


Who I am Inside

by MonPetitTresor



Category: Criminal Minds, Supernatural
Genre: Challenge Response, F/M, Feminine pronouns, Fluff and Smut, Friends With Benefits, Friendship, Fun, Gender or Sex Swap, Girl!Spencer, Het and Slash, Human Castiel, M/M, Mostly wrote this for fun, Multi, Past Relationship(s), Slow Updates, Witch Curses, and in response to a challenge, because it's easier, not sure yet - Freeform, past angst, potential threesome
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-10
Updated: 2016-09-11
Packaged: 2018-04-13 22:13:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 70,270
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4539339
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MonPetitTresor/pseuds/MonPetitTresor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A witch's curse turns Spencer Reid from a 'he' to a 'she' and now, with the witch dead, there's only one person he can call on. A friend and sometimes-lover, Sam Winchester, who he's known since their respective college days. Will the boys be able to help Spencer or will she be stuck like this forever?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I was given a challenge to write something with Spencer Reid, Sam and Gabriel, three of my favorite characters from my fandoms, and was told it had to involve a gender play/change/swap somehow, and I was given a time limit. My time's up and this is what I came up with. I hope you guys like it and if you'd actually like to see more of it, please, let me know. If you don't, it's all good :) I'm open to any opinions, preferences and ideas, too, so speak up if you wish!
> 
> Set about mid season 7 for Criminal Minds, and around the start of season 9 for Supernatural. Because this AU and, well, becuase I want to, we're going to go with the idea that Dean stopped Sam from doing the Trials and Gabriel showed up at the hospital instead of Gadreel, having found himself brought back when the angels fell, and he healed Sam and now the four (Sam/Gabe and Dean/Cas) are all staying at the Bunker. K? K! Not that bad, really. I've seen people randomly throw readers into a worse AU than that right from the get-go, so I figure I can do this. It's not that big a leap really. :)
> 
> This was written by K, for J, for fun!
> 
> Un-beta'd!

He really hated days like this.

Spencer mentally cursed in every language he knew as he darted round the fallen log and further into the forest. This hadn’t been at all how he’d expected this afternoon to go. This was supposed to be an interview; just a simple interview. The thirty year old FBI agent hadn’t come here expecting to find their Unsub. Yet here they were, chasing down a young woman that Spencer honestly hadn’t suspected of anything whatsoever. She was supposed to just be a witness. He and another teammate, Derek Morgan, had come here to ask her a few questions. Now they were trying to catch her before she could get away, and Spencer was frantically trying to figure out how to stop her without letting his teammates know what was really going on.

When they took the case, the BAU hadn’t had any idea what they were truly getting themselves into. It had seemed like any other case. Difficult, yes, and a bit confusing, but still, just a case. Then, once they’d arrived and actually started to work, it quickly became apparent that this wasn’t just your average case. To Spencer, the only member of the BAU team to actually know a little something about the more _supernatural_ side of the world, he quickly came to suspect that this might just end up being a little more than they could handle. Later, he would hate how right he was.

They local police had five bodies by the time the BAU were called in. Each was female, each in their twenties, and though none of them shared a general physical description, they all had one thing in common—they were all women that would’ve been considered ‘gorgeous’. The ‘alpha female’ type. Aside from that, nothing seemed to tie them together. Two were blonds, one redhead, and the other two were brunettes. They were different heights, different weights, different builds entirely. All in all, victimology was almost impossible to pin down.

Then, this is where things started to get weird.

There were errors in trying to identify the women. The first two had their DNA run and what came up in the databanks didn’t match them at all. In fact, the closest genetic matches that came up were for _men_. Eventually, the same was established for the other victims as well. At first the police thought that these people might be attacking twins. But it didn’t make any sense. None of them showed any record of being twins and every family they spoke with was firm that their child was not a twin.

To make matters stranger, the coroners checked the bodies and found things such as body scars, birthmarks, tattoos. What they found was that each woman was a match, down to every last scar, to the male counterparts their DNA claimed they were closely matched to. As unlikely as it seemed to everyone, these women had once been men. Only small things, aside from the glaringly large obvious one, were any different. The women were smaller than the men they’d been. Anywhere from two to eight inches shorter and ten to thirty pounds lighter. No one had any sort of explanation for it.

No one except Spencer. But what explanation he had, he couldn’t exactly voice.

This wasn’t the first time that the BAU had come across something supernatural in one of their cases. For most of his life, Spencer had known about the existence of the supernatural. Hunting had been passed down to him through his mother’s side of the family and he’d grown up with that knowledge. But, much to his mother’s joy, he had chosen a different lifestyle than that of hunter. He’d gone on to college and then, from there, the Bureau. But that didn’t mean that his knowledge didn’t get put to use. He had a few contacts in the hunting world, one of which he trusted absolutely, and he often passed a case along if he came across one that was more for a hunter than an agent.

He would’ve done the same with this one, too, if he’d had enough time. Because it was quickly becoming apparent to Spencer that the one his team was after wasn’t a regular person. Everything he saw suggested that they were after a witch. Someone strong enough to turn men into women, for some reason or another. He’d already sent off a brief text to a hunter he trusted to try and get someone out here before things got much further out of hand. This wasn’t something he could just handle on his own.

As he ran now around another tree, he wished he’d sent that text off earlier.

When he and Derek had gone to the house of Melissa Stoddard, all they’d planned on doing was questioning her as she’d been listed as a witness from the scene where the second body had been dumped. It was just happenstance that Spencer had noticed a few things inside of her house that had made him suspicious. Little random items here and there that might not look like something to anyone else but that sent his instincts humming. Unfortunately, he hadn’t been the only one to notice things. Melissa had seen Spencer looking around and she was quick to make the connection. That had been all it took to set the mentally unbalanced woman off. “ _Hunter_ ” she’d hissed at him. Then, with a blast of power that Spencer knew had baffled Derek, she sent them flying back before taking off into the woods.

They had to catch her before she got too far. Spencer could figure out how to try and explain things later. For now, they had to catch her, had to stop her before she got to wherever she was running. He was afraid he had a pretty good idea what lay ahead and he didn’t want to know what would happen if she reached it. He’d seen and heard of plenty of witches who set up personal altars out in the forests. Better to do some rituals with real privacy.

The trees broke just ahead and Spencer hit the clearing just a few minutes behind. What he found was exactly what he’d been afraid of.

Melissa stood in the middle of the clearing right next to a stone altar, with Derek a few feet away from her holding out his gun.

“Melissa, put the knife down.” Derek called out. He had his gun in his hands, firmly trained on her, and Spencer saw for the first time that, yes, she held a knife. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

“I showed them the truth!” She was shouting just as Spencer reached came out of the trees. “

 “No!” Her voice was high and shrill and it carried an edge of hysteria to it that said she wasn’t entirely in her right mind at the moment. “You think you’re so much better! You don’t know what it’s like to be me, to be a woman in this world! But you will. I’ll show you, just like I showed those playboys, those little _bastards_ who thought they were so great, that they could just take anything they wanted from a woman! I showed them what it was like!” To Derek’s surprise, she quickly sliced the knife across her palm and the air around them suddenly seemed to crackle.

It wasn’t a conscious decision that Spencer made next. He didn’t stop to think about what he was doing. All he knew was that there was power in the air and it was being aimed directly at one of his closest friends. Before he could even think about it his feet were already moving.

He hit Derek and shoved him just as the power in the air slammed forward. It hit his body with an electric jolt and then he was flying through the air to land on the ground, hitting and sliding until he slammed against a tree. Pain gripped him from head to toe and every muscle in his body was twisting like taffy. A scream ripped its way past his lips as his whole body convulsed. His head slammed back against the ground and then he curled forward, trying to wrap himself up, another scream ripping free. His body was twisting and burning and, oh God, it hurt it _hurt_. Through the sound of his screams, he didn’t even hear the other voices crying out, never heard the gunshots that filled the air.

The pain went higher and higher until the whole world whited out under it and then it all went dark.

* * *

When Spencer came to again he felt like he’d taken one hell of a beating. Every inch of his body ached. Even his _hair_ hurt and he hadn’t known that was possible. Not only did everything hurt, it all felt _wrong._ His whole body felt wrong and strange to him. The scrape of his clothes against his skin felt like sandpaper as he tried to shift and a low whimper slipped free. Oh, God, what happened to him? He could remember coming up on the clearing, the woman gathering up her power and chanting something, and he remembered knocking Derek out of the way, but—after that, there was only pain. Pain and then dark. What had happened to him? What had her spell done?

The sound of voices broke into Spencer's jumbled thoughts. Lying still, trying to breathe past the pain that was slowly starting to fade, he turned is ears to listen to what was being said. It only took a second for him to be able to hear past the low sound of his heartbeat in his ears.

“…not possible!” Someone was saying. It sound like, like Aaron, maybe?

The next voice was louder and much easier for Spencer to understand. “I’m telling you, that’s Reid! I saw it!” Derek said furiously. “I don’t know how, but it’s him!”

“He’s right, sir.” Emily piped up, her voice just slightly hesitant, with a layer of worry that had Spencer tensing instinctively. “I can’t…I wouldn’t believe it if I hadn’t seen it, but I saw him fly back and hit the tree. And I didn’t see anyone switch places with him before we got over here. That’s Reid.”

What were they talking about? Why didn’t Aaron believe this was him? _What did that witch do to me_? Spencer's heart started to pound as he slowly, oh so slowly, opened his eyes.

The pain was becoming more and more manageable the more that he woke but it was still present. Even his eyelids ached as he blinked them open. They still worked, though, and that was a plus. He could see. He wasn’t blinded by whatever the witch had done. Something had to have changed, though. If his team was nearby freaking out over him—unsure, it sounded, if he even was still him, and wasn’t _that_ terrifying—then _something_ had to have changed. He just had to wake himself up enough to figure out what. Ignoring the shiver of fear that sent through him, he forced his aching arm to move, his palm coming to rest flat on the grass right in front of him. The sight of his hand froze him in place so much that he didn’t even register his friends turning towards him. His movement had alerted them that he was awake and they all rushed over to him, only to find him lying there staring at his hand. A hand that was smaller and daintier than it was supposed to be.

The witch’s words echoed in Spencer's mind, the things she’d been shouting at Derek when Spencer had arrived, and it was all piecing together in his mind with the facts from their case, the bits of information about the victims, and the all-around sense of wrongness that he felt. His breath caught in his chest and his heart pounded so loud in his ears it blocked out all other sound. Wide eyed, the genius looked down, already knowing what he would find. Knowing and seeing were two completely different things, though. His gaze landed on his chest—a chest that was sporting a few things that definitely hadn’t been there before. “Oh God.” He breathed out. The sound of his voice, a distinctly _feminine_ voice, had him repeating the words again, louder this time. “Oh, _God.”_

“Reid?” Derek dropped down on one knee in front of him, one hand reaching out and hesitating only briefly before it closed over his shoulder. “Reid? Are you okay?”

A shudder ran down Spencer's body— _wrong, wrong, this is so wrong, not me, this isn’t_ me _!—_ and his breath caught once more in his chest. “Okay?” He looked up at Derek and knew that the color had drained from his face, that he was wheezing, but he couldn’t stop it. “Am I okay? Are you actually asking me if I’m _okay_?” The last word came out as a screech that had all of them wincing. “That witch turned me into a girl! A _girl_!” Realization suddenly hit and Spencer pressed his hands— _too small, too soft_ —against the grass and tried to scramble up. “Where is she? Where’d she go? Melissa, get out here and fix this, _right now_!”

“Reid…” JJ said softly.

Even as Spencer heard his name said in that low and worried tone, his eyes found the body on the ground by the altar. He froze, kneeling on the hard forest ground, and stared at Melissa’s body.

“The others shot her when they came in.” Derek said lowly. He was still kneeling beside Spencer, his hand still on Spencer's shoulder. “They saw you lying on the ground screaming and me trying to get up and they assumed the worst. It was a reasonable assumption, Reid. We had no idea that she…”

The profiler trailed off, and Spencer picked up his dropped sentence. “She was a witch. A powerful one, if it’s still in effect with her being dead.” And his best chance at having this spell or curse removed. For it to still be active with her dead it meant that she’d been a powerful witch, which meant that it was going to be difficult if not impossible to change him back. It was definitely going to take more than any knowledge that Spencer had.

“A witch?” Dave repeated slowly. He sounded like he didn’t quite believe what he was saying, yet at the same time how could he deny what was right in front of his eyes?

Shock and pain were fading away to a strange sense of numbness for Spencer. He knelt there in the grass and dirt and stared at Melissa’s body and knew that he should be panicking. Yelling, screaming, crying, _something_. But all he could do was kneel there and stare. When he spoke, his voice was flat, empty of almost all emotion. “There’s a whole world out there you don’t know about. One that I’ve worked very hard to keep away from you all. Witches are just one of the things you should worry about.”

It was Aaron, ever the practical one, the leader, who stopped this before it could get much farther and pulled them all back on track. “Explanations of all of this can wait.” He told the group firmly. “Right now, the how or the why aren’t what are important. What we need to figure out is what we’re going to do. We’ve got a dead… _witch_ , by her altar, an agent changed to female, and a handful of bodies back at the morgue that I’m assuming went through the same thing that just happened to Reid. We need to make a plan and then call in the locals to process this crime scene.”

That steady practicality gave Spencer something to grip on to. Something to keep him from drifting off in the numb shock that had taken over his whole body.

“We can’t take him back to the Bureau like this.” Dave said with a shake of his head. His usually happy face was creased with worry. “They’d turn him into a science experiment.”

That thought had Spencer shuddering. No, that was the last thing he wanted to have happen. They’d lock him away and never let him out again. “No one else can see me like this.” He told them. There was only one thing that he could think of to do in this kind of situation. The only hope that he had, really. Drawing his arms in, he wrapped them around his waist, trying to ignore the strangeness of this new body as he did so. Still staring at Melissa, he told them “There’s someone I know that’s in the life. If there’s anyone who can think of way to fix this, it’d be him. He’s what you’d call an…expert.”

“A supernatural expert?” Emily asked skeptically.

Spencer nodded. “Yes.” For the first time, he made himself turn, forced his body to turn around so that he could look at his friends. They were all watching him with different degrees of shock on their faces. But Aaron…Aaron looked calmer than most, that steadiness that he was known for, the one that made him a great leader, right out there in the open. Seeing it steadied Spencer a little more. It provided him with a solid ground on which to gain some footing. Their eyes locked briefly. “You trust this person?” Aaron asked finally.

That was an easy answer. “With my life.”

“Then make the call. Right now, it’s the only hope we’ve got.”

“I can’t…” Pausing, Spencer looked from one to the next, hoping that they would understand this. “I have to do it alone. The life he lives, it’s not exactly safe for him to be around a group of Feds.”

“Why not?” JJ asked. She had moved to stand at Spencer's other side, opposite Derek.

Surprisingly, it was Dave who answered, though he phrased his answer like a question as if not quite sure about it. “Some of these supernatural, things, they look human, don’t they?” He caught the surprised looks from the others and shrugged. “What? I’ve come across some bodies in my time that…well, let’s just say they didn’t make sense.”

“I don’t care. We can’t just send Reid off on his own!” Derek exclaimed. His hand tightened a little on Spencer's shoulder as if to keep his friend there with him.

Spencer licked lips that felt a little fuller than normal and tipped his head to look up past his bangs. “Doing what a hunter does puts them at opposite ends of the law a lot, even if what they’re doing is helping to save people. This person…he’s my friend, and I won’t put him at risk, Morgan. I have to do this alone. It’s the only chance I have to get this fixed.” He met Derek’s eyes and held his gaze, something that they all knew wasn’t easy or comfortable for him to do, and which added an extra weight to his words because of that. “I trust him, Morgan. Now I need you guys to trust me.”

They didn’t have time to argue this. Spencer knew that and so did the rest of them. They couldn’t take the time to argue. They needed to get Spencer out of there and the locals needed to be called in if they weren’t already on their way. Derek had called the team as they’d started to run, that’s how the others were here. But that meant that the local cops couldn’t be far behind them. In fact, Spencer was surprised that they weren’t here yet.

As if something had heard that thought and decided that they needed to screw with him more, he heard the sound of people coming towards them. Now there really was no more time to debate anything. Spencer scrambled up to his feet, one hand clutching at his suddenly too-big pants. Derek’s hand moved down under his elbow to help him reach his feet. His legs only shook for a moment before he got them steady under him. “I’ve got to get out of here before they get over here.”

There was just a second’s pause and then Aaron looked to Derek and nodded at him. “Get him out of here, back to the motel, and then get back here. I’m going to need everyone here if I want to keep the locals from getting suspicious. Reid,” He turned his sharp gaze to Spencer next. “Keep your phone on you at all times and I want an update tonight on what’s going on. I’ll respect your friend’s need for us to stay distant, but that doesn’t mean we’re leaving you to handle all this on your own. You need us, we’ll be there as fast as we can.”

Warmth filled Spencer and he really wished he had the words or the time to express just how much that meant to him. But the sounds of the officers were getting closer and there was no more time to do anything but run.

* * *

_(Because it’s easier for me, I’m going to refer to Spencer with feminine pronouns now. Mostly because otherwise I start to forget he’s in a female body at the moment, LoL. So, yeah, enjoy)_

* * *

Getting away from the crime scene without being noticed wasn’t all that difficult. At least, not once Spencer convinced Derek to go and get the car and meet her at the road just ahead. Cops were already all around Melissa’s place. So, wrapped tightly in a sweater that was now too big, Spencer tried to ignore the strange feel of her new body and waited hidden by a tree until a familiar SUV pulled up on the side of the road. She rushed out, tripping over her own two feet along the way and just barely managing to catch herself on the side of the SUV. When she slipped inside and shut the door, she found Derek smothering chuckles. “Shut up.” She grumbled, reaching for her seatbelt. “My shoes don’t fit right. They’re too small!”

A smirk curved Derek’s lips. “Uh huh. Whatever you say, Reid.”

She shot him a glare before turning her focus towards settling the seatbelt on. Trying to figure out how to lay the strap only deepened her scowl. How on earth did women deal with these? They were beyond uncomfortable! She gave a brief moment of thanks that the body she’d changed in to wasn’t as amply endowed as, say, Penelope was. Spencer knew nothing about things like cup size and couldn’t even begin to make an estimate, but it wasn’t as bad as she knew it could’ve been. She’d seen the bodies in the morgue and the DNA matches for the men; she knew how drastically some had been changed. Her change, in comparison, was more—she hesitated to use the word natural. But the body that she’d changed in to seemed to be quite a bit like before, only, softer, and curvier. A more slender waist, a bit of flare to her hips, and of course, the obvious changes. Otherwise, she was still the same height by her guess, still long limbed and lanky. It was her, it was Spencer, just, what she would’ve looked like if she’d been born female.

The shifting pronouns in Spencer's mind were a pain in the ass to deal with. It wasn’t like gender had ever been something that Spencer held to any high standard before, at least not personally. Until this was over, using the feminine pronouns was probably going to be best, just to avoid confusion.

“You’re awfully quiet over there, kid.” Derek’s voice interrupted her thoughts. She looked up to find her friend sneaking a look over at her. “There aren’t any more side effects or anything like that, are there? No more pain or anything?”

The honest concern in his tone had her softening her reply from the grumpy tone that had almost come out. “I’m okay, Morgan. No pain.” It was true, too. The residual pain that she’d been feeling wasn’t there anymore. “Just…it feels strange.”

“I can’t even imagine.”

She resisted the urge to snort. That was an understatement. A buzz from her pocket distracted her and she pulled her phone out. There was a text message on there and she sucked in a sharp breath when she saw who it was from. _‘We just hit town. Meet? – W’_ was all that it said. She stared down at it and felt such a well of gratitude in her it took away her breath and her voice for a moment. Oh, man. She’d forgotten entirely that she’d text him earlier in the day about the case and what she’d suspected. He must’ve started heading towards her immediately, which was perfect. It was exactly what she needed. “Oh, thank you.”

Derek’s eyes shot briefly over to her. “What?”

“The person I told you all I was going to call? I had sent him a text earlier to let him know that I suspected this case we were on was supernatural in nature. Apparently, he’s came right out, because he says he’s in town.”

“Really? He’s already here?”

“It appears so.” She fumbled her phone for a second as she sent out a quick reply. _‘911. Meet ASAP. Where are you?’_ The text would scare him, but it would get her point across and it would get a quick reply, she knew. Once the text was sent off, she bit her lip and thought about what to do, about what was the best plan here. The quick reply she got to her text helped make that decision for her ‘ _Sunview Motel, 42. Not alone – W’_. Spencer looked up and out the window and saw that they were downtown, close to the motels. Not just the one the BAU was at, but the Sunview as well. She easily placed that on her mental map of the city. “Morgan, pull over up here.” She said, pointing to an empty spot up ahead by the sidewalk.

“What?” Even as he asked, he was already flicking his blinker on, preparing to move over.

“I told you I had to go meet them alone.” Spencer reminded him as she pulled off her gun and holster and set them down in the backseat. Once they were off, she moved her fingers to her belt, pulling it tighter in hopes of keeping her pants on. The clothes would look baggy on her but at least they’d stay up. “He sent me his motel and I’m going to just head straight there. It’s not far, I can get there on foot.”

He slid the SUV neatly into the open spot and shifted it into park before he turned to look at his friend. Worry was written all over his face. “Reid…I don’t like this. You shouldn’t be going alone. Especially unarmed.”

A small smile touched Spencer's lips. She hid her worry as she’d learned to do such a long time ago and put on her most reassuring look. It was a skill she’d learned as a child while trying to soothe a mother who was convinced that the world was out to kill them. “I’ll be fine, Morgan. Really. I’ve known this person since college, okay? I can trust him.”

“You’ll call, as soon as you know anything?”

“Yes, Dad.” She teased.

It had the desired result. Derek rolled his eyes at her and shoved at her arm. Some of the worry had melted off his face and he managed to give her a smile, albeit a small one. “Be safe, kid. Give me a call if you need me to come kick some ass.”

“I will.” Unhooking her seatbelt, she opened the door and climbed out, giving him one last look and one last smile. “Tell everyone I’ll call tonight.”

She stood there on the sidewalk for a long moment and just watched as he pulled back out into traffic once more. Though she’d told him to go, had practically pushed him away, for a moment she felt cold and alone standing there. She wrapped her sweater a little tighter around herself despite the afternoon sun. Tucking her hands into her armpits, she turned herself in the direction she needed to go and set off.

Getting used to walking in this body was something rather strange. Honestly, if she’d thought about it, she wouldn’t have pictured _walking_ as something so different. But it was. Some things that she was used to were no longer there and other things were new and threw off her balance. Her hips, for one. They had a natural sway to them that felt a bit odd. Trying to stop it only made her walk like she had a board for a spine, though. And her hair…it felt longer than before, and just a bit curlier, which meant it was constantly blowing in her face. She kept having to brush it back and each time her fingers encountered the smooth skin on her cheeks it was a jolt.

The Sunview motel was only two blocks away from where Derek had dropped her off. Even with her too-big clothes and too-big shoes and strange new body, all of which made it the strangest walk _ever_ , she got there quickly. Finding room 42 wasn’t difficult, either. It was bringing herself to knock on the door that was difficult. _Not alone_ , his text had said. There was only one person she could think of that he meant. Under normal circumstances, that wouldn’t be that big of a deal, though she’d never been fond of meeting new people. But right now? Right now, the logical part of Spencer knew she could use all the help she could get, but the rest of her wasn’t all that thrilled at meeting someone new at a time like this.

However, there was no way around it. She _needed_ him.

Steeling herself, Spencer wrapped one arm tight around her waist and lifted the other hand to knock firmly on the door. There was a brief pause as she stood there and just held onto herself. Then suddenly the door was being pulled open and a familiar figure was standing there in front of her. Spencer met curious hazel eyes and felt herself relax ever so slightly. “Sam.”

Sam Winchester stared at her for one brief second before his eyebrows shot up and his eyes went wide with surprise. “ _Spencer_?”

She smiled shakily at him. “Surprise?”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this was more liked than I thought! You guys seemed pretty excited about it (yay!) So I went ahead and wrote out a quick chapter two. This one is a bit angsty, but we've got to get things set up and get the emotional 'freak out' out of the way. I think Spencer deserves one. This whole story won't be one big ball of angst though, so don't worry about that. There should be fun, and banter, and bickering, flirting, some humor, some smut (Speaking of, no one put in their votes on the potential trio... ?) Basically, this story is just me having total fun, lol I don't know how regular I'll update, especially with trying to wrap up Learning To Live Again, but I'll try not to let you wait too long. At the very LEAST you'll have one update a week - though every time I say that, I end up doing more :P
> 
> Enjoy!

One thing that Spencer had learned early on in her friendship with Sam Winchester was that the man was very tactile, and he was very much a hugger. It’d taken her quite a bit of time to get used to that little fact. She’d always been the exact opposite. Touch didn’t come easily to her and she often shied away from it. Sam was understanding about that and also very persistent. With time and a lot of what he jokingly called the Winchester Stubbornness, he’d gotten her comfortable with touching, both in bed and out of it. Now, almost fifteen years after they’d first met, she didn’t shy away from his touches anymore. In fact, as he pulled her into the motel room and right into one of his giant hugs, she didn’t protest at all. She melted into it and let her face bury against his neck for just one brief moment. Here, with someone she knew was safe, someone who wasn’t going to break and who she didn’t have to be strong for, she gave herself a moment to indulge in the fear that had flared to life the minute she’d realized that she was a, well, a _she._ Just a moment, though.

Gathering up the tattered edges of her composure, she pulled back and dredge up the best smile she could, even if was a little weak at the edges. “Hey, Sam. It’s been a while.” Ten months, two weeks and four days, to be exact. “You look good.”

That was true. Sam looked much better than the last time Spencer had seen him. Healthier. Spencer knew why, of course. Sam had explained everything in their phone conversations and emails. But still, seeing it, seeing him, eased that remaining knot of worry that Spencer had been carrying for her friend.

Sam’s lips curved up at the compliment. He put his hands on Spencer's shoulders and stepped back from her to give her a quick look over from head to toe. His eyes settled on hers and there was worry there, but there was also the familiar affection and that spark of warmth that she’d always been amazed to see directed her way. “You look good too. Different, definitely, but good.”

“Yeah, different.” She let out a wry laugh with not much humor to it and drew her hands in to once more cross her arms over her chest. “That’s one way of putting it.”

He grimaced only briefly before hiding it away. Before he could say anything else, someone cleared their throat and Spencer was reminded that Sam wasn’t alone here. Apparently it reminded Sam as well. He let go of her with one hand but slid his other around to rest against her back in a comforting way. “I’m sorry, I got a little caught up.” Drawing her up beside him, he gestured with his other hand to the man who Spencer recognized from the picture that Sam carried in his wallet. “Spencer, this is my big brother, Dean. Dean, this is my friend I was telling you about, Dr. Spencer Reid.”

“Hi.” Spencer pulled one hand up just enough to give him a small wave before tucking it back in against her. The look he gave her was sort of bemused, like he couldn’t quite seem to figure out what to think. He was still polite enough, however, to say “Nice to meet you” before he looked at Sam and arched an eyebrow, asking “I thought you said your friend was a _he_?”

“Smooth, Dean.” Sam said dryly. “Real tactful.”

“We can be tactful once we’re sure your friend is actually your friend.”

Now that was a little more along the lines of what Spencer had been expecting. Sam’s easy acceptance had surprised her. Having your male friend show up at the door as a _female_ would’ve been enough to throw pretty much everyone. Yet Sam had barely even fumbled. He’d just pulled her on in without any of the usual tests to verify that she was who she said she was. He didn’t typically do them when they met up with one another, but then again, she hadn’t ever showed up looking like _this_ before. Beside her, she felt Sam tense a little, and it wasn’t hard to see that he wasn’t pleased about what Dean had said. Spencer leaned back just the slightest bit into Sam’s touch to draw his attention and then she smiled shyly up at him. “It’s fine, Sam. Considering the circumstances, it’s entirely understandable. You need to verify that I am who I say I am. Just, could you…?”

He easily picked up on what she was asking him and he nodded quickly. “Yeah. Yeah, no problem. Come sit down here at the table, Spence.”

Spencer didn’t think she could’ve sat still in that rickety motel chair and allowed Dean to run through the tests necessary to prove she was human. But she trusted Sam. Knew him and trusted him enough that she could hold out her arm for him to slide the silver knife across and not even flinch. She sat through all of it. Only when they were sure she was human did everyone finally settle.

“Well, all right.” Dropping down on the end of the bed nearest the table, Dean rested his arms on his knees and looked over to Spencer. “What happened? How’d you end up going all ‘Hot Chicks’?”

The way that Dean said that suggested there was a reference in there somewhere that Spencer just wasn’t understanding. She ignored that and focused instead on answering the actual question with one single, almost growled out word. “Witches.”

Dean curled his upper lip in a sneer that Spencer could very much appreciate right then. “Ugh. Freaking witches, man. I hate em.”

“Why don’t you walk us through it?” Sam suggested. “Start at the beginning.” He came back over from putting away his knife and Spencer saw that he carried a small first aid kit in his hand.

She resisted the urge to roll her eyes as he drew her arm up on the table and wiped away the blood from where he’d had to cut her. She held still and let him put a band aid on while she started her explanations. She started at the beginning, just like Sam had suggested. From their arrival in town, through the discovery of each body, every single fact that they’d found. She told them all about the bodies in the morgue and the strange DNA tests that all matched men. “The locals seem pretty intent on believing that all of these men had mysterious twins. Though we interviewed the families and were told that wasn’t the case, and we also discovered that all the men whose DNA they matched were all missing as well, people still tend to believe whatever explanation is easiest.”

“You’d be surprised what people will end up believing.” Dean said, rolling his eyes.

Spencer's lips quirked in a small, half smile, and then it faded away as she finished her story. Sam moved to put away the first aid kit while she spoke of going to Melissa’s house to interview her and he sat back down just as Spencer got to the part of the story where she reached the clearing. Here was where she knew detail was important and she made sure to give as much as she could. From a description of the altar, the look of the knife the witch had held, everything that she could remember. “She was aiming for my teammate, Morgan. He fits the physical image of the type of men she was going after. I just, got in the way.”

Huffing out a breath, Sam shook his head. “Of course you did.”

“I couldn’t let it hit him.” Spencer shrugged and held her hands out in a sort of ‘what else could I do?’ sort of gesture. Really, to her, there had been no other option. There hadn’t even been a choice. Her feet had moved before she could think about it and she’d knocked Derek out of the way. Better it hit Spencer than him. Drawing in a careful breath, she turned to look at Sam and she forced herself to say the part that was the hardest, the part that meant the most trouble. “I ended up unconscious from the transformation. When I woke up…Sam, with me screaming on the ground and Derek just getting up, my team, they thought she’d done something. They shot her.”

Surprise had Sam’s eyebrows going up almost to his hairline. “The witch is dead?”

Spencer nodded silently. She bit the inside of her lip and drew her hands in once more to her lap where she twisted her fingers together nervously.

From his spot on the bed Dean let out a low curse that Spencer couldn’t help but agree with. “That’s, shit. She had to have been pretty powerful if her spell’s still active with her dead.”

He didn’t say what they all knew. That if you killed a witch, their _curse_ would end, but if they were strong enough, a _spell_ could stay. A spell would, in fact, most likely become permanent. That was the difference and danger between curses and spells. Spencer knew that, the brothers knew that, only none of them were saying it. But she could see the knowledge on their faces.

It didn’t surprise her that Sam recovered first. He cleared his throat and straightened up in his seat, the worry in his expression pushed down until it was that steady look she’d seen him wear in many a crisis. “Let’s not panic yet. Before we start really worrying about things, why don’t I call Gabe? He should be able to take a look and let us know what exactly we’re dealing with. Maybe it’s just something that has to wear off. Are you okay with me calling him, Spencer?”

Oh! Spencer hadn’t even thought of that. She’d been too caught up in all of this to think straight and remember that these boys had an _archangel_ on their team. A little bit of hope stirred in her chest as she looked up at her friend. “Absolutely.”

“Great.”

Spencer waited while Sam closed his eyes and tipped his head down in silent prayer. She knew that it was his preferred way of calling out to his partner. He’d told her during one of their phone calls that Gabriel _could_ use a phone, but he didn’t really like to. They both liked the intimacy of prayer. Seeing the way his face softened as he did it, she couldn’t help but smile. It was good to see Sam happy. Really, truly happy. Gabriel did that for him. Spencer could still remember the joy she’d heard in Sam’s voice when he’d called to tell her that Gabriel had been brought back when the rest of the angels fell. The two had shared a few intimate moments back before Gabriel’s death and Spencer had always known, even if Sam hadn’t admitted it, that the hunter more than just cared for the archangel. She knew love when she saw it. It lit up Sam’s eyes each time he talked about Gabriel. So when he came back, it was no surprise to her that the two had gotten together, finally. She was happy for him. For them both. If there was a small part of her that grieved the loss of a sometimes lover she’d always cared just a bit too much for, well, that was her own business, wasn’t it? True, good friends were hard to come by, and she wouldn’t jeopardize her friendship with Sam for anything. He knew things about her that no one, not his Mom, not even Derek, knew about her, and he still cared anyways. That was the kind of friend to hold on to.

Spencer was pulled from her thoughts when there was a rustle in the air. She blinked her eyes to clear them and looked up to see a rather attractive man standing beside Sam’s chair. He was short, but he nicely filled out the jeans, t-shirt and green jacket that he wore. His hair was either blondish brown, or brownish blond, she couldn’t quite be sure, and it was slicked back from his face, leaving it easy to see the smirk he wore around the sucker in his mouth, as well as a pair of golden eyes that were bright with humor and mischievousness. There was no doubt just who this was.

His eyes wrinkled up at the edges as his grin grew. “Well, hel _lo_ , gorgeous.” His tone made her bush, which in turn made him chuckle. He settled a hand on the back of Sam’s neck and leaned in against his shoulder in a move that was a tiny bit possessive, but that also spoke of a level of comfort between the two of them. They were well used to being in one another’s space and were both comfortable with it. Still smirking at her, Gabriel asked “You going to introduce me to your friend here, Samsquatch?”

Sam rolled his eyes, though the quirk to his lips gave away his amusement at the situation. “Remember how I said Spencer needed help on a case? Seems like some things got a bit out of hand before we could get here.” Chuckling, he held out a hand, gesturing towards Spencer. “Gabe, I’d like you to Spencer. Spencer, this gawker at my side is Gabe.”

There was no real chance for the two to say anything to each other. Dean beat them to it. “Wait a second.” Holding his hand out, the older hunter leaned forward enough to be able to look head on at his brother and his gaze wasn’t exactly friendly. He looked, annoyed, possibly even outright mad. “You’re telling me that _Gabriel_ knew about your friend? A friend that you’ve apparently known since college and who you didn’t tell me about until _today_?”

Sam flushed just a little and Spencer watched with amusement as the grown man squirmed in his seat at the sound of big brother’s disapproval. “You’re never really all that fond of hearing about anyone I knew back at Stanford.” Was his weak reply.

“Oh, that’s great, Sammy. Real great.”

Rolling his eyes, Gabriel stepped forward in a move that deliberately put him between the brothers. His eyes, however, were still locked on Spencer. “Ignore them, they just like to bicker.” He told her with a wink. “Now, I’m gonna take a stab in the dark here and say—witch? It’s either witch or cursed object and I don’t feel any kind of strange objects here in the room, so I’m going with witch.”

“Yeah.” Spencer agreed.

“A dead witch, actually.” Sam interjected, his argument with his brother either temporarily forgotten, or postponed. “We were hoping you could take a look at him…her…”

She smiled a little at his fumbling. “Female pronouns are fine, Sam. It’ll save us some confusion.”

Flashing a smile with just a hint of dimple to it, the kind of smile she’d always loved, he nodded and continued on. “We were hoping you could take a look at _her_ and see what we’re dealing with here. Maybe give us a clue if this is something that’ll wear off, or if it’s something more dangerous that we need to worry about?”

“Oh, I see how it is. Work, work, work.” Gabriel said as dramatically as he could manage. The effect was ruined by the eyebrow wiggle he gave as he closed the last bit of distance between him and Spencer. He stopped right in front of her chair and she tipped her chin up to be able to look up at him. Despite all his teasing and what even she could see was playful flirting, there was a seriousness in his eyes when they locked on her. “I’ll have to touch your head as I do this. You’ll probably feel me looking around, but try not to fight it, okay? I need to check you over for any trace of whatever the witch did, maybe even look at your memory of what happened.”

The thought of having someone in her head wasn’t a pleasant one. Something about the way that he was looking at her told her that he knew that. That, and the fact that he didn’t make one single joke or anything as he told her what he was going to do, which from what she knew of him was quite out of character. She wondered what exactly Sam had told him about her. Spencer had very good reasons for not wanting someone in her head and Sam was the only one that knew about them.

Carefully, she drew in a steady breath and then let it back out slowly. “Sam trusts you.” It wasn’t a question. She knew Sam trusted him—and she trusted Sam.

Gabriel smiled softly down at her. It was the last thing she saw before she closed her eyes and felt two fingers press against her temples on either side.

He’d been right when he said that she would feel him. Only, this wasn’t like what Spencer remembered. This was nothing like the intrusions of the past. Gabriel was warm where he reached into her and his touch was gentle and soft. She relaxed into his touch and let that warmth chase away the last of the chill that she hadn’t even realized she’d still been feeling. By the time he pulled back, she felt more relaxed than she had for a while.

That vanished almost as soon as she opened her eyes. One look up at him, one glance at the emotion that sat in his eyes, and all the peace she’d just found vanished.

Very gently, his fingers brushed along her temples and down her cheeks, a soothing gesture before he let them fall away and tucked them back into his pockets. His voice, when he spoke, carried a jovial tone that she could see was fake. “Well, I’ve got good news and bad news.”

“What’s the bad news?” Dean asked.

Gabriel gave him a sour look. “Geeze, go right for the crap, why doncha?” He sighed and shook his head. Then he turned his focus back to Spencer. “Technically, I couldn’t find any traces of any actual spell in your body.”

That didn’t sound good. She furrowed her brows and tipped her head, just slightly confused. “What does that mean?”

“It means that your witch was pretty powerful, and she used blood to make her spell even _more_ powerful. Best as I can guess, when she died, it added an extra ‘oomph’ to the spell, too. All of that combined , and, well, this aint just some fancy spell or curse that’s gonna wear off or fade away. For all intents and purposes, you _are_ female now. _But_ ,” He held up a finger, stopping anything anyone else was about to say. “It left behind a sort of, fingerprint I guess you’d call it. One that just basically shows that magic was done here. I could try and reverse it, but there’s a pretty good chance that it might kill you if I do.”

“Yeah, let’s _not_ do that.” Sam interrupted sharply. “What’s the good news, Gabe?”

He smiled charmingly at Spencer. “You make an absolutely gorgeous woman.”

Spencer closed her eyes and curled her hands tighter into her sweater. “That was part of her spell.” She said dully. “Each person she turned female was also turned into a knockout.

Over her head, Gabriel raised his eyebrows at his lover. “Wow, you weren’t kidding, were you?”

Sam shook his head sadly. “No, I wasn’t.”

What they were talking about, Spencer had no idea, nor did she really care right then. “I can’t be stuck like this.” She clenched her hands down on her sleeves until her knuckles ached. “I can’t. What about my job? My _mom_? I have a life. I’ve got responsibilities!”

“Hey, hey, hey.” Sam cut off her rant, which was quickly growing hysterical, and he reached over and caught one of her hands. Drawing it up on the table, he cradled it between his, holding it there until she looked up at him. “This isn’t completely hopeless yet, Spencer. Come on now. Asking Gabe for help was just our first try. He’s not our _only_ one. I told you all about my new library, remember? There’s every chance we could find something in there. You can talk to your team, see if they can help you arrange for some time off, and then come stay with us for a bit while we try and figure this all out.”

From off to the side, Dean chimed in his agreement. “Sam’s right. Somewhere, there’s got to be a record of this happening to someone. Maybe they’ll have a way to reverse it in there, too.”

This was too much. It was all just too much. She just, she just needed a minute to pull back, to catch her breath. She could be calm and coolheaded about this if she could just get a moment to catch her breath. She hadn’t realized until it was taken away just how much hope she’d been hanging on Sam being able to have some sort of answer. Something that could fix this _now_ , not further down the road, not ‘maybe’. Only they were telling her now that they didn’t know how to fix this. An _archangel_ didn’t know if he could fix this. All their hope was being pinned on something being in this amazing library that Sam had told Spencer about. Spencer wanted to believe they’d find something there but, really, if this spell wasn’t even showing up inside of her, what was to say they could even do anything about it?

Gabriel’s voice broke into her increasingly panicked thoughts. “Why don’t we all take a quick break?” He stepped back away from her, moving to Sam’s side once more, and Spencer was absurdly grateful for the extra space that made it just a bit easier to breathe. “I bet you’d like to get out of those baggy clothes and get a bit cleaned up.” He lifted one hand and gave a quick snap. “There. There’s some clothes in the bathroom for you that should fit. Go ahead and take a bit, grab a shower, whatever you need to do.”

That…that sounded perfect. Spencer looked to Sam, who smiled and gave her a reassuring nod, and she pushed herself up from the seat, drawing her hand away from Sam’s grip. She spared just a moment to say a quick “Thanks” to Gabriel and then she practically ran into the bathroom. She had the door shut so quickly she never saw or heard as Sam turned to Dean and murmured “Would you go and get us something to eat? Just, clear the room for a bit.”

The older Winchester nodded his understanding and quickly gathered up his keys and wallet. Gabriel understood as well and didn’t even have to be told. He gave Sam a slow kiss before telling him “I’ll go back and let Cassie know what’s up. We’ll get started on trying to look for things.”

“Thanks, Gabe.”

With a flutter of wings the archangel was gone. Sam settled back into his chair and waited for what he knew was coming. He knew Spencer well enough to know that her control wasn’t going to last for much longer. Between the exhaustion and the panic, the usual walls she kept up wouldn’t stand a chance. She was going to break a little, and he was going to make sure he was here for her when she did. It was the least he could do. She’d done the same for him plenty of times.

* * *

Leaning back against the closed door, Spencer let her eyes drift shut and sighed in relief at just being _alone._ Spencer hadn’t really thought far enough ahead to realize what was going to happen next. She’d come in here to escape and get her breath back. What she hadn’t stopped to think about was that this was going to be the first time she’d be able to truly stop and take a look at herself. She hadn’t thought about seeing her body as she got changed, or what it would be like to see her reflecting. When she opened her eyes again, one of the very first things she saw was the mirror hanging just off to her side overtop the sink. Nothing could’ve prepared her for the jolt that ran down her body. Every inch of her froze for one split second before slowly turning toward the mirror.

Looking down at herself and seeing the changes through all her old baggy clothes was one thing. Seeing herself like this, seeing this whole new face reflected back at her, a face that wasn’t hers and yet moved like it was—that was something else entirely. _Where am I_? She thought to herself with horror. _Where am I in there? Who is this?_ It was almost impossible to believe that it was her reflection staring back. Stepping back from the mirror, she stared at herself for a moment before pulling the sweater off with almost mechanical movements, followed by her vest, until she stood in just slacks and her overlarge button up shirt. With shaking hands, she lifted the bottom of the shirt to look at the flat stomach underneath.

She’d realized before that this body was petite. Not short—she was the same height—but slender. Thin. That was even more obvious now. Was it any wonder her clothes weren’t fitting right? She let go of the shirt and let it drop back into place and just stared at herself. Her body was tiny! She looked…delicate. Slowly she looked herself over from head to toe, taking in the long legs, the flare of hips that hadn’t been there before, the curve of her chest, the thin bones of her wrists. _Jesus._ There was no Adams apple anymore. A long throat, pale and smooth.

Spencer lifted her eyes, looking to her face. It was her face, and yet…not. The features were softer; gentler. Definitely more feminine. The lips were just a tiny bit fuller than normal and seemed to settle into a pout. Wide brown eyes were framed with longer and thicker lashes than before. There was no mistaking the face as female. It was like someone had taken his face and smoothed it out, making just a little softer. And her hair! It was just a bit longer than she’d had it before, little wisps and bits getting down into her face and her bangs hanging over her eyes if she tipped just right, and curlier than normal. It hung in layers, the longest bits reaching between her jaw and shoulders—shoulders that weren’t quite as broad as they had been.

There was still that hint of muscle in arms and legs, she could feel, but not as defined. Spencer couldn’t believe this. Her body looked like hers, yet it didn’t. Where she had been angles before, she was smoother curves now.

As she stared at her own face, she saw the way her eyes went just a little wider. Her mouth trembled a little on an indrawn breath. Just vaguely she was aware of the fact that her usually iron control was just a hair away from snapping. Standing there staring at her reflection, in a place she knew was safe with a person nearby she knew would look out for her, Spencer felt some of her shields crack just a little and the calm veneer she’d had start to fade away. Unfortunately, that left plenty of room for the fear to slide in. _I could be stuck like this_ , her brain was saying. _I could be stuck this way forever. If we can’t find a way to fix this, I could be stuck. I’ll lose everything!_

Even in her panic, she heard it as the bathroom door opened almost silently beside her and there was no real surprise as Sam slipped in, moving right up to her. He didn’t hesitate to wrap his arms around her and pull her in close. Belatedly Spencer realized that she was breathing heavily, air shuddering in and out of her, and tears were slipping silently down her cheeks. Sam just gathered her close, one hand coming up to cup the back of her head and pull her in so that she could bury her face against his neck. He was only a few inches taller than her but it made this the perfect position to hide in. Holding her there, he rocked slightly, fingers sliding soothingly through her hair. “I sent Dean out to go get something to eat and Gabriel went back to the bunker, so it’s just you and me.” He murmured against her hair. “Just go ahead and let go, Spencer. I’ve got you. I’m right here and I got you.”

Let go she did. Her arms came up, wrapping around him, hands gripping at the back of his shirt as the sobs started to rip their way through her. Here, where she had always been safe to feel anything, she let herself go and let the fear have control for just a moment.

When she was done, when all her tears had been burned out, Sam still stood there holding her. He handed her up a bunch of tissues and kept on holding her as she wiped at her face.

“Better?” Sam asked gently.

Sniffling, Spencer nodded, not quite wanting to let go yet. “Sorry.”

“No, don’t be sorry, Spencer. You’ve got nothing to be sorry for. You’ve had one hell of a day and you’ve got every right to have a bit of a breakdown.” Tipping his head, he pressed a friendly kiss against her hair. “Just remember, you’re not alone, okay? I won’t leave you to deal with this on your own. I’ll be with you the whole way. I’ll go with you back to your team and help explain things and then you’ll come back with Dean and I and we’ll figure this out, okay? We’ll figure it out.”

Held by one of her closest friends, she let herself have one last little moment to just be weak, knowing that it was safe. Here in a few minutes she’d draw herself away and kick him out of there. Then she’d get in the shower, clean herself up, get her control back, and she’d put on the clothes that Gabriel had said he’d snapped in here for her. She’d be strong and do what needed to be done just like she always did. Because it was the only way that Spencer knew how to be.

Just…in a minute.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There we go! I hope the explanation of things makes sense. I tried my best! And there was some cuteness in there, but mostly angst. We got the big freak out dealt with, though. Now, let's see how Spencer settles into being a woman :D
> 
> Next chapter: Sam and Spencer go talk to the BAU and then they meet up with Dean again and head back to the bunker where Spencer will get to meet Castiel and Kevin. Will they be able to find a cure for this spell in the bunker?


	3. Chapter 3

After her little break down with Sam, she finally shooed him out of the bathroom and went about her shower. Now _that_ was an experience and a half. The only reason that Spencer didn’t freak out all over again was that she was just tapped out on it. She’d had her freak out, a thing she didn’t typically ever let herself indulge in, and the natural defenses she had against the crap of the world were starting to build back up. She wouldn’t be able to live the life she did, with the memory capabilities that she had, if she didn’t know how to push things down and lock them away. Her Mom always said that Spencer had learned early on to roll with the punches, sometimes literally. You could knock her down but she never stayed down for long. It took a lot to really break her control.

When she climbed out, she deliberately avoided looking in the mirror. Just washing this body had made her blush! She was never going to admit that. She’d never hear the end of it.

That blush just seemed determined to come out, though. It really kicked in when she found the clothes that Gabriel had left in here for her. They were sitting in a fully stocked duffle bag on the counter by the sink. The archangel hadn’t just given her one outfit; he’d given her a bunch. First and foremost she found undergarments. Thank God she was alone because her cheeks flared up bright red at the first look at the set of white lacy underwear that came out of the bag. She debated only a moment on putting her own boxers back on before discarding the idea. They just wouldn’t sit right on her hips. That meant that, ugh, these were all she had. She tried to dig in the bag for more but the second set she found had her blushing even brighter and shoving them far, far down to the bottom of the bag. No. Just, no.

Panties don’t take any real figuring out to put on. The bra, now, that was a bit tricky, but she eventually got it on. Then she looked down in the bag once more to try and find what other clothes Gabriel had snapped in here. It quickly became apparent that he might’ve had the courtesy not to tease her to her face about this change but the trickster was still very much evident in his personality. There wasn’t a single pair of jeans or slacks in the bag. There were three different skirts, two of which were ankle length and one that looked like it’d hit her knees, and a pair of jean shorts that would probably hit around her knees, plus three tank tops and two sweaters. The little shit. Couldn’t he have given her regular clothes? Just plain old jeans and shirts?

She sighed and rolled her eyes. Ah, it didn’t really matter. Who cared about what she wore? Grabbing the first two things her hand landed on, she pulled them out and quickly dressed herself in the white tank top and a skirt that was done in diagonal stripes of black, white, gold, orange, purple, blue, white and tan. It was a lot of color and made her think just slightly of Penelope. It wasn’t something her friend would wear but it was something she’d approve of. She’d enjoy the cheerfulness of the colors.

It took a few adjustments, trying to get the shirt collar not to ride down _too_ low—while she _wasn’t_ seriously endowed, the bra had labeled her as a C, and she was slightly frightened, amused, and just a bit impressed that Gabriel had given her a perfectly fitting bra after one look at her—but finally she got it all to sit right. She even found random necessities like a hairbrush and deodorant in the bag. By the time she made her way out of the bathroom, she was completely put together and, though not entirely comfortable yet, she was light years more comfortable than she’d been in the oversized clothes.

Now that she was clean and dressed, she made herself take one more look in the mirror, needing for some reason to see herself actually dressed like a woman. It was easier this time to look at herself. The strong burst of shock wasn’t there. It was strange, yes, and it still didn’t feel like she was looking at _Spencer_ , but it didn’t send her into a panic. She was calmer than she’d been before and was able to look at herself as a whole, not as little pieces, and not in some effort to try and find traces of who she’d been before. Hands on her hips, she looked over her body with a critical eye. Melissa’s spell had seemed to make sure that all the women were gorgeous and, while that wasn’t a word she’d apply to herself, she had to admit that she didn’t look _bad_. Short, curly hair, big eyes, high cheekbones, pouting lips, her face was pleasing to look at. The tank top she was in, as well as the bra that she had to admit was much more supportive and necessary than she would’ve figured, gave her a bit of cleavage that she knew men would look at. The top also clung just enough to show the dip at her waist and the swell of her hips, making her look just a bit curvy, and the skirt only added to that, somehow making her look even more delicate. Like some wispy, willowy thing.

It was just, weird. She was used to being geeky looking and nerdy and not someone that people considered attractive or even paid any attention to at all. This was going to take some getting used to. Grabbing her duffle, she finally came back out to the main room.

Dean was back by now, which she’d suspected, and he and Sam both looked up from where they were sitting on either bed, talking quietly while Dean appeared to be cleaning one of his guns. All conversation cut off at the sight of her. Once more she found her cheeks heating as the two men stared her way. Dean’s mouth actually dropped open a little bit, while Sam was beaming at her with that look she’d always been amazed he turned her way, the one that said just how much he liked what he was seeing. It put the same warmth low in her stomach now that it always did. A warmth she firmly reminded herself she had to ignore. He was with someone else now. Someone he loved. Someone who had the power to _smite_ people who went after what was his. She was going to have to behave herself.

Chewing on the inside of her cheek, she shifted uncomfortably under their stares. One of her hands came up to tuck a bit of hair behind her ear. “Gabriel, um, didn’t really give me much choice with clothes. There were mostly skirts and tank tops in there.”

“You look amazing.” Sam told her.

Dean nodded, his eyes sparking with a look that had Spencer shifting ever so slightly towards Sam. “He’s right, you do.”

Something in Dean’s tone had Sam turning to look at him. Whatever he saw on his brother’s face had him scowling. Reaching out, he punched Dean’s arm, making his older brother jump before turning to glare at him. “Dude!”

“Put your eyes back in your head and quit gawking at my friend.” Sam scolded him rather sharply. “You’re making her uncomfortable.”

“I was complimenting her!”

“You were _drooling_ over her.” Sam corrected. He fixed Dean with a firm glare and warned him “No hitting on Spencer.”

Spencer had to turn away to hide her smile as Dean started to try and stammer out his insistence that he very much was _not_ hitting on Spencer _at all_. She set her new duffle bag down on the end of Sam’s bed and put the bagged up set of her old clothes in there. She’d snagged a garbage bag from the bathroom and used that to bundle up the dirty clothes so they wouldn’t touch the clean ones. On the top of the rest of it she’d set down her credentials, her wallet and her phone which she’d taken out of her pants pocket. She pulled out the phone now, wishing absently that this outfit had _pockets_ or something. A look at the display told her that she’d missed a call from Derek and a few texts from JJ. The messages were all just letting her know that things had been dealt with at the crime scene and then the last one let her know that the team was back at the motel.

She needed to go and speak with her team and let them know what was going on. Spencer smothered a sigh and quickly sent out a text back to JJ to let her know that she was on her way to the motel to speak with them. Then she dropped the phone onto the bed before moving to sit next to the bag. She’d noticed shoes in there before and she dug around to the bottom, bypassing the sandals there to grab a pair of socks and the black sneakers she found. As she slipped the socks on, trying to adjust around the skirt and make sure she didn’t lift it too high or move it wrong, she waited for a pause in the boys’ bickering to interject “I need to go and meet with my team. Would one of you two mind calling me a cab to take over there? They’re all back at the motel now and I need to speak with them to let them know what’s going on.”

“I’ll take you over there, Spencer.” Sam said. “I told you I’d come with you.”

Oh, that was right. She’d forgotten he’d said that. Looking up from tying her shoe, she smiled at him. “I’d appreciate that.” She hadn’t really looked forward to the idea of going over there on her own.

Once she had her shoes on, she grabbed one of the sweaters from the bag. It was a black cardigan with big buttons on the front and she gratefully pulled it on and hid herself inside of it. Thankfully, there were pockets, so she could toss her cell phone in there.

To her surprise, it wasn’t just Sam who stood up and started to pack things away, it was Dean as well. Her curiosity must’ve shown on her face because Sam explained as he gathered up his duffle. “Dean’s gonna drive us over there and wait. Once we’re done with your team, we’re going to get on the road towards home.”

“If you guys don’t take too long, we should be able to make it home before midnight.” Dean added in.

Spencer nodded her agreement. That worked out fine for her. The sooner they got there, the sooner she could start trying to figure out a way out of this.

The trio got the car loaded quickly and soon Spencer found herself folded into a backseat—getting in and getting her skirt in with her had taken her a second to figure out—and then they were on their way to her team’s motel. They were almost there when Spencer felt that she had to point out something. “Sam, you know you don’t have to come in with me, right? There’s no telling if any of the team might recognize you from your files. Not that there’s any risk for you, because they’re not. I trust them and they trust me and I know they wouldn’t try to arrest you. They’d take my word on things. But I don’t want to put you through that kind of situation if you don’t have to.”

“It’s fine.” Sam cut in, stopping her ramble from going any further. He turned enough to smile back at her. “I’ll be fine, Spencer. I can handle it.”

They pulled in just a few minutes later. Spencer pushed down her nerves as best as she could and gathered herself carefully before stepping out of the car. She waited until Sam was at her side and then the two were quietly making their way over to the motel room where she knew her team was waiting.

When Sam’s hand wrapped around hers, she said nothing, but she gave a grateful squeeze.

“You ready for this?” Sam asked her softly as they stopped right in front of the door.

Spencer blew out a breath and shook her head. “No.” Still, she lifted a hand and knocked on the door. Best to get this over with. She looked over at Sam as they waited for the door to be answered and she felt compelled to warn him “I apologize in advance for anything they say or do.”

“If I can handle Dean and Gabe, I’m sure I can handle your team.”

Oh, he had no idea what he was getting into here, but there was no more time for her to warn him. The door was opening and Spencer found herself face to face with JJ. Her friend’s eyes widened as she looked Spencer over from head to toe, though she’d seen Spencer earlier and knew what had happened, and then they narrowed slightly as they looked over at Sam. But, JJ had always been tactful, it had been one of the things that had helped her do so well as media liaison. Becoming a profiler officially had only strengthened that ability it seemed. She didn’t say any of the things that Spencer could read on her face and she didn’t press anything. She just took a step back and held the door open wide. “Come on in, guys. Everyone’s in here.”

Everyone was in the room. Somehow they’d managed to all fit into this one room even if it wasn’t quite made for this many people. They were all in here, spread out around the room, and all of them were staring right at Spencer as she made her way inside. She was extremely grateful for Sam’s presence right up against her side. He wasn’t holding her hand any longer but he was close enough to her side that their arms kept brushing against each other. Spencer didn’t bother pulling away, even though she could see her teammates looking at them and drawing their own conclusions. She knew they’d figure out from their body language alone that she and Sam had once been lovers. There was a comfort with one another that would give that away. That didn’t matter to her.

“Wow.” Emily said, breaking the silence around them. Her eyes did a sweep over Spencer. “You know, I’ve told you before—there’s a lot to hate about you, Dr. Reid.”

Surprise lit up Spencer's face and had her eyebrows lifting. “What are you talking about?”

Emily smiled and shook her head, her eyes twinkling in humor. “It was hard to see before in those baggy clothes and such, but, wow. Look at you! Couldn’t you at least have turned into an ugly girl? Or an _average_ girl? Instead, you look like some model.”

Oh. Color stained Spencer's cheeks. “It’s a part of the spell.” Why did everyone keep bringing this part of things up? “You guys saw it with the other victims. The witch made sure that each person transformed into someone attractive. If she didn’t, it wouldn’t have worked as effectively.” That wasn’t the part of things they should be focusing on anyways. Brushing it off as unimportant, Spencer moved on, focusing on what was important here. Her nerves flared back up a bit and she caught the edge of one of her sleeves and twisted it in her fingers. “Sorry it took me so long to get back to you guys.” She bit her lip and then sighed, trying to push back her nerves. There was no reason to be nervous in front of her friends. These were people who were like family to her. She had no reason to be nervous in front of them. They weren’t going to make fun of her or hurt her or anything like that. Reminding herself of that, she straightened up a little more, drawing on some of the confidence that this group of people had helped to teach her over the years. “It took a little longer than I’d anticipated. Even then, as you can tell, we weren’t successful. The spell the witch cast was a powerful one and it apparently isn’t going to be broken easily.”

“Spells like this are made stronger when you add in blood,” Sam said, drawing attention his way. He didn’t flinch under it at all. He stood perfectly at ease beside her as he explained this. “The fact that she died while still connected to the spell also gave it an extra power boost. Think of it like a line between her and Spencer—when she died, all the power in her went down that line and into Spencer. All of that power poured into one single spell.”

“And who might you be?” Dave asked. He was smiling politely, but his sharp eyes were watching Sam, reading him, trying to figure him out just the same as everyone else was.

Spencer put a hand on Sam’s arm to keep him from answering. “He’s my friend.” Her tone made it clear they were getting nothing more. That was all they needed to know. The rest wasn’t anyone else’s business. Sam may be comfortable with this, or at least he said he was, but that didn’t mean that she was going to throw him out there. The last thing they needed was for the team to realize it was a Winchester that she was with. They’d be doing a whole lot more explaining then. “He’s the expert I was talking about.”

“So, expert.” Derek said, voice slightly dry. “How exactly do we go about breaking this spell? Reid can’t stay like this.”

“That’s what we’re here about.” Sam said. “Spencer needs to come with me for a little while so that we can figure out a way to reverse the spell.”

“I just need you to arrange for some time off for me, Hotch. I should have plenty; I never use it.” Spencer said. It was true, too. She never took time off. Never even took sick days, really. There should be plenty of PTO that she’d accrued.

JJ flashed a look over at Sam and then back to Spencer. “Spence, are you sure?”

“It’s the only way.” She looked over at the others, including them in her words. “This is the only chance I have of trying to find a way to reverse this. I know you guys want to help, I do, but this isn’t something you can help with. This is a world that none of you are a part of. But _he_ is.” She gestured towards Sam with one hand. “This is a world he’s grown up in and there are few who could claim to know it better. If there’s any chance of fixing this, it’s with him and his friends.”

“So we’re just supposed to let you go running off on your own and then hope for the best?” Emily asked.

Her word choice had Spencer going still. Annoyance flashed hot and bright and was forcibly smothered. Still, a hint of it showed in the slight snap to her words when she answered her friend. “No one is _letting_ me do anything. I’m making the choice to go off with someone that I have known since I was in college, someone that I trust with my life. I didn’t come here asking for permission on this. I came because you’re all my friends and you deserve to know what’s going on. But the fact of the matter is, the decision is made. This is the only choice I have. The only choices left to be made now are whether or not I’ll have a job to return to.”

Out of the corner of her eye she caught sight of Sam turning his head and wiping a hand over his face in an effort to hide his smile. He always was amused when she got what he called ‘snarky’.

“You’re job will be here, Reid.” Aaron reassured her.

She turned to look at him. “I don’t know how long this will take.”

“You’ve got plenty of time built up.”

“And if you need longer, kiddo.” Dave said, drawing her eyes to him. “The Bureau lets us donate our own unused time, and I’ve got plenty. Just trust us to take care of things on our end and you focus on your end, all right?”

Spencer couldn’t stop the smile that stretched over her lips. “Thank you.” She’d known she’d be able to count on them.


	4. Chapter 4

Saying goodbye to her friends wasn’t easy. Between the hugs and the demands for her to call and just, just _everything_ , she was a little more emotional than normal and was honestly a bit grateful when her and Sam finally made their way out of there. She was even more grateful when he wrapped his arm around her shoulders and drew her in against his side. It was easy to lean on him while they made their way back to meet up with Dean. Sam knew her well and he didn’t press her to talk about things. He just kept her tucked up against his side and let his presence provide whatever comfort it could.

When they got back to the car, she went quietly into the backseat, giving just a small nod in greeting to Dean. The two men up front left her alone and allowed her the privacy of her own thoughts as they started their trip to what Sam called ‘the bunker’ and what Dean called ‘the Batcave’. Spencer wasn’t sulking, really she wasn’t. But it felt nice to have the time to put her thoughts in order. At least, for a little while. It didn’t take long with the music and the vibration of the car before she drifted off to sleep. She didn’t see Sam smile when he looked back at her, or notice the jacket he tossed over her, though she tugged it closer around her after a while.

When she finally woke up, it was dark outside and the car was off. Dean was already out of the car and Sam was twisted around so that he could face her. It’d been him calling her name that had woken her up. She blinked sleepy eyes that took a few moments to adjust to the dark before she could clearly see Sam smiling at her. “Hey, sleepyhead.” He greeted her, humor in his tone. “We’re here. You slept the trip away.”

She lifted one hand and rubbed at sleep-gritty eyes. “I didn’t realize how tired I was.”

“Makes sense. You had a major spell worked on you, Spencer. Your body’s gonna need time to recover from that.”

“Yeah.” A yawn slid free and she quickly covered it with her hand. Then she sat up a little and gave one last wipe over her face. “So, we’re here?” There didn’t seem to be all that much outside of the impala. Dean was out there, with two other people, though, one of which she recognized as Gabriel.

“Yep, we’re here. So wake up and come meet Cas before we head inside.”

Sam climbed out of the car before Spencer could question him about that. That didn’t really leave her much choice except to follow him. Grumbling only a little, she climbed out of the car, taking a second once she was on her feet to stretch out long limbs that had been trapped in that small backseat for a little too long. She missed the appreciative looks that her stretches earned her. When she finally shut her door, she handed Sam’s jacket back to him. The air held a nip to it and she didn’t want to keep him from being warm. Burrowing into her own sweater, she arched an eyebrow at him. “Is there any particular reason we’re doing this outside?” This body seemed to retain heat even worse than her male one. The wind blew and she huddled in a little more, shivering.

“Because I know you, Dr. Reid.” Sam said dryly. “Once we get you inside, we’re going to lose you, manners or no manners. So, come meet Castiel.”

It wasn’t hard to figure out which one was Castiel, even without Sam’s gesture. He was the only one here she hadn’t met. Her eyes drifted over the human who had once been an angel—one who, Sam told her, they were trying to return to being an angel once more, just as soon as they could recover the grace Metatron stole from him. So this was the Castiel she’d heard so much about, hm? There was a small part of Spencer that she knew wasn’t fair; that part of her wasn’t all that fond of the man in front of her. Not after the things she’d heard over the years. The things that he’d done to Sam. Yes, he’d done them in the name of what he believed to be right, or under orders from those he trusted, or countless other things. He had his reasons and Sam accepted them. Sam forgave him and, in fact, cared for him like another brother. For that alone she was willing to be kind and to give him the benefit of the doubt. But, she’d hold off on her opinion for a bit. There were very few people in Spencer's life that she allowed to get in close. Sam was one of the ones that she’d let the closest, right along with her mother, and she’d been told many a time she was protective of those she cared for.

“Hello, Spencer.” Castiel said. His voice surprised her with how deep and gravely it was. He leaned in just slightly towards Dean, and Dean let him, but there was none of the ease there like Gabriel and Sam had. There wasn’t the comfort or surety that those two had. They were still figuring things out sometimes, Sam had explained. One angel that wasn’t sure how to be human and one human who’d been taught expressing himself would make him a girl. _That probably makes things difficult._

Smiling softly, Spencer lifted one free hand and waved it quickly before tucking it back in, practically inside her armpit. “Nice to meet you, Castiel.”

“Great, introductions are out of the way.” Dean said, looking over at her and then at Castiel, who was shivering a little as well. “Can we move this inside now?”

That was something Spencer could get behind. She barely resisted the urge to cheer as they started to lead their way in. She was a bit surprised when Gabriel slid up alongside her, though, bracketing her between him and Sam. Not that she was going to protest. The archangel was almost radiating heat and Sam was always a perfect heater. Between them, they were warm enough to counter the chilly wind.

It was even worth the playful leer that Gabriel gave her. “Nice outfit, kiddo.”

Spencer refused to let out the smile that twitched against her lips. Something told her he knew it was there anyways. She tried her best to glare at him and even she knew she failed miserably. “I didn’t really have much of a choice. _Someone_ didn’t give me any plain jeans.”

“You wear a skirt well for a guy-turned-girl.”

She shrugged as they stopped at a door she hadn’t noticed before. “It’s not the first time I’ve worn one. They don’t really take much practice.”

Curiosity lit Gabriel’s face. Luckily, she was saved from answering whatever questions he had. Dean opened the door and they were all shuffling inside and Spencer got her first true look at the Men of Letters bunker. She walked in and let herself look around without bothering to hide her amazement. This place was _fantastic_. There were so many things she wanted to look at. So much she wanted to explore. Beside her, Sam chuckled. “I know. I was the same way when we first found this place.” With one hand on the small of her back, he moved her towards the stairs. “Let me show you what I know you’ll like.”

Spencer let him lead her down the stairs, her eyes taking in everything as she went. The table with the giant map on it that looked like it lit up. The old machines against the wall. And then they cleared the bottom of the stairs and Sam was leading her to his favorite place and the one place he knew she’d love. Spencer froze at the entrance to the library. She knew her eyes were wide, that she probably looked like a kid in a candy store, and she didn’t care. There were so many books in here! Books that she didn’t recognize, that she hadn’t read. _Tons_ of them! And Sam had told her once that the library was only half of it. He’d told her on the phone once that there were tons more in storage. Lore books, record books, so many different kinds. It too everything she had not to just dive right in. Wide, hopeful eyes turned to Sam, who was watching her with a dimpled grin that only grew bigger as she looked at him. “Go ahead.” he said.

That was all the encouragement she needed. One hand in her skirt to hold it away from her feet, she hurried forward and started to look over the shelves. Whatever conversation was happening behind her was lost on her. She didn’t really worry about it. Sam would come and let her know anything important. He knew how she was with new books and he’d know how to get her attention if needed.

There were so many she hadn’t read, she wasn’t sure where to start for a moment. In the end she opted to just start at the top and work her way down.

In no time she was settled down in a chair with a stack of books on the floor and her legs curled up underneath her. She adjusted her skirt to make sure she was covered and then quickly pulled up the first book. She only looked up when she heard Sam’s familiar chuckle from right up close. When she lifted her eyes, she found him standing there with his bag in hand, and hers as well. Amusement danced in his eyes. “Make yourself at home there, Spence. I’m just gonna go drop stuff of in a room for you.”

That grabbed Spencer's attention a little more. “Sam…”

“I know.” He said, cutting in before she could get too far. “I remember.”

Spencer relaxed a little at that. She should’ve known that Sam would remember her dislike of dorm rooms because they were all too close together and she didn’t like being close enough for anyone to hear her. Much like Sam and his night troubles, Spencer had suffered from her own share of nightmares, and because of those she didn’t like sleeping close to people. It was different with those few she trusted enough to sleep in bed with her. Sam’s solid presence in her bed had always been a great deterrent to nightmares. But otherwise she preferred privacy. It made staying in motels with the team a little bit difficult sometimes. She’d learned to adjust, though. “Thanks.”

Books had always been a haven for Spencer and it was easy for her to lose herself in them now. As everyone else headed away, off to greet their respective partners, Spencer let herself get absorbed in the book in her hand and left her problems far behind.

* * *

She spent hours in that chair. Didn’t even notice how much time had passed, really. Not until she heard a familiar voice saying “I knew you’d still be out here.”

Pulled from her book—an in depth account of ancient wiccan practices in England—she found Sam standing not that far away, dressed down to his night clothes of sweats and a t-shirt. Beside him stood Gabriel, who was in plaid pajama pants and a sweater that had to be Sam’s. It was huge on him. Spencer pushed down the little pang she felt at seeing them, at knowing what they’d been doing, and she fixed a small sheepish smile on her lips. “I got caught up.”

Sam rolled his eyes, but he was smiling. “I figured you would.”

“You’re as bad as Sammy here.” Gabriel said, shaking his head.

Laughter bubbled up from Sam. “Worse.”

The two were almost radiating their good mood. That sort of laid back, happy, just-got-laid feel to them, and Spencer really didn’t want to sit here and be subjected to their afterglow. Happy as she was for them, she didn’t want to have to bear witness to it. She’d seen Sam in the afterglow often enough to recognize the look on him. It was one of her favorites. He always looked so relaxed and almost carefree then. It was one of the few times that he’d come close to looking at peace. It made the handsome man even more attractive. And it looked to do the same for his partner. Without his hair gelled back, and dressed down in comfortable clothes, there was something immensely appealing about the archangel that was leaning against Sam’s side. He seemed more approachable, too, and yet so out of her league. They both were. She’d never understood what Sam saw in her before.

Spencer's thoughts were getting just a little too morose and she pushed them back with a sigh. Yeah, it was definitely time for bed. She closed the book she held and set it off to the side with the rest of her stack to be finish tomorrow. “Is it all right if I leave these here?”

“Of course.” Sam said. “I won’t move them, and Dean doesn’t really mess with anything in here, so they’ll be fine.”

She unfolded herself from the chair and straightened up, only swaying a little bit. Wow. She was more tired than she’d thought. She wiped a hand over her face and then looked to her friend, who was giving her a knowing look that only made her roll her eyes. “Would you mind showing me where I’m going to sleep, or would you like to stand there and feel proud of yourself for being right while I go search on my own?”

“I forgot how snarky you can get when you’re tired and out of sorts.” Sam said dryly. A flush covered Spencer's cheeks and he chuckled at her. “C’mon, this way.”

The room that they led Spencer too was down a different hall than the boys. From what she could see as they walked along, it looked like the Men of Letters had sectioned off their rooms. She wondered if they were just set up that way because there were so many, or if maybe they’d been sectioned off into different wings for Men and Women, or for Men and Families, or what. It’d be interesting to ask about tomorrow. Tonight, she was really starting to feel her exhaustion, and she didn’t say much of anything except to yawn as they led her to a door. “I thought you’d like the privacy of being in the separate wing.” Sam told her as he opened up the door. “The room across the hall is where we put Charlie when she visits.”

Spencer smiled at him and briefly touched his arm as she passed him and went inside. The room wasn’t fancy, but it was nice. A great big bed dominated the center of it. One that she was happy to see looked to be longer even than she was. The room held a rather large desk, a bookshelf, a dresser, and a beautiful looking armoire. There was also another door, which had her turning to look back at Sam and Gabriel curiously. Gabriel grinned at her. “I told Sammy to put you in this one cause it’s one of the few that has its own bathroom instead of the communal one.” The archangel told her.

“There are only two here that do. We figure they were set up for the head guys, back in the day. Special privileges being leaders and all that.” Sam said.

She hadn’t thought at all about bathrooms or such and what they’d be like here. Knowing that she had her own made her relax ever so slightly. “Thanks, guys.”

“No problem.”

“Everything’s stocked.” Gabriel said. He leaned against Sam and gestured towards the dresser and the armoire. “You’ve got plenty of clothes, everything you’d need in this body, and the bathroom has all the stuff in there you’ll need as well. And yes,” He smirked when he saw her open her mouth to ask a question. “There are jeans and slacks in there, too. Your closet is Sammy approved.”

Spencer shut her mouth and shot Sam a grateful look. Not that she really minded the skirt. Her hands unconsciously smoothed the front of it, pushing out a few of the wrinkles there. It really wasn’t bad to wear and she probably wouldn’t mind doing it again. It was comfortable. But still, knowing she had a good pair of pants in there was relieving. “Thanks again, guys. For, well, for everything.”

“Anytime, Spencer. You know that.” Pushing away from the door, Sam came forward and pulled her into one of those great big hugs of his and she let herself melt into it for a second. When he pulled back, she was surprised to find herself caught up by Gabriel next, who pulled her in for a hug as well that was just as tight and just as warm as Sam’s. It wasn’t one of those light hugs that always irritated Spencer or left her feeling uncomfortable. It was quick but firm, just like Sam did, and she enjoyed it before he pulled away.

The two wished her a goodnight and were gone a moment later. Only when the door was shut did Spencer relax at all. She let go of the control that she’d been holding to keep herself upright and calm and she let her body slump just a little. Man, but she was tired! This, it had been a hell of a day, and it’d all taken a lot out of her, physically and mentally. She was ready for sleep.

It didn’t take long to find the drawer that held pajamas. The clothes she was wearing were stripped off and tossed into a basket that she found in the bathroom. Then she was slipping into a pair of pajama shorts and a tank top that she’d found together in the drawer. Usually Spencer was one for sleeping in just his boxers and a t-shirt so this worked. Then, once she took care of her needs in the bathroom—and she was amused to find that her bag had been unpacked and her bathroom stuff was already on the counter—she made her way back to the bedroom. Only a lamp was left on as she slid herself between the amazingly soft bed sheets.

Tucked down into this giant bed, wrapped up in the warmest and softest sheets she’d ever felt, in a place that was secured against pretty much _everything_ , Spencer let herself finally relax. Sleep came quickly and easily that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter: Spencer settles into the bunker and research begins
> 
> Anything you'd like to see, let me know! :D I'm open to anything you guys want to see happen in here!


	5. Chapter 5

Spencer had no idea how long she actually slept but she woke feeling more rested than she had for a long, long time. She also woke feeling exceedingly hungry. After a quick shower, she dressed in a pair of comfortable jeans and a white button on shirt with a black fitted vest over it. It was close enough to her usual style, though it felt sort of different on this body, with these curves. She found shoes in the bottom of the armoire, too, and chose a pair of simple slip on flats. Then she made her way out of her room.

She had that nice, lazy feeling that came from a good night’s sleep and a relaxing shower, and it stayed with her as she wandered through the bunker in search of the kitchen. It didn’t take too long to find it. She just had to follow her nose. The scent of coffee led her to the room she needed. Spencer couldn’t start her day without a good dose of caffeine. Awake though she may be, it was often joked amongst her friends that her brain didn’t fully start until at least her second cup. Derek often said that approaching her before then was to take your life into your hands—she’d been known to snap at quite a few people who felt the need to ask too many questions before she was fully awake.

As luck would have it, she found a kitchen—with coffee, bless them, already made in the pot!—and not a soul in sight. It allowed her to get through her first cup in relative peace. Once she was on her second cup, she finally felt alert, ready to start her day, and she made her way out of the kitchen. It wasn’t hard to get back to the library from last night. When she stepped out of the hall, she found that there were already a few people there. Castiel and Sam were both seated at the long table with books spread out in front of them.

The two looked up at almost the same time. Castiel’s smile was small, just a slight twitch of the lips that was both sweet and slightly shy. Sam’s smile was warmer and brighter, a familiar one full of greeting and affection. “There you are.” The taller hunter said. “I was beginning to wonder when you were going to wake up.”

She made her way over towards the two, cradling her mug between her hands. “How long have I been out?”

“You slept about fourteen hours.”

Surprise had Spencer's eyebrows shooting up. After a second, her expression smoothed out. It really did make sense if she stopped to think about it. What she’d been through had been a major thing, physically. Logic would say that her body really needed the recovery time. And she did feel much better than she had when she’d gone to sleep. Less tired, less sore. A little more like herself. Well, as much as she could be like herself while still like this. That mixed up thought made her snort a little. She shook her head to clear it and found that Sam and Castiel were both watching her with curious looks on their faces, though Sam looked more amused than anything. He was used to her tendency to run an inner monologue and react to it. He didn’t even bother asking her what she’d been thinking about. He just sat back in his chair and gestured towards the books. “Cas and Gabe did some work while we were driving here and they found a bunch of books for us to look at that _might_ help. Gabe went off to get a few pictures of the altar and such, too, so we can maybe try and gather information from there.” He paused before adding “He said if you’re up for it he’d like to take a more in-depth look at the spell today to try and figure out a little more. He wants to look with the pagan side of things instead of as an archangel.”

Spencer wrinkled her nose at that. Letting people inside her head just wasn’t something that she was okay with. But Sam trusted him, and last time he’d looked he hadn’t done anything bad. Really, his presence had felt sort of _good_. Warm, even. He hadn’t hurt her at all. “Okay.”

“We have found nothing so far pertaining to this type of curse.” Castiel added. “But we have only just begun our search.”

“Perfect. Where can I start?” Spencer asked.

A stack of books was moved over and Spencer took her place at the table with them. She set her cup down long enough to sort and stack the books in the order that she would read them and then she was making herself comfortable and starting her reading. She kept the book spread out in front of her and years of practice allowed her to be able to do her reading and page turning with one hand while her other held her mug of coffee. It was a skill she’d learned back in college and one that had come in handy many times at the Bureau.

She didn’t notice Castiel’s curious look her way, nor really think anything of her reading speed. Not until Dean’s voice suddenly filled the air. “Dude, are you seriously reading that fast?”

Years of being asked that very question by countless police officers had taught her not to ramble out a response but to simply answer with a “Yes, I am” without ever even looking up from her page.

“She can read about twenty thousand words a minute.” Sam explained helpfully.

Spencer snuck up a look long enough to see Dean sliding down into a chair near Castiel. The way the two leaned into one another made her lips quirk just the slightest bit. Their body language around each other was so strange. Mentally, she made a note to talk to Sam later and ask if those two were actually together or not. It was hard to tell even for a profiler.

“Damn.” Dean said, eyeing her as she turned another page.

A laugh bubbled up from Sam. “I told you, she’s a bit of a genius.”

“Dude, I thought you were just being polite. Y’know, just saying she’s really smart. Not like, actual, full on genius.”

Before Sam could say anything to that, because she knew what he’d say, Spencer spoke up. “I’ve debated this with people many times over the years and I can’t ever seem to get anyone to understand that intelligence cannot be accurately quantified. Despite my efforts, the title of genius is still used.” Holding her finger on the page to mark her spot, she looked up and across the table to where Dean and Castiel were both openly watching her. “However, as Sam was doubtless about to explain, I do have an IQ of one hundred and eighty seven, and I also have an eidetic memory.” She saw the confusion on Dena’s face and hurried to explain. “Most people mistake it for a photographic memory. It is sight oriented; I have almost perfect visual recall. But it also includes my other senses as well.”

“So, you pretty much remember everything.” Dean said.

Spencer shrugged and made a so-so gesture with her hand. “Mostly everything. I tend to be bad with names sometimes if I don’t put the effort into listening when someone’s introduced to me. And sometimes I know something, but there’s so much I have already in my mind, it can take me a bit to find what I need.”

“I would imagine that ability has made life very difficult for you.” Castiel said. There was a sympathetic look to his eyes as he tipped his head and watched her. “I’ve come to understand that humans prefer to forget their rougher memories, often with the aid of alcohol.”

Memories cropped up of a different time in her life and a familiar empty feeling that had once been so terrifying and so amazing all at the same time. Her hand twitched as if to reach for her inner elbow where she knew the marks still sat on her skin—she’d looked this morning while showering and had seen that all of her old scars had survived the transformation, every last one of them—but she held herself back. Her voice when she spoke again was just a little flat. “We all have our ways of coping.”

“Speaking of coping,” Dean said, effectively drawing conversation away from what even he could see was a sticky subject. “How you dealing this morning?”

“Fine.” Spencer answered. At his skeptical look, she gave him a small, real smile. “Really, I am. I mean, if you’re asking if I’m angry or upset, of course I am, but neither emotion is all that helpful. They won’t change the situation. Besides, it could’ve been worse.”

“Worse than being turned into a hot chick?”

The ‘hot’ part of that had Spencer flushing just a little. She ignored it, though, and focused on the rest. “You know witches better than just about anyone, I’d imagine. You’re telling me that you can’t think of something worse than this?” She gestured towards herself with one hand before letting it drop back to the table. “Aside from the drastic physical changes that will take a bit of adjusting to, this isn’t really all that bad.” A corner of her mouth quirked up. “I’ve never really conformed to stereotypical gender roles, anyways. I’ve always believed that a person is more than what they have between their legs. Female, male, it doesn’t matter. I’m still me in here.”

Her words seemed to have stunned them all. Spencer shifted uncomfortably as they all stared at her with open surprise. It was Castiel who finally spoke up, and he offered her a soft smile as he did. “You are an amazing individual. I wish more humans saw that way.”

The mood in the room was heavy and their stares more than a little uncomfortable. Over the years, Spencer had picked up a few habits from her friends, and one of them came into play now. She’d always been good at deflection but time spent with Derek had taught her how to do it with a small amount of humor. “I grew up in Las Vegas—that’s really not a town that holds gender ideals all that high. It’s kind of hard to worry about it when your Mom’s best friend at the time was one of the most popular drag queens in town.”

Just like she’d wanted, the tension was broken, and laughter filled the room. It was that sound that Gabriel arrived to. He looked around the table and smiled at the good cheer he saw there. “What’s this? Are you guys partying without me?”

“Jealous?” Dean asked, smirking.

Gabriel rolled his eyes and dropped down into the open chair beside Sam, kicking his feet up on the table. “As if, bucko.”

Even with the short amount of time that Spencer had spent with everyone here she could already see that these two liked to bicker just as much as Sam had told her. They were casual about it but there was just enough of an edge to their words, a certain tension to their bodies that suggested they were straddling that line between playing and serious. Neither one seemed all that sure about one another. From what she knew, they all had quite a history together. Sam had told her how these two had gotten along before. Apparently not all of that had cleared up yet. She watched as they started a back and forth between them that, judging by the look that Castiel and Sam exchanged, was far too common.

Her attention was drawn back down to the books in front of her and for a while she zoned the room out. She didn’t break free until a book and a half later—nothing, so far, was proving helpful—when she went to go take another drink and found her coffee mug empty. She didn’t realize the pout that curved her lips as she looked down into the mug.

There was still a conversation going on around the table so Spencer tried not to interrupt it as she quietly pushed up to her feet. They were discussing the altar, she could see, with pictures that Gabriel must’ve brought back with him. That wasn’t anywhere near her area of expertise and she had no trouble leaving them to it. The BAU had taught her how to work with a team, each person playing to their strengths. They could handle looking at the altar and she’d take care of looking through books.

Still, as soon as she was on her feet, Sam was looking towards her, a slightly curious look on his face. She held her mug up and his expression cleared. Smiling, he nodded his understanding and turned back to the pictures, never missing a beat in the conversation and diving right back into it. Spencer smiled to herself as she made her way back to the kitchen.

The last thing she’d expected was to run into someone when she entered the kitchen again. There was a young man seated at the table, eating a bowl of cereal with his head bowed low. There was only one person in the house that she hadn’t met yet; this had to be Kevin Tran, their Prophet.

Spencer must’ve made some kind of noise because Kevin looked up. He startled at the sight of her, obviously not having been expecting her, and his whole body went a bit tense like he was prepared to run. Poor kid. From what she’d heard, he’d been through a lot since he’d joined up with the Winchesters. She offered him a shy smile and curled her hands around her mug as his eyes gave her a quick once over. “Hey.” She greeted him softly, not wanting to spook him. “I’m Spencer. Sam’s friend? You must be Kevin. I’ve heard a lot about you.”

Almost instantly the tension drained out of him and the prophet was smiling up at her. “Oh, I’m sorry. Sam told me you were coming, I just, forgot.” His smile was just as shy as hers, and slightly nervous. Color filled his cheeks suddenly and then he was pushing himself up to his feet and one hand came up to smooth back his hair. His other hand was held out towards her. “Sorry! I’ve got horrible manners when I’m barely awake. I’m Kevin—Kevin Tran.”

She didn’t point out that she’d already said his name. The kid looked flustered enough as it was, and exhausted to boot. Instead, she did something she didn’t usually do with strangers, and she moved forward and actually shook his hand. “It’s nice to meet you.”

The smile he gave her was a bit brighter than before and a little more relaxed. “It’s nice to meet you too. I didn’t know Sam had any old friends left.” As soon as the words came out of his mouth, he was blushing again and dropping his hand back down. “I mean, I didn’t mean it like that. Man, that sounded so much worse than it did in my head. I’m sorry.”

To his surprise, Spencer let out a laugh. “It’s fine, don’t worry about it.” Still chuckling, she made her way over to the coffee pot which, blessedly, still had a cup or two in it. These guys were some serious coffee drinkers. She’d barely noticed before, but it was a double pot machine. Well, at least she was in good company with her coffee drinking habits. As she poured her cup, she cast a quick amused look back at Kevin, who had at least taken his seat once more. She understood better than most what it was like to be socially awkward and to make missteps in conversation, more so when tired, and she took pity on him, choosing to ignore the way he’d phrased things. She knew what he’d meant by it. “I’ve known Sam since we were both in college. I was about—fifteen, I think.” She paused, thinking about it for a minute as she grabbed the creamer she’d found earlier and poured it in. “Yeah, fifteen, almost sixteen. Which means we’ve known one another about fifteen years now. Wow.”

“You were in college at fifteen?” Kevin asked with surprise.

Spencer nodded. She picked up her mug and turned around, leaning back against the counter. It wouldn’t hurt to take a moment to talk here with Kevin before going back out there. The way he was looking at her now, with surprise and a bit of awe, made her want to smile. The surprise, she was used to that when she mentioned how young she’d started school. The awe, not so much. But what she knew of Kevin from Sam told her that he was a bright, brilliant young man who had been well on his way to achieving things before the supernatural world had changed his life. “I graduated high school when I was twelve,” she told him, “and I started college a year later. I met Sam right after I’d gotten my first doctorate.”

“Your _first_?”

“Mm hm.” She could see the question that was coming and was familiar enough with it already that she answered before he could voice it. “I’ve got doctorates in Mathematics, Chemistry and Engineering. I’ve also got B.A.’s in psychology, sociology and philosophy.” A sheepish look crossed her face as his awed look grew. “I like to learn, I always have.”

Cereal forgotten, Kevin folded his arms on the table and turned his attention fully to her. “I have, too. I was planning on going to college, but…”

He trailed off and she nodded her head. “Yeah, I heard.” Carefully, not quite sure if it was her place, she said “You know, this doesn’t have to stop you. It’s my understanding a lot of colleges have online programs now. I mean, it might take you a while, splitting your time between that and this, but the option is still there.”

“I don’t exactly have a lot of free time.” Kevin said dryly. “I’m kind of running myself at both ends right now as it is.”

“I know the tablet isn’t something anyone but a prophet could read, but, is there any way that anyone can help? Anything I could do, maybe? I’ve got my own research, but the books only take me so long. I could spare a few hours here and there to help out in any way I can.”

If he was surprised that she knew about the tablet, he didn’t show it. He just sighed a little and slumped down, looking exhausted all over again. “There’s not really anything anyone can do. At least it’s easier than it was before. It’s still slow going, I mean, but it doesn’t hurt like it did. Gabriel did something to my head that makes it so much easier.” Pausing, he shrugged. “He says I’m too young, with not enough training, and that I shouldn’t be reading so much yet. That’s why it’s so difficult. I guess being a prophet isn’t ever easy, though. At least I don’t have migraine inducing visions like the last guy.”

Spencer grimaced as she remembered her own migraines. Lifting her mug, she held it up briefly towards Kevin. “Cheers for that. Migraines are not fun.”

“Oh, I know. I used to get them when I’d study for too long.”

“Me, too. Especially in college.” Chuckling, she flushed a little. “I, ah, used to have a tendency to forget about the rest of the world when I was studying. Finals week was bad. Little sleep, little food, and copious amounts of coffee did not make for a very healthy version of me.”

Kevin laughed lowly. “Been there, done that.”

“I got lucky once I met Sam. Our finals schedules were off by two weeks. His first, than mine. Stanford went a bit earlier than Caltech. So, I called him all through his finals week and made sure that he was doing okay and then he had a week to recover before he’d come stay with me for my finals and make sure that I took care of myself. Then we’d go back to his place for a little recovery time before I would go back home.”

“You stayed at his place?” Something in Kevin’s expression shifted and he watched Spencer carefully. “So, you knew Jess?”

Ahh. So Kevin knew their backstory. Spencer doubted that the boys had really talked about it, but it was likely that Kevin had read the books. The ‘Winchester gospels’. Why wouldn’t he? It made sense that he’d want to know about the guys he was working with. The guys who were responsible for his safety.

A small smile touched Spencer's lips as she nodded. “Yeah, I knew Jess.” There was still grief there, for the friend she’d lost. She’d been a sweet, beautiful girl, and Spencer had mourned her death.

Kevin must’ve been able to see on her face that this wasn’t a topic to pursue. With a smile, he quickly changed the subject. “So, what kind of trouble did you and Sam get into back then? Got any crazy stories about him?”

It took a second but Spencer pulled herself out of her funk. Her smile grew a bit devious as she thought back to those college days. Oh, the stories she could tell. Grin growing, she moved forward to join Kevin at the table. “Let me tell you about the time Sam met my roommate…”

* * *

Twenty minutes later, the two were still talking. Or, more accurately, _laughing_. The sound of it echoed around the kitchen and masked the footsteps that were coming their way. At first, neither noticed the group that had made their way to the kitchen in search of them. Kevin had his head thrown back and was laughing with an openness the others hadn’t ever seen there, looking far more relaxed than he ever had, while Spencer had one hand over her mouth to cover her laughter, though it didn’t hide the bright, twinkling eyes.

“You’re kidding me!” Kevin managed to get out between bouts of laughter.

Spencer shook her head, eyes dancing with mirth. That only set Kevin off once more.

It wasn’t until Dean cleared his throat that the two realized they weren’t alone anymore. They looked up to find Dean, Castiel, Sam and Gabriel standing there, watching them. The two stopped laughing, right up until their eyes landed on Sam. That just made them lose it all over again. Kevin first, his laughter coming out in snorts as he tried to smother it. Spencer had no shame. She grinned broadly at him and didn’t even try to hide her giggles. “Hey, Sam!”

The younger Winchester arched his eyebrows at her. “Do I even want to know what’s going on?”

“I was just telling Kevin about life in college, that’s all.” She said, trying for innocent and failing miserably.

“Oh, hell.” Sam groaned. “Spencer! No college stories when I’m not here to defend myself!” He turned to look at Kevin and pointed a finger at him. “Don’t believe a word she says.”

Breaking away from Sam, Gabriel slipped around the group and came forward to drop down in the chair beside Spencer. He put his elbow on the table and rested his head in his hand, grinning right at her. “Sam stories? Ooo, do tell, Princess. I want to hear these.”

Color warmed Spencer's cheeks at the way that Gabriel was grinning, those bright eyes of his focused right on her. Having his focus right on her flustered her in ways she hadn’t expected. She covered it, though, with one of her shy smiles, and tried to distract him before he could notice anything. “I could tell you about the time he got me kicked out of my favorite café…”

“Or not!” Sam interrupted quickly. He moved forward and covered her mouth with one large hand before she could protest, his other hand settling on her shoulder. When she tipped her head up to look at him, eyes crinkled at the corners with her smile, he grinned down at her. His hand tightened over her mouth just enough to be able to use it to shake her head a bit. “Keep in mind I know just as many stories about you, Spencer Reid, and I’m not the least bit afraid to share them.”

Spencer resisted the urge to swipe her tongue across his palm to make him let go or to try and nip at it. Instead, she just kept grinning, waiting until he moved his hand away before she stuck her tongue out at him. “Bully.”

A hand on her arm drew her attention over to Gabriel, who winked at her. “We’ll wait till Sasquatch here is busy.” He said in a stage whisper.

“Damn straight.” Dean called out from over by the coffee pot. “I wanna know these stories, too.”

Sam groaned loudly, drowning out his brother’s voice. “Hey!” He called, settling his free hand onto Spencer's other shoulder. “We didn’t come in here for some pick on Sam time.”

“Oh?” Spencer asked innocently, looking up at him again. “Why did you come in here, then?”

“For you.” Gabriel answered her. He squeezed lightly where he was still holding on her forearm. “I’ve got a better understanding of our witch and her magic now, so I’m hoping now that I know what I’m looking for I might be able to better find it. Sammy said you were okay with me taking another look?”

She tensed up almost immediately just out of reflex. Deliberately, she forced her muscles to relax, eased in that by the way that Sam squeezed her shoulders. She didn’t really think about how she was sitting with them, about the fact that both boys were touching her. Sam’s hands on her shoulders and Gabriel’s hand still on her arm. She didn’t think about how it looked to the others. Caught up in her thoughts, she missed the confused way that Dean looked at them, the knowing way that Castiel watched his brother, or how Kevin’s face went from surprised to understanding. She was too busy trying to make her body relax and her heart slow back down. Gabriel hadn’t hurt her the last time he’d been in her head. He’d done the opposite of hurt, actually. And Sam trusted him. That was the biggest part that she reminded herself of over and over. Sam trusted him. Sam _loved_ him. There was no way he would do anything to hurt her. Besides, if she wanted to learn about this spell, if she wanted any chance of fixing it, she needed to let Gabriel do this. If he had a feel for the witch’s magic, he was right, it might make it easier for him to sense it now and understand what he saw.

“Okay.” She said softly. Setting her cup down on the table, she looked at Gabriel and nodded. “Where do we do this?”

“Anywhere you can get comfortable.”

Gabriel’s hand cupped her elbow as she rose from her seat and Sam’s hands slid off her shoulders, one staying on her to slide down and settle at the small of her back. Held between the two of them, she let them lead her out of the kitchen, leaving behind three people who watched them go with varying expressions of amusement and worry.

The silence left behind was broken with a low sigh from Dean. “I got a bad feeling about this.” He grumbled before he set out after them. Neither Kevin nor Castiel were sure whether he was referring to the spell or to the trio themselves. At this moment, it could be either one.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, folks! Sorry, I got a little caught up in finishing LTLA and then taking a small break. But I'm back to work on this now so updates should pick back up :) I hope you like the direction this chap goes in. Be sure to let me know! Remember, reviews are golden :)

The bed underneath Spencer was soft and comfortable as she slowly came back to herself. They’d come to ‘her room’ so that she’d be comfortable while Gabriel took another look at the spell inside of her. It’d ended up with her laying out on her bed, Sam sitting near her head in silent support as Gabriel sat on her other side and leant forward, putting his fingers to her temples. That was the last thing she remembered before being swept away in the warmth and comfort of the archangel’s grace. Now she was slowly coming back to herself, eyes blinking open.

When she saw his face, a spike of worry flared through her. This was beginning to become a slight trend. Spencer stared up at Gabriel’s face and knew without a doubt that whatever he had to say wasn’t going to be pleasant. Before she could stop to think about it, she blurted out “You’re going to give me a complex if I keep opening my eyes to find you ready to give me bad news.”

Surprise flashed over Gabriel’s features followed almost immediately by humor. “I could give you something else, if you want…?”

The offer was left open ended. Spencer gave a small snort and rolled her eyes. He flirted like humans breathed, it seemed, and she reminded herself yet again to pay it no mind. She took hold of the hand he offered her and allowed him to pull her up so that she was at least sitting on the bed and not laying down anymore. It made her a little more comfortable. Especially since her room was fuller than it had been when this had started. It wasn’t just her, Sam and Gabriel anymore. Dean and Castiel were at the wall near the door and they were openly watching her and Gabriel. Uncomfortable with all the eyes on her, she took a moment to adjust her shirt and vest, which seemed to move around and get out of place a whole lot more than her clothes had before. It was just another of those things that Spencer hadn’t ever thought about. How on earth did a woman deal with all of these clothes? She hadn’t thought anything about lying down while wearing a bra; now that she was upright, all she wanted to do was reach in and adjust things. But even she knew that wasn’t appropriate with an audience.

Realizing that her thoughts were traveling, she yanked them back in place. Then she turned her gaze towards Gabriel. Time to find out what the newest bad news was. _Does it ever end_? “What’d you find out, Gabriel?”

“I know I said it before, but this was one powerful witch. An I mean, _powerful_.” Gabriel stressed that last word to make sure they understood. To hear an archangel saying that something was _that_ powerful wasn’t all that reassuring.

Sam reached out to touch her arm in a gesture she knew was meant for comfort. Still, she couldn’t stop how she twitched away. She didn’t want hands on her right now. She didn’t want to be touched or soothed or any of that. What she wanted was for Gabriel to quit stepping around the issue and explain the newest snag to them. Luckily, Sam knew her well, and he didn’t look offended by her flinch. He just let his hand drop back down and said nothing at all about it, for which she was so very grateful. Her eyes stayed on Gabriel as she silently waited for him to finish.

The archangel hid his emotions well. Nothing showed on his face. The only clue that this was going to be bad was the slight sorrow she saw in his eyes. “The spell does more than just turn your body female.” Golden eyes softened a little. “Best as I can tell, in a week, maybe two, no one’s going to remember you were ever anything _but_ female.”

“What?” Dean and Sam both said at the same time.

Spencer felt like her insides had frozen. Like she’d gone a bit numb with shock. “She was that powerful? Powerful enough to cast a spell that could alter not only a physical body, but a person’s entire reality?”

“Probably not normally. But…”

“She died.” Spencer filled in tonelessly. “It was her death that added the extra punch, wasn’t it? All of her power poured in at once. There’s power in the sacrifice of a life.” Her death had apparently sealed Spencer's fate. If it hadn’t been for that, the spell wouldn’t have had anywhere near this kind of power. Would Gabriel have been able to stop it then? If the witch hadn’t died, would this spell have been able to be reversed? The thought left her feeling vaguely sick and she swore to herself that her teammates would never know that little detail. The last thing she wanted to do was make them feel guilty over this; and if they knew, they would.

Then again, maybe not. Because apparently in a week or so, they weren’t going to know that she’d ever been a _he_. “What about my team?” She asked suddenly, looking up to Gabriel again. “Or you guys? You all know about the spell. You brought me here to help fix it and my team knows that’s why I’m here. Will all of you forget as well?”

“We’ll remember.” Gabriel reassured her gently. “That witch was powerful, but not powerful enough to alter the thoughts of an archangel, and I can extend that protection to the rest of us here. If you wanted, I could go lay some protections on your team as well. Just to be sure.”

“Not that we’re gonna need em.” Dean butt in. He cast a glare at Gabriel briefly before turning back to Spencer. “We’ll find something to fix this. You’ve barely been here a day. There’s gotta be something in those books we haven’t found yet.”

There was hope in his words and it was echoed on Sam’s face. They both either sincerely believed that they would find something to fix this, or they really wanted her to think they did. It was a toss-up as to which one it was. Spencer wanted to believe them. Really, she did. And maybe she would’ve—if she hadn’t seen the very brief look exchanged between Castiel and Gabriel. Their expressions were almost impossible to read. Angels apparently had amazingly stoic expressions when they wanted. But she was beginning to see that something in their eyes gave them away. And what she saw pass between the two had her stomach dropping.

Gabriel must’ve sensed her looking or something because he broke his stare with Castiel to look back at her. In that moment, the two locked eyes, and Spencer knew.

Years of control enabled her to rise from the bed without shaking or stumbling. She kept herself steady and in control. Gabriel lightly brushed his fingers against her wrist as she stood beside him. “Spencer.” That was all he said, all he needed to say. Plenty of things were packed into that one word and she nodded at him to let him know she’d heard it all. “It’s okay, Gabriel.”

The two were ignoring the rest of the room for the moment. Gabriel was looking so apologetic, it almost broke her. “I can hold it off a bit.” He said softly. “I can’t fix it, because that much grace in you with that spell, it’d be dangerous. We already talked about that. But I can give you a little each day, just barely any, and it should be enough to confuse it and delay things. It’d give you another week, round about.”

Two to three weeks, then. Two to three weeks to try to figure things outs. Two to three weeks to get used to being female. Spencer drew in a slightly shaky breath and nodded. A silent, _Thanks._

Then, to the surprise of the rest of the room, she said “I’m going to leave you guys to talk about this. If you’ll excuse me, I think I’ll take a walk.”

“That might not be the best idea.” Dean said slowly at the same time that Sam offered “I’ll come with you.”

Spencer shook her head. “No, thank you. I’ll be fine on my own.”

“Spencer…”

“No, Samuel.”

Her tone and the use of his full name was enough to let Sam know that she was serious. This wasn’t one of those moments that she was going to give in to him. Without saying another word, she silently left the room, knowing that he wouldn’t follow her. She ignored the raised voices she could hear behind her, trusting that Sam or Gabriel would take care of it, and she made her way quietly towards the front of the bunker.  Just a short walk, that was all she needed. Just a brief moment alone. Then she could get her thoughts back in order and get some important things figured out. She just, needed a minute. A private moment where there was no one around to watch her freak out a little.

* * *

The minute that Spencer left the room, Dean turned to glare at the rest of them. “What the hell was that?” He demanded furiously. “We’ve got a ton of enemies on our ass out there and you all just wanna let her go wandering around on her own?”

“She ‘wandered around’ on her own plenty of times before we came along.” Gabriel pointed out.

For his part, Sam ignored them, opting instead to lean back in his spot on the bed and try not to think about the devastated looked he’d seen in Spencer's big brown eyes. He’d missed something there at the end. Some sort of look had passed between her and Gabriel. Some part of their conversation there that had been only between them. No…he looked past his bangs to where Castiel was still silently standing against the wall. Whatever it was, Castiel knew it too. Sam’s mind ran over it all and it didn’t take him very long to come to the same conclusions that Spencer had. When it hit him, his head shot up, eyes going right to his mate who was already watching him. The small nod that Gabriel gave had Sam slumping down.

Their silent interaction wasn’t missed by his brother. Dean might’ve missed the silent communication Spencer had shared before because he didn’t know her, but he knew his brother and they’d communicated without words plenty enough times for him to recognize Sam doing it with someone else. “What? What is it?”

“Gabriel doesn’t believe there’s a solution to this.” Sam answered without ever looking away from his partner.

“That’s spell’s strong. Really strong.” Gabriel told them. “Spencer was right when she said there’s power in the sacrifice of a life. The witch knew she was dying and threw her everything into that spell.”

“So, you’re saying she’s screwed?” Dean asked.

For a second, Gabriel hesitated, barely even noticeable. Then he shrugged with a casualness Sam knew he didn’t really feel. “I’m not saying ‘don’t look’. You Winchesters have a way of managing the impossible. I’m just saying, chances are a bit slim and we’re working on a time crunch here. We don’t find a solution before the spell completes, we lose all chances of changing her back.”

A contemplative look crossed the older Winchester’s face. “Can’t you just change her back once the spell is done and over with?”

“Sure.” Gabriel agreed easily. “Once the spell completes, there’d be nothing in the way of me changing her back. But there’d be no point. Once it’s done, everyone she knows is going to believe she’s female, so making her male again…”

“Would only screw things up. Shit.”

“As Gabriel said, this does not mean we have to stop looking.” Castiel interjected. It was the first time he’d spoken up since they’d come in here. “We should return to looking for now while Spencer takes the time to gather herself.”

It wasn’t any real surprise that Dean took the excuse to leave the room. Something in the way that Castiel looked at Gabriel before following suggested that that had been Castiel’s intention. Most likely he’d been trying to break up what could’ve been a potential argument. Sometimes Dean and Gabriel got on pretty well, and other times they still acted like they’d like nothing more than to torture one another. Violently. It could get rather exhausting for those around them. Often, Castiel and Sam were in the middle, trying to find ways to separate the two or diffuse an argument.

Taking Dean out prevented any argument from forming and it also allowed Sam a second to watch his mate. What he saw had him sitting up just a little more. Without an audience, the trickster relaxed in a way he wouldn’t do around anyone else except Sam. “I’m sorry, Samsquatch.”

“It’s okay. I know you’d help if you could, Gabe.”

Sighing, the archangel dropped down onto the bed, not caring in the least that it wasn’t _their_ bed. He let his head fall into Sam’s lap. “That witch had to have the blessing of a God or Goddess at some time in her life. It’s the only way I can see she got that powerful.”

“Would it help at all to figure out which one?”

“Not anymore. Maybe, if she didn’t have such trigger happy teammates…”

“Hey.” Sam’s hand came up to stroke through Gabriel’s hair, silencing a rant that he knew could grow to epic proportions if it wasn’t checked. “They thought they were helping her. They didn’t know anything about the supernatural.”

A huge sigh slid from the archangel. “I _know_. Ugh. I just,”

“You like her.” Sam finished, smiling down at him.

“Of course I do.” He said it like Sam was stupid for even questioning it. Like it was already a foregone conclusion. Despite the fact that they’d never met before, that they barely even knew one another, he liked her. For some reason Sam smiled even more at that, which in turn made Gabriel both grin and roll his eyes. “You forget sometimes, Sammy boy,” reaching up with one hand, he tapped a finger against Sam’s forehead. “I’ve been all up inside that noggin of yours. I’ve seen your memories of her. I may not have the personal connection with her, so to speak, but I saw all about her in there. I know how much you love her. So of course I care about her. Idiot.”

That had Sam’s whole body going still. His hand froze in Gabriel’s hair as he tried to scramble, tried to think of something to say or something to do here.

He didn’t have to. Gabriel pushed up against his hand to both get his attention and in a shameless plea for him to continue playing with his hair. “Relax, handsome. Did you forget? I’ve spent a long time with the pagans. You think a little polyamory is gonna throw me off?” Turning his head, he shifted just enough to press a kiss against Sam’s knee. His voice softened ever so slightly. “Just because you love both of us doesn’t mean you love either one any less.”

“I’m with you, Gabriel. The rest, doesn’t matter.” He pointedly ignored the pang he felt at saying that.

He was surprised when Gabriel snorted at him. “Of course it matters. All love matters—and you love her.”

That wasn’t something that he’d deny. But actually saying it out loud—while lying in _her_ bed with Gabriel half in his lap!—he couldn’t do that.

Even though he wasn’t looking, he swore he could _feel_ Gabriel rolling his eyes. “Idiot.” A second later, the weight on his lap shifted and Sam suddenly found himself with a lapful of clingy archangel. Short legs wrapped around his waist and Gabriel’s hands slid up to grip in his hair. It forced his head up and made sure that he and Gabriel were eye to eye. There was no looking away. “I love you, Sam Winchester.” The way Gabriel said it, like he was simply saying the sky was blue, or the earth round, like it was just a fact of the universe, never failed to make Sam’s heart warm. “I love you, and any fool can see that Spencer loves you too. And you love the both of us.”

“Gabriel…”

“Sh.” He kissed Sam quickly, cutting him off. “Not done yet, gorgeous. I’m making a point here. I love you, Spencer loves you, you love us, I _like_ her, and I’m pretty positive she already likes me at least a little. Give me one good reason why we shouldn’t at least try and see if she’s interested?”

“It wouldn’t work, Gabriel.”

“Why not?”

“Why…” Did he seriously have to ask? There were so many reasons why it wouldn’t work! “Because people don’t date multiple people!” Shouldn’t he, a freaking _archangel_ , be the one pushing for monogamy here?

Instead, Gabriel was just shrugging it off like it was nothing! “Humans and angels don’t date, either, if you want to think like that. We do the impossible all the time.”

“That doesn’t mean that she’d be interested in something like that.”

“Won’t know until we ask.” Gabriel shot back.

“No matter how this spell turns out, she’s going to go back to work. It’s just who she is. It’s part of why we’ve never dated—neither one of us wants a long-distance relationship where we never know when we’ll get to see each other.”

Humor lit up Gabriel’s face. “Sammich, you’ve got a full-fledged archangel in your lap right now who has the capability to fly to anywhere in the blink of an eye. Do you really think distance is any sort of deterrent?” Softening once more, he slipped his hands out of Sam’s hair and slid them down to cup his cheeks. Then he drew him in to a sweet kiss. When they broke apart, he pressed their foreheads together. “I’m not trying to force you into anything, Sammy. If you really, really don’t want to try this, I won’t push it. But don’t hold back because of what you think others will think, or worry over hurting me, or any of that. What other people think doesn’t matter—what matters are you and me, and her. You want this, I can feel you do, and I’m very willing to try. If she’s willing too, why not?”

How on earth was it that Gabriel could take something that sounded so insane and somehow make it sound so damn logical? There wasn’t a word there that he’d said that wasn’t true.

There was also no way that Sam was going to be able to turn down the chance at getting everything that he’d wanted and never thought he’d be able to have. “She won’t believe us.” HE said slowly, knowing that even as he said it, he was giving in. “It took long enough for me to convince her that I wasn’t sleeping with her just because it was convenient. She couldn’t believe I found her attractive. She’ll think we’re screwing with her if we come right out and ask her on a date. And we’ll have to convince her that it doesn’t matter to us whether she’s male or female.”

Gabriel’s grin was wide and bright. “Already ahead of you, kiddo. What say you we go back to your room and I tell you what I’ve got planned, hm? Don’t wanna be here talking about it when she gets back.”

“This is going to be interesting.” Sam said, smiling even as he shook his head.

The sound of Gabriel’s laughter still echoed in the room even after they vanished.


	7. Chapter 7

No one mentioned any of the previous conversation by the time Spencer returned to the bunker. There was no talk about the potential ramifications of what they’d learned about the spell.  Everyone there knew about it, they all knew the risks that were with this now, but they didn’t mention it. Spencer didn’t even mention it that night in her call to check in with her friends. They didn’t need to know that this spell was strong enough to change her past and their memories of her. If, in the end, they couldn’t change her back, couldn’t undo the spell, then it was better that her team simply changed with it and believed she’d always been female. Spencer was practical enough to recognize the benefits of that.

She did, however, throw herself into research for the next few days. Each morning, after a cup of coffee, Gabriel would take a moment to put a bit of grace in her—the first time Sam said it like that, Dean and Gabriel both had spent the next two hours snickering over his wording—to help confuse the spell and give her more time, and then she’d turn herself to the books. Slowly but surely she was making her way through their library. The days sort of slid together and before she knew it a week had already passed by. A week, and she had nothing to show for it. Not even the hint of a clue to help them

It wasn’t any real surprise that all the stress ended up coming out in nightmares. She’d dealt with nightmares her whole life and even more so since joining the Bureau. They weren’t anything strange. When, on her seventh day there, one woke her up way too early, she did what she would usually do at home and she slipped on the house shoes beside her bed, grabbed yesterday’s sweater off the nearby chair, and made her way down towards the kitchen. Since it was just shy of five, she didn’t figure that she’d really run into anyone. That was why she hadn’t bothered changing out of the boxer style plaid pajama shorts she’d worn to bed, or the simple black tank top.

She regretted that when she entered the kitchen and found Castiel and Gabriel sitting together at the table. Gabriel had a bowl of ice cream in front of him, a giant bowl that would’ve made a kid cry with joy, while Castiel was drinking a cup of coffee. Both looked up at her entrance.

Well, hell. Spencer drew the thick sweater a little closer over herself, conscious of the fact that she didn’t have a bra on and that her shorts showed more of her legs than she’d ever showed anyone who wasn’t her doctor or her lover. Her mind, still partially asleep and partially caught in the last dregs of her nightmare, pointed out—rather unhelpfully, thank you very much—that at least she’d broken down in the shower yesterday and taken the time to shave her legs. A rather new experience for her, really, but at least it meant she wasn’t standing here with hairy legs or anything.

She shook her head at the idiotic thought and hoped that the archangel in the room was more scrupulous than Sam had mentioned and wasn’t actually reading her barely awake thoughts.

Spencer gathered herself and gave the two a small smile as she made herself continue into the kitchen instead of retreating. “Good morning.”

“Good morning, Spencer.” Castiel greeted.

Gabriel, however, had cocked his head and watched her as she made her way over to the full coffeepot. “You’re up awfully early.”

“It happens sometimes.” She didn’t elaborate on it and, thankfully, they didn’t ask. She cast a look over her shoulder and smiled at them before grabbing the creamer from the fridge. “I’m used to odd hours anyways. Part of the job. What about you two?” After pouring a bit of the creamer in her cup, she stuck it back in the fridge and then gathered her mug up in her hands, enjoying the warmth of it. “I didn’t really expect to find anyone in here. As you can probably see.” She flushed a little and tugged her sweater until it covered her a bit more.

“No complaints over here.” Gabriel said with a smirk.

Spencer ignored the flirtation, something that seemed to just come naturally to Gabriel. She did, however, accept the seat he offered her when he scooted over one and gestured to the seat beside him. She slipped down next to him on the little circular seats that were attached to the table and had to resist sighing happily as she warmed up a little. The kitchen was cold and Gabriel seemed to radiate warmth even better than Sam did.

“Gabriel and I were just talking.” Castiel explained to her in answer to her question. “I often find I have trouble sleeping since I became human. He keeps me company when that happens.”

That made sense. Having been an angel for so long, learning to do human things had to be difficult. Sleep probably felt so strange to him. And if there was anyone that had fuel for nightmares, she would think Castiel would. Especially considering the things she knew he’d gone through just in the time that he’d known the Winchesters. Sam’s stories made that clear. Chewing on her lip, Spencer debated for a moment before deciding to just go with it. “Have you thought about taking some sort of sleep aid? Not permanently, of course. But maybe something natural to help ease your body down into sleep?” At the curious looks she got, she flushed a little and shrugged her shoulder uncomfortably. “I just thought that maybe since sleep is so new to you, and probably rather strange, maybe some sort of sleep aid could help you, and your body, to learn how to slip down into the natural rhythms of sleep. There are plenty of natural, herbal remedies out there that might be of assistance.”

“In our lifestyle, I do not think taking something that would keep me asleep would be very…safe.” Castiel said slowly.

He wasn’t outright dismissing her idea. Spencer noted that and sat forward a little, a bit less shy about speaking her mind now that she knew it wasn’t going to be dismissed outright. “That’s entirely understandable. A regular sleeping pill would do that, but that’s not what you need. You need something that could ease you down into sleep and leave the rest up to your body. I’ve found that a combination of creating a nightly routine plus certain herbal teas can be very beneficial to easing your body towards sleep. I have a canister of Sleepy Time tea that an herbalist back home makes for me. If you’d like, I can contact her and find out what’s in it.”

The smile that Castiel gave her was small, but it was warm and honest. “Thank you, Spencer. That sounds wonderful.”

“I could take you to pick up your own if you want.” Gabriel offered. “I’d imagine there’s stuff at your place you might want. If you need to, I can fly you over there so you can grab a thing or two.”

The idea of flying to her apartment to be able to grab a few things had Spencer perking up. While she didn’t plan on staying here at the bunker forever there was no denying that she’d love to have some of her own things.  “That’d be great, thank you.”

He grinned and leaned just enough to bump their shoulders together gently enough to not spill her coffee. “No problem, Princess.” Then, without giving her time to protest the nickname, he suddenly looked up. “Oh. Looks like that might have to go on hold for a bit. Sammy’s up.” He explained, noting their curious expressions. “Deano just came in and let him know they’ve got a case.”

Immediately Castiel was sitting up straighter. “A case?”

“That’s right. “Dean’s voice said from the kitchen doorway. “Sheriff Mills gave us a call last night—old friend of ours. Apparently she’s got a bunch of people missing in a Podunk town outside of Sioux Falls, an now a witness that says they saw someone lift up an SUV to nab a girl last night.”

The three at the table all gave almost identical looks of surprise. “Damn.” Gabriel breathed out, giving out a low whistle.

“Yeah. So, ah, Sammy and I are gonna go check things out. You three hold down the fort here, keep an eye on our zombie prophet and the douche downstairs?” Dean asked.

“Of course, Dean.” Castiel said.

Spencer had to hide behind her coffee mug so that no one would see the smile she wore at the way that Castiel looked up at Dean. He was like some eager little puppy, ready to do anything that Dean said, looking up at him with bright, earnest eyes. Beside her, Gabriel snorted, not bothering to hide his own grin.

There was the sound of movement behind Dean and then Sam came into view. “Actually,” he said, slipping around his brother just enough to lean against the door frame. “I was thinking Spencer might come with us. She’s pretty good backup on a hunt a change of scenery might do some good.” He smiled across the room at her, warm and lazy, and it shouldn’t have warmed her quite as much as it did.

“I ah, I’m supposed to be here researching.” She stammered just a little at the start there and cursed herself for it. Getting all flustered by an ex-lover wasn’t exactly the best thing to do when you were sitting next to said ex-lover’s current partner.

“So bring a stack of books with you.” Sam countered easily. “Trapping yourself in here won’t help, Spence. It won’t make you find anything any faster. You’ve been cramming worse than you did back on finals week. Just, snag a row of books and bring them with. At the very least the fresh air will do you some good.”

“Don’t I get a say in this?” Dean chimed in.

Sam flashed his brother a grin and clapped a hand on his shoulder. “Nope.” Tossing a look to Spencer, he said “Get your stuff and meet at the car in ten.” And then he was gone.

Spencer just stayed in her seat for a moment and stared at the door where Sam had just left. “I forgot how highhanded he can get when he believes he’s being ‘helpful’.”

Huffing out a sound that could’ve been a laugh, the older Winchester shook his head. “Yeah, well, he’s stubborn about it too, so I suggest you get yourself ready cause he aint above tossing you in the car as is.” With that warning, Dean was gone as well, and Spencer quickly pushed herself up off the seat. Dean wasn’t wrong. Sam would have no qualms just picking her up and putting her in the car in her pajamas if she wasn’t ready to go. If he thought she needed to get out of here for her own health, he’d employ whatever means necessary, and she wasn’t all that eager to go outside like this. With quick footsteps she made her way back to her room to get ready to go.

* * *

The car ride was pretty easy for Spencer, who was used to traveling for work and was also equally used to entertaining herself during those trips. Usually she was wrapped up in case files and trying to profile what she could from the information she had. This time it was the books that she wrapped up in. She’d taken Sam at his word and had snagged a whole row of books to bring with her. In retaliation for this, she’d made Sam carry them out to the car for her. They filled the floor of the backseat, forcing her to sit sideways.

They went to a motel first to drop Spencer off and to give the boys a chance to change into their ‘FBI suits’. It was there they came across their first snag. Spencer hadn’t thought anything at all about room arrangements until Dean came out of the office and handed her a key that showed one number difference from the one he gave to Sam.

She hadn’t even stopped to think that she wouldn’t be sharing a room with them. That was good, of course it was. She just, she hadn’t thought about it, and she hadn’t come prepared for it. She didn’t have any personal weapons on her or anything with which to ward the room. No salt, nothing. She’d just sort of assumed that going with them meant _staying_ with them.

A look at Sam’s face showed that he might’ve been thinking the same thing, too. He shot a quick glare at Dean, who was already heading to their room—which, luckily enough, was next door to hers—and then turned back to her. “C’mon.” He said, gathering up her bag and some of the books. “You can come hang out in our room until later. I’ll make sure to ward it before we go to bed tonight.”

“I can hang out over there and stay out of the way, Sam.” She pointed out.

The look he gave her said just how stupid he found that idea. “The whole point of dragging you out of the bunker was to bring you out, not give you somewhere else you could hole up with those books. Plus, how are you gonna help us on the case if you’re not even in the room to talk to?”

Arguing with him wasn’t going to do any good. Not that he was stopping to listen to her anyways, the little shit. Spencer watched him walk away and made a mental note to take some time later to bring that man down off the pedestal he’d apparently climbed up on. Friends though they may be, and good ones at that, it didn’t mean that he was free to order her around. He knew how she felt about things like that. On the job was one thing. In their personal life was something else entirely. The only reason he’d gotten away with it so far was that she knew he was doing it in an attempt to take care of her, most likely modeled after the way his brother took care of him, and she could appreciate the thought behind that.

Dean gave her a slightly odd look when she made her way into their room. Still, he didn’t protest it when she shut the door behind her. He just went back to warding the room against pretty much everything under the sun. Sam was off in the bathroom, Spencer's bag and extra books already set on the dresser near an ugly yellow chair. The whole room was rather ugly. The _plaid_ walls didn’t exactly help things out. Spencer shook her head before heading over to set herself up in the chair. She toed her shoes off, leaving them at the edge of the chair, and curled her legs up as she sat down. It allowed her to lay a book on her lap and read easily even as she watched the brothers. It was kind of hard not to watch them. Sam came out of the bathroom in his FBI suit and, while that made her smile a little, she also couldn’t help but admire the way he looked in his suit. He’d always looked good in her opinion. Still, he’d really filled out the last few years. Ever since his time as ‘soulless’.

Thinking about that made her shiver. She quickly pushed those thoughts back and focused back on the present.

Sam cast a look her way as he pulled out the ID he needed from his bag and slipped it inside his jacket. “You’ll be okay here while we head out?”

She fought back the urge to roll her eyes. “I’ll be _fine_ , Sam. I am an adult, you know. I’ve been capable of taking care of and entertaining myself for quite a while now.”

“I know, I know. I just, I get to worry, all right? It’s a friend’s prerogative.”

“You do realize that you’re the one that insisted I come?” Spencer couldn’t help pointing out. “If you’re worrying, it’s your own fault. I could still be safely back at the bunker with my books instead of curled up in this ugly monstrosity of a motel room.”

The last part of what she said had him looking around at their Scottish themed motel room. Even the _bedding_ was plaid. What was it with America and its need for clichéd themes? His lips curved up into a grin when he turned back to her. “I’ve been in worse.”

“That’s not as reassuring as you think it is, Samuel.”

Any other comments were forestalled by Dean coming out of the bathroom in his suit. Spencer bit her bottom lip and shook her head just a little bit. What was it with these brothers? Was the whole family just built handsome? It was enough to give a person a complex.

For all Sam’s worrying just moments ago, the boys left the room pretty quickly once they were ready. Sam only paused long enough to make sure that she had a gun nearby at the very least before he kissed the crown of her head and followed his brother out of the room. Spencer shook her head after they were gone and turned her focus back to the books she’d brought. So far she hadn’t really come across anything that might help and it was getting harder and harder to really find the motivation to keep on reading. Especially considering that she knew how dismal her chances were of being able to fix this. It was hard to keep researching with that knowledge sitting like a weight in her gut. Knowing that there was every chance that she was wasting her time. It just, it made it hard.

It didn’t stop her, though. She read through book after book, completely losing track of time until someone started to unlock the door, the sound of it drawing her back to reality. She looked up, wondering which brother it was, and watched as the door opened. The person who came in wasn’t anyone that she was expecting, nor was it someone that she knew.

The gun that Sam had left her with was in her hand in an instant. Just as quickly, the woman that was coming in drew a weapon as well. “Woah there!” The woman cried out, aiming her weapon straight at Spencer. “Put the weapon down.”

Spencer didn’t waver. She kept her hands and her voice as steady as possible. “I don’t think so. You’re the one entering _my_ room without knocking and without identifying yourself in any way, and with a key that you should not have.”

“I’m Sheriff Jody Mills and I was given a key to this room by the men staying here.” The woman told her. “Neither of whom said anything whatsoever about anyone being here. And considering what they do, I’m not trusting some random woman sitting in their motel room. Now, I won’t repeat myself again. Lower your weapon.”

Oh, hell. Spencer recognized the name from listening to the boys talk on the way here. This was the friend that had called them out here for the case. Lowering her gun, though not letting go completely yet, Spencer sighed. “I’m going to shoot one of them when they get back for not thinking to warn either one of us.” She said conversationally. The smile she offered Jody was softer now and just slightly shy, with a hint of embarrassment at the edges. “I apologize for asking, but do you have some form of identification on you, Sheriff Mills? If you know these boys and their work, you know that I can’t be too careful here.”

The ID that Jody tossed her way landed on the counter beside her and Spencer took a moment to look it over, though she still kept a careful watch on Jody. Only when she was sure the two matched up did she relax a little more. Enough, at least, to pick up the cell phone off the counter. She dialed the familiar number and put it on speakerphone while she waited for Sam to answer. Jody stepped a little further into the room and shut the door behind her to give them some privacy. Spencer just watched the phone in her hand. As soon as she heard the “ _Agent Jones_ ” she snorted at him. “I’m so sorry to bother you, _Agent Jones_.” She said in a voice dripping with sarcasm and false sweetness. “But by any chance did you or your _partner_ send a certain Sheriff back to your motel room? I wasn’t sure, seeing as how no one called to _warn me_ or anything like that.”

“ _Shit._ ” Sam breathed out. Then, “ _I’m so sorry, Spencer. Dean sent her there and apparently he didn’t think to warn her and I didn’t think to call and warn you. Are you guys okay?_ ”

Spencer cast a look up at Jody, who was relaxing now that she’d heard Sam’s voice confirm things for her. She holstered her weapon and some of the tension drained out of Spencer's shoulders. She flicked the safety back on to her own weapon and slid it down between the cushion and the arm of the chair. “We’re fine.” She finally answered Sam. “But next time you’re planning on sending someone over here, do you think you could maybe at least send me a text to let me know? Not everyone is going to be as understanding as the Sheriff was at being met with a gun.”

Whatever Sam had to say about that was cut off as Spencer hung up on him. She smiled over at Jody, who was smiling right back at her. “My apologies.” Spencer said. She set the phone down and then folded her hands down in her lap. “I’m sort of a, last minute addition to this trip, so they’re a little out of sorts it would seem. I hope I didn’t startle you too much.”

Jody chuckled. “Heck, with these boys, that was pretty tame.”

That had Spencer chuckling back at her. Making a snap decision, she sat up a little and stretched a hand out the Sheriff’s direction. “I’m Spencer. It’s nice to meet you; the boys told me plenty enough about you on the way here.”

“Uh oh, that sounds dangerous.” She joked. Still, she moved forward and shook Spencer's hand. When they let go, she took a step back enough to pull out one of the chairs at the small table nearby. “So, how do you know our boys?”

“Bit of a long story.” Spencer hedged. There was quite a bit here she wasn’t willing to say. She could give her something, though. “I’ve known Sam since college, actually. We’ve been friends for quite a while. He’s helping me out right now with a bit of a problem and in return, I’m helping him out some. Like with this case.”

“Yeah, this sure seems like a fun one.”

“Why don’t you walk me through what you know, Sheriff Mills?”

“So long as you call me Jody.” The woman said, smiling. Then, getting comfortable in her seat, she told Spencer everything they had.


	8. Chapter 8

This case was proving far more interesting than Spencer had expected it to. And she didn’t mean that in reference to the facts of the case. No, at the moment what she found extremely interesting, and highly amusing, was the story the boys told her when they got back from visiting a church during the course of their investigation. Spencer had been in the motel room with Jody—a woman who she found herself liking immensely so far, and whom she was grateful hadn’t pressed the issue with her about who she was or why she was there—when Sam and Dean had come back from their church meeting.

All she’d asked them was “How’d it go?” She hadn’t expected this answer.

Staring up at them from her chair, Spencer opened and closed her mouth twice before she managed to find her voice again. “Excuse me, you’re _what_?” She couldn’t have heard them right. No way.

“Born again virgins.” Sam repeated.

A laugh almost erupted from Spencer and she had to quickly slap a hand over her mouth to hold it in. It was hard, though. Especially when Dean grinned so damn cheekily and shrugged at her before saying “Blank slate, they said. We prayed for forgiveness from our sins, signed the purity pledge, and we are pure again.”

The image of these two actually praying for their sins, asking forgiveness for any sexual act that happened before marriage, was just too much. The giggles were bubbling up now and Spencer was having a hard time holding them back. “Did Gabriel take your confession?” She asked Sam, her voice squeaking slightly on the last word.

Sam turned a low grade bitchface her way and another giggle slipped free. “We needed a way to be able to talk with these people.” Sam said firmly, trying to sound all business. “This was the way to do it.”

Dean seemed almost as amused by the whole thing as Spencer was. “Does it count as a sin if you’re sleeping with an archangel?” He asked, smirking.

Jody’s face lit up with surprise. “Excuse me, what?”

No one heard the archangel’s arrival, but they all heard his answer. “It is if you’re doing it right. And trust me, we do it right.” They all looked over just in time to see the lewd eyebrow wiggle that went with it and that was just too much for Spencer. She couldn’t handle it. The laughter bubbled out of her despite her best efforts and she finally just gave into it and let herself go. She was pretty lucky Gabriel was right there because his hand caught her shoulder and kept her from toppling forward as she laughed. She missed his warm smile as she let herself slump against him, as well as the fond look that Sam gave her. Leaning against a being she’d come to call friend this past week, she just let herself laugh and laugh.

“What set her off?” Gabriel asked, arching an eyebrow at the others.

“They…they joined an abstinence group…” Spencer gasped out between laughs. “They’re b-born again…v-v-virgins!”

Her laughter grew when Gabriel looked stunned for one moment and then proceeded to pout. “Sammy! How dare you make such a commitment without me!”

The idea of Gabriel there at the church with Sam, making a pledge right alongside him, only set Spencer off even more. She had to fight to get herself back under control again. When she finally smothered her laugh down to just little giggles, she found that the whole room was staring at her. Sam was standing nearby, smiling slightly and shaking his head. Dean looked amused while Jody looked both amused and a bit confused. Gabriel, well, he’d just perched on the arm of her chair and was sitting there smirking, one arm around her shoulders to keep her up so that she wouldn’t fall over.

“You done?” Sam asked dryly. He still looked amused, though.

Spencer smothered down another giggle and nodded. “Sorry.” She said, not sounding sorry in the least.

A soft snap sounded beside her and a handkerchief appeared in her hand. Spencer tilted her head enough to smile up at Gabriel, who just smiled back down at her, and then she used the piece of cloth to wipe her face from where she’d laughed so hard she’d cried a little. Usually she wouldn’t use a handkerchief at all; they were dirty and gross. She trusted that Gabriel had snapped her up a clean one, though.

As she pocketed the little piece of material, Jody finally decided that she’d had enough. She gestured towards Gabriel with one hand while looking over at the brothers. “Who is this guy? And how’d he just appear here?”

The two boys exchanged a look and then Sam looked to Gabriel, most likely communicating silently with him. They must’ve come to some agreement because Sam turned his attention back to Jody and smiled. “Jody, I’d like you to meet the archangel Gabriel.”

“Sam’s boyfriend and all-around pain in my ass.” Dean threw out.

Gabriel didn’t bother moving from his spot beside Spencer. He just lifted a hand and waved cheerfully at her. “Nice to meet you, Sheriff Mills.”

The poor woman was gaping openly as she looked at him. Then, much to Spencer's amusement, she turned back to the boys and once more pointed at Gabriel. “Him? You’re telling me _he’s_ an archangel?”

“Hard to believe, I know.” Dean agreed. He smirked over at Gabriel and gave him a look that was meant purely to annoy. “Don’t let the height fool you, though. He’s just as much a dick as the rest of his brothers.”

“Dean.” Sam said warningly.

Spencer lightly brushed her fingers over Gabriel’s leg, which was right next to her. It kept him quiet long enough for her to speak up. “Can we save any arguments for later? I believe you boys were preparing to go to your abstinence meeting, weren’t you?”

“Spencer's right.” Sam jumped on her words quickly. Anything to forestall what could end up being a rather epic argument between Dean and Gabriel. “We’ve got a meeting to get to if we want to find out any information. Are you sticking around, Gabe, or did you just pop in for something?”

“Can’t a guy just visit his favorite Hunters?” Gabriel asked innocently.

As everyone started to discuss what they were going to do, and as the boys started to get themselves ready for their church meeting—it was rather amusing to see just how many weapons the two were bringing into a church, something that Gabriel took great joy in pointing out to them could be considered rather blasphemous—Spencer straightened up in her chair and tried to discreetly stretch out a few tense muscles. She’d been sitting for a while now and her body needed a little bit of movement. She needed to get up and move around some. The rumbling in her stomach gave her a pretty good idea of what she could do.

She put one hand on the chair to push up and was startled when a hand appeared in front of her. Gabriel hadn’t moved, his one arm still around the back of the chair, but his other hand was held out now. Spencer gave him a small smile and accepted the help, placing her hand in his and bracing to pull herself up out of the rather comfortable chair. She very deliberately did _not_ think about how nicely her hand seemed to fit in his, how warm his was, or the little tingle she swore ran across her skin. She pushed it away the same as she’d pushed away every other thing she’d felt around this man or Sam lately. That was a dangerous road she was not going to let herself go down. _Sam’s taken_ , she reminded herself for what felt like the millionth time. _And this man—archangel—is his partner. Back off._

The reminder only helped a little.

She’d slipped her shoes back on and was gathering up her phone from the counter beside her when the others finally noticed what she was doing. “Where you off to?” Dean asked her curiously.

“I’ve been sitting here for quite a while and my muscles are getting stiff. I want to move a little, stretch out, and I thought I could go get something to eat while I’m at it.” It wasn’t until she mentioned food that she realized just how long it’d been since she’d had anything. She hadn’t really stopped to have anything since her coffee this morning.

One look at Sam’s face told her that he’d probably just realized that too. Unfortunately, that protective streak that he’d been on lately hadn’t gone away at all. “We can bring something back from our meeting if you’d like.”

“No, thank you. I’d really like to go myself. It’ll do me good to move around and get some fresh air. Besides, there’s a library down the road as well and I’d like to take a look and see what they have there, for either of our things.” She stuffed her phone down into her pocket and turned towards the others.

“Right now probably isn’t the best time to go out alone.” Sam pointed out to her. “It might be best if you just stayed here for now, Spencer. Maybe order in or something”

Enough was enough. Protective was one thing, but Spencer was starting to get a little frustrated with this. Sam had never been this pushy before and she wasn’t going to stand for it now just because she was in a female body instead of a male one. “I said no, Sam.” Spencer said warningly. She saw him open his mouth to speak and held up a hand to silence him. “You’re starting to get a little highhanded. I understand that you’re only trying to take care of me and I do appreciate that. However, just because I look a little different than I used to,” that was an understatement, but she wasn’t going to share their private business in front of the Sheriff, “doesn’t mean that you get to treat me differently. You’ve always trusted that I could handle myself before. Trust that I can handle myself now.”

Gabriel, who had been surprisingly quiet up until now, stepped forward then and held something out to Spencer. She looked over at what he held out and lifted her eyebrows curiously at him. Was he handing her…a purse? It was brown leather, with a really long strap, and the purse itself was a little rounded on the bottom and was held closed with a small flap and a zipper from which dangled a leather tassel. Really, it kind of looked like a feminine version of a messenger bag, just slightly smaller. Spencer looked it over and then looked back up at Gabriel, who was grinning. “I know, I know. But it’ll hold your wallet, your phone, and the back pocket has your gun. Plus, your, ahem, _updated_ credentials are in there, too.”

_Oh_! Now that, Spencer could definitely appreciate. She smiled brightly at the archangel. “Thank you!”

He grinned as he held the bag up by the strap and slipped it over her head. It settled crossways, the strap on her left shoulder and the bag settling onto her right hip. She pulled both her phone and wallet from her pocket and added them to the bag next. It really wasn’t a big difference from the usual messenger bag she wore.

Settled now with a bag, _updated_ credentials, and her gun, she felt much more relaxed and secure. She smiled a thank you to Gabriel and then paused by Sam only long enough to give him a quick, reassuring hug and a murmured “I’ll be fine, Sam. Quit worrying.” And then she was out the door.

* * *

A few hours later Spencer was done with the library, and with her meal, and was heading back to the motel room. She made it back without any incident, just like she’d known she would, and she’d even text off and on with Sam just to make sure he knew that she was safe. Being independent was one thing; worrying him unnecessarily was another thing entirely. She wasn’t cruel. She could text if that’s all it took to make him relax. When she got back to the motel room, Jody and Sam were both there, and they’d found out something that helped explain why Spencer hadn’t been at risk at all. The people that this being was going after—and they were positive now that it _wasn’t_ a dragon—wasn’t going after virgins. It was going after those that had broken a vow of chastity.

“So see? I wasn’t at risk at all.” Spencer pointed out as she set down a tall coffee in front of Sam. She’d grabbed couple coffees from the diner down the road while she’d been out. Turning to Jody, she handed a cup to her as well. “I wasn’t sure what you drank, Sheriff, so I just got you a regular coffee. I figured the room kit here has cream and sugar if you want some.”

“Thanks, Spencer.” The woman smiled kindly at her and pointed a finger her direction. “And I told you, call me Jody.”

Spencer flashed her a smile. “Sorry, it’s habit.” She was used to working with law enforcement and it always went over well when you gave someone their title. It set them at ease in some ways and in others it made them more confident, more comfortable around you. Knowing that you respected their authority in _their_ town made them more likely to trust you and accept your help. It was just one of the many things that Spencer had picked up over the years at the BAU and which had become habit now.

Settling herself down onto the end of one bed, Spencer curled her legs up underneath her and drank off her own coffee. She watched as Sam paced over towards the bathroom. He definitely wasn’t happy. Curious, she looked to Jody, who sighed a little and mouthed ‘Dean’. Ah, yes, that made sense. Sam was the worrying type, as already evidenced by his worry about her leaving the room, and having Dean out of his sight right now was probably driving him crazy.

That’s why it wasn’t all that surprising when Sam came back out of the bathroom and started pulling on his coat. “What’s up?” Jody asked curiously.

“This thing is taking people that break their vows, right?” Sam asked.

“Yeah.”

Sam held his phone up towards them. “Dean and Suzy – been over an hour.”

That got Jody moving. “Right.”

Spencer rose as well and, though she could see Sam wasn’t fond of it, he was smart enough not to protest. Without another word the three set out from the room.

* * *

Gabriel was with his brother when Sam’s prayer came through. Within seconds, he was spreading his wings and taking off, flying faster than anyone or anything else out there until he landed in the Winchester’s motel room. One look around told him how well the night had gone. Dean was dirty, slightly beat up, and looked annoyed as hell. Sam was dirty and bruised and the look of his eyes clearly said _concussion_. Spencer was holding her waist carefully as she lowered herself down one the bed closest to the door and she, too, was clearly dirty and bruised. “Wow.” Gabriel said, letting out a low whistle. “Looks like you guys had a great night.”

“Peachy.” Dean snapped. “Freakin’ gods, man.”

That had Gabriel’s eyebrows shooting up. He looked to Sam an strolled casually over to his partner. A brush of his fingers against the side of Sam’s face and a little push of grace and he healed his injuries. There wasn’t just the concussion. Ribs, back, knee, plenty of bruises. He’d really done a number on himself tonight.

Sam gave him a grateful look. “Thanks. It wasn’t a dragon like we thought it might be. Turned out it was Vesta.”

“Vesta?” Now that was a name he hadn’t heard in a while. “Talk about grumpy. She tried to throw me off a mountain once.” After he’d explained to her how getting laid once in a while might help her loosen up a bit. To be fair, he and Thor had been drinking just a little too much at the time. Asgardian mead wasn’t exactly for the faint of heart. The two had gotten into a lot of trouble that night. Gabriel’s lips twitched a little at the memory. Ah, good times.

Snorting, Dean moved towards the bathroom. “Why am I not surprised?”

Gabriel chose to ignore him and turned his focus towards the girl sitting carefully on the bed. He wanted to stroll up and just heal her the same way he had with Sam. That wasn’t possible, though. They hadn’t built up that kind of trust yet. She was so skittish sometimes, especially when it came to someone using powers on her, and from what he knew she really had just cause for that. The daily doses of grace that he kept giving her to stave off this spell seemed to be helping, though. She seemed to be relaxing more and more around him, which only spelled out good things for his and Sammy’s plan.

Letting his lips curve up in a smirk, despite the bit of worry he felt, Gabriel held his fingers up and waggled them at Spencer. “You’re looking a bit chewed at the edges there, Princess. Want a bit of healing to go with your daily dose of grace?”

It pleased him that she only hesitated for a second before giving him that little shy half smile and nodding. “I’d appreciate it, thank you.”

His fingers settled over her temples and he sent a wash of grace through her, achieving both goals at the same time. As he felt her injuries, he let out another low whistle. “Damn, kiddo. Did someone use you as a piñata?” It felt like she had more broken or bruised ribs than not.

The look on Spencer's face as he let go of her held a bit more self-deprecation than he liked seeing there. What was it with him and caring about people that somehow were stupid enough not to see their own worth? He was starting to see that Spencer tended to be even worse than Sammy about that, and Gabriel had always thought there was no one who seemed to think less of themselves than Sam.

“This body’s a little different than what I’m used to.” Spencer explained. “I seem to have retained my muscle memory, but not quite the same muscle mass. I’ll need to work on that.” She sat up slowly, testing spots that had been sore and sighing a little when she found them better. When she looked up at him again with those big brown eyes, there was thanks clearly written there. Gabriel enjoyed those eyes. He and Sam both agreed on it. They were like big pools of melted chocolate, and chocolate had always been one of Gabriel’s favorites.

“It’s a new body, Spencer.” Sam said, smiling at her. “You’re just not quite adjusted to it yet.”

The bathroom door opened as Sam was talking and Dean came strolling back out. At the last part of Sam’s sentence, the older Winchester scowled at him. “An that’s exactly why you shouldn’t have brought her along.”

Almost instantly the look on Sam’s face transformed into a bitchface that clearly said ‘I am so fed up with your shit’. “It wouldn’t have been necessary if _someone_ had been able to keep it in his pants.”

“Oh, lay off it, Sammy.” Dean said, scowling.

Listening to the two bicker was nothing new for Gabriel. He dropped down onto the bed by Spencer, also within touching reach of Sam, mostly because he wanted to be by them both but also because it amused him to watch Dean scowl even more. This was _his_ bed they were sitting on. Anything that irritated Deano was always a plus in Gabriel’s books. He would’ve pressed more, maybe leaned back on his hands and thrown out his own comments to support Sam, who was currently snapping at Dean about picking up chicks at an _abstinence group_ —Gabriel was very deliberately _not_ impressed by that, no sir, not at all—when he felt Spencer flinch slightly beside him.

That flinch was enough to pull his attention off the budding fight and over to her. He watched discreetly as she sort of drew in on herself and leaned away from the brothers. He doubted she even realized she was doing it.

Dean’s voice grew louder as he argued back at Sam and Gabriel watched Spencer flinch once more. When Sam shouted right back at his brother, she flinched again and moved a little further away. He watched, while pretending not to, as the young woman discreetly and rather stealthily rose to her feet. He had to give her a lot of props for how quietly she moved. According to stories from Sam, and some things he’d seen this past week, Spencer was sweet but she wasn’t the most graceful of beings. Yet now she moved almost perfectly silently over to the door. Neither brother noticed as she cracked it open just enough to slip out of.

Gabriel didn’t hesitate to rise to his feet and follow after her. He stepped out of the room, carefully shutting the door behind him, and looked around to see where she’d gone. It took just a second for him to find her down at the dark end of the sidewalk, tucked mostly out of view. If he hadn’t been developing a sense for her like he had with the boys, he never would’ve seen her there.

She didn’t say anything when he sat down beside her. Despite what Dean might say, Gabriel knew how to be quiet when it was needed, and this seemed like one of those times. So, silent, he settled himself in beside her. That didn’t stop him from snapping up a sucker for himself though. He snapped up two, just in case, and offered one to her. She usually accepted offers of candy. This time wasn’t any different. A tiny smile ghosted over her lips before she reached out and took hold of the strawberry cheesecake one. Strawberry seemed to be one of her favorite flavors. Gabriel logged that way in his head in the same place he stored facts like how Sammy preferred blueberry ones, or how they took their coffee, or countless other little things that might not seem important but were.

For a few long minutes there was no real sound except for the occasional spit-wet sound of their suckers. Then the sound of shouting came from behind them—oh, man, that was Sammy, and boy was he _pissed_ —and Spencer gave an almost whole body flinch. Immediately, her shoulders tensed and she hunched in on herself. Whereas before she’d just been staring ahead aimlessly, now she was very deliberate in _not_ looking at him.

He hadn’t really expected her to break the silence. All he’d planned when he came out here was to sit at her side and offer what little comfort he could. So when she spoke, it surprised him.

“My parents used to fight a lot.” She said softly, eyes still fixed ahead of them, away from Gabriel. “Mom, she was starting to slide on her medications and I hadn’t learned all the ways to trick her into taking them yet, and it made her sort of volatile. And Dad…” A shiver ran down Spencer's body. She curled in, wrapping her arms around her knees in a gesture that made her seem small and childlike. Gabriel had to fight the urge to lift her up and pull her into his lap. She blinked her eyes a few times and looked up towards the darkening clouds. “Dad was breaking away from us, even then. Their marriage wasn’t a good one. They loved each other, but it wasn’t enough. Not with all their problems. They’d get into these fights. Great big screaming matches. I’d curl up in the hall closet underneath the coats and I’d hide in there until Dad left. It always ended with him leaving. Then I’d crawl my way out and go find Mom, get her calm, try and get her meds in her, and spend the next few days trying to talk her down from the ledge their fight had put her on. Eventually, Dad would come back, and the whole cycle would start all over again.”

There was a big part of Gabriel that wanted nothing more in that moment than to go back in time and bring some divine intervention to the couple who’d been too furious to realize they’d terrified their child. He wanted to go to that small closet he could see clear as day in Spencer's memories and curl up there with her—him, back then—underneath those coats, amongst the shoes and an old scarf just as forgotten as that child. He wanted to take Spencer into his arms and shelter the child inside his wings and whisper that everything was going to be okay.

Spencer made a low sound that was probably supposed to be a laugh. Mostly, it came out pained. She brought a hand up to wipe at her face and Gabriel pretended for her sake that he didn’t see the tears she wiped away. “I guess there are some things that just don’t leave us. It’s been a long time and I’ve gotten a lot better at handling confrontation but I still can’t stand raised voices. Freaks me out every time. Stupid, I know…”

He couldn’t help himself. Reaching out, he brushed a bit of her hair behind her ear, letting his knuckles brush against her cheek. “It’s not stupid, kiddo.” When she leaned just a little into his touch, he was a bit more daring, let himself offer something that so far he’d only seen Sam really get away with. He slipped his arm around her back. Amazingly, she leaned into him, let him pull her down until his head was tucked against her shoulder and her cheek was pressed against the top of his head. It was the best cuddle he could offer with their height difference. “It’s not stupid at all.”

They stayed together like that until the fighting inside died away.


	9. Chapter 9

The drive home was surprisingly easy going. Spencer had been sure there’d be some kind of tension after the fight the brothers had had in the motel room. But when they’d all loaded up to leave, the two had been perfectly fine with one another in a way that made no sense to her. She chalked it up to them being siblings. Maybe it was normal for siblings to fight like that and just be fine about it afterwards. She had no idea. Did all siblings fight that way?

When they got back to the Bunker, Gabriel and Sam vanished for a bit. _That_ wasn’t surprising at all. Spencer had fully expected it. She shook her head, firmly ignoring the pang inside, and just carried the stack of books she had back into the library. Castiel was sitting at the tables when she came in and he rose almost the instant he saw her and the stack of books in her arms. Spencer shook her head before he could take a step. “It’s okay, Castiel, I’ve got it. I’m fine.”

“I already tried to help her.” Dean said, coming up behind her and dropping his bag down onto the table. He looked at her and rolled his eyes. “She’s stubborn.”

“And you aren’t?” Spencer shot back.

The man didn’t even bother denying it. He flashed her a grin that had her flushing ever so slightly and turning away from him. It really wasn’t fair that these Winchester men were so attractive. It was even more unfair that they both knew it. A grin like that shouldn’t be allowed. She wasn’t attracted to Dean as a person, he really wasn’t her type in a lot of ways, but she could admire a great grin—or a nicely filled out pair of jeans.

Spencer slid the last of the books onto the shelf and then looked down to the one below it. There were more books to read, there were always more books to read it seemed, but so far none of them had showed her anything that might help. Oh, they were full of fascinating things, and she loved all the new knowledge that she was gaining. But none of it was anything that was useful to her right now. Nothing was giving her any sort of hope. It just brought home more and more the knowledge that there was nothing she could do here. _You know that. You saw that on Gabriel’s face that day he looked deeper at the spell. There’s no fixing this. You’re going to be stuck like this for the rest of your life._ Spencer crossed her arms over her chest at the reminder.

“Spencer?” Castiel’s voice came from right beside her, a low rumble that carried a wealth of emotion to it. Sadness, regret, worry, all held together by this underlying strength. Though he didn’t touch her, he did stand close enough at her side to offer her comfort and support. He didn’t ask her what was wrong; it wasn’t hard to figure it out. He just stood there and offered her what support and hope he could. “We’ll find something. Do not give up hope.”

It hadn’t escaped her notice just how much all of these people were helping her even though they were all caught up in their own problems. Spencer hadn’t forgotten everything Sam had told her when Gabriel returned. She hadn’t forgotten about the angels falling, or Metatron, or Castiel losing his grace, or that this group was trying to find a way to open the gates of Heaven once more, or that they were still fighting against Abaddon. They had so much on their own plates and yet they were still doing everything they could to help her. They were giving up precious time they should’ve been working on other, far more important things, just to help her out with this.

Spencer closed her eyes and drew in a careful breath. She was being selfish. Truly, she was. What was one little gender change in the grand scheme of things? The spell would make sure that no one around her would remember she’d once been male, so there was no worry about trying to start a new life as a woman. It would just be like she’d always been one. And it really wasn’t that bad being a female. Could she really justify wasting their time trying to fix something that she was almost positive couldn’t be fixed anyways? Especially when it was so obvious that their time would be better spent working on things that were _actually_ important. In the face of the problems of the entire world, what did hers really matter?

There was no way that Sam would just let it go, though. She knew that without a doubt. He wasn’t going to just let things go and he wasn’t going to just stand by and let her let things go.

Pressing her hand against one of the books, Spencer took just a moment more to gather her composure and her thoughts and lock everything down. When she turned to look at Castiel there was a small smile curving her lips and no sign of her inner turmoil showing on her face. “Of course. Thank you, Castiel.” Reaching out, she lightly patted at his arm, the gesture awkward yet sincere. “If you don’t mind, I think I’m going to go take my bag to my room. I’m rather tired.”

Neither man protested, though Spencer could feel the way they watched her as she left. She didn’t let herself think on it. She just kept her chin up and her spine straight as she made her way down to her room. Once in there, though, she found she didn’t really want to stay. The four walls felt too confining, too much like the prison she already felt like she was trapped inside of. Before she could think too much about it, she scooped up her cell phone and hurried back out of her room. In no time she found herself in the bunker’s garage. She hadn’t wanted to go out the front door and risk running into anyone. So instead she came here and quietly slipped out the door.

Once she was outside there was less risk of running into anyone. She picked her way across the ground and up until she found the spot that Sam had showed her where the brothers liked to do their outside sparring sometimes. There was a little stone bench there where he said they set their bags and water. Folding herself down onto it, she tucked one leg up underneath and curled into her sweater a little more. The night was colder than she’d thought about before coming out here. But, looking up at the stars, she found she could breathe a little easier.

She didn’t really stop to think about what time of night it was as she dialed a familiar number on her cell phone. She knew that the person on the other end would answer no matter what the time was.

Sure enough, within four rings Derek’s tired voice came on the line. “ _Morgan._ ”

“Hey, Morgan.”

She could practically hear it as Derek perked up. “ _Reid_!” His voice changed quickly from happiness to worry. “ _Is everything all right? Are you okay?_ ”

Spencer felt her lips curve a little. “I’m okay.” Almost immediately she shook her head. “No, no I’m not, not really.”

“ _Well that was clear, kid_.” She heard a bit of shuffling and could picture Derek sitting up in his bed and getting a bit more comfortable. “ _Talk to me, Reid. What’s going on in that big head of yours?_ ”

“Have you…Have you ever known something, something really difficult, and no one else wants to believe it but you know it’s the truth?”

“ _Yeah. Yeah, I have._ ”

Running a hand over her face, Spencer drew in a breath that was just a little shakier than she liked. “I don’t know what to do here, Morgan. I don’t know the answers and I don’t like that feeling.”

“ _Reid—Spencer—talk to me, kid. What’s going on?_ ”

“There’s no stopping this spell.” The words were just a whisper as they came past her lips. It was the first time she’d really admitted it out loud and actually fully acknowledged it. Staring up at the stars, she let out a shaky breath. “There’s no way to stop it. They can delay it, give us time to look, but there’s no answer out there. Something like this—it’s too strong. There’s no way to stop it. Not without risking killing me in the process.”

She heard a low, pained sound from her friend. “ _Reid…_ ”

“I don’t like it any more than you or anyone else, Morgan, but it’s the truth. There’s no way to stop this. But they won’t stop looking even though they know there’s nothing they can do. And while they’re wasting time trying to find an answer that isn’t there, other things—more important things—are being pushed to the side. They’ve got problems far more serious than mine that they should be focusing on. Problems that concern the world, not just one individual. I can’t let them keep ignoring that. I can’t be selfish, Morgan.”

“ _You’re not selfish, Reid. You’re fighting to keep your life._ ”

“I’d still keep my life, even with this spell. You…” She let out a shaky breath. “The spell is two parts. It doesn’t just change my body—it changes my past. If we stop delaying it and let it go, no one will remember I was ever anything other than a woman. I’d be able to come in and pick my life back up right where I left off. This whole thing would just be some random vacation that I took.” A single tear slid down her cheek and she didn’t bother trying to wipe it away. “I can’t live on false hope here, Morgan. I just can’t. I can’t keep trying to pretend like there’s going to be some mysterious answer in the next book I open. I can’t hope again and again only to have it dashed each time. That, that hurts more than anything else.”

There was a reason that Spencer had chosen to call Derek instead of anyone else. Emotional though Derek could be, he was also practical, and he was always good at being a steady anchor when Spencer felt adrift in emotions that he usually didn’t allow himself to fee. Usually, Derek was the more emotional in their friendship, with Spencer the more logical, but he had this amazing ability to become like this steady rock when Spencer got caught up in his emotions, giving the young genius balance. He’d push aside his own emotions and focus on helping Spencer. That was what he did now. He pushed down what he had to be feeling about all this and he provided Spencer with the steadiness that he needed to regain his footing here. “ _This is your life, Spencer_.” He said, his seriousness showing in the fact that he used Spencer's first name and not his last like he usually did. “ _This is your life and your body. No one can tell you what to do with it no matter who they are. If you really believe that there’s no cure for this and you really, honestly want to stop searching, don’t let anyone else change your mind. You have the right to make the decisions for yourself. No one else can do that for you_.”

“I don’t want to disappoint them.” Spencer whispered. “I don’t want them to be angry with me for, for giving up.”

“ _They’ll get over it. You can’t base your choices in life on the reactions of other people, Spencer. Especially not big ones like this. You have to make the choice that’s best for_ you _no matter what anyone else thinks of it. If they really care about you, they’ll come around. And for what it’s worth, I hate that you have to do this, but I trust that you know what’s best for yourself, and I want you to know that I’ve got your back. Even if it sounds like I’m not going to remember there was ever a problem, I want you to know that right here, right now, you’ve got at least one person who is on your side._ ” She heard Derek give a low chuckle. _“They’re just parts, right? You taught me that a long time ago. A body is just a body. It’s what’s inside that counts—and what’s inside you has always been the very best. Just remember that and you’ll be fine._ ”

The tears that she’d been trying to hold back were spilling down her cheeks now unencumbered. “Thank you.”

“ _Anytime, kid. Anytime._ ”

Spencer held those words inside of her even after she’d hung up the phone. She sat there, ignoring the chill in the air, replaying Derek’s words over and over while she watched as first hint of light built on the horizon.

It was the start of a new day. Spencer watched the light grow and felt her resolve firm inside. She knew what she needed to do. The only thing that she _could_ do. It was the only solution that felt right.

As she made the decision, she felt the knot she’d been carrying around inside herself loosen just the slightest. This wasn’t going to be easy, not for her friends inside or even for her, but it was what she had to do. It was what was best.

_A body is just a body. It’s what’s inside that counts—and what’s inside you has always been the very best._

Spencer smiled as Derek’s words replayed in her mind once more. Holding them inside herself, she rose from the bench. Then she turned her back on the sunrise and slowly made her way back to the bunker. It was time for the day to begin.

* * *

The sun was well up in the sky by the time everyone started to make their way out of their bedrooms. After watching the sunrise, Spencer hadn’t bothered trying to go back to bed. Instead, she’d gone and showered and dressed herself in comfortable clothes—just a pair of purple plaid fleece pajama pants and a dark purple short sleeved shirt to go with it, plus a pair of the comfortable house shoes she’d found in the closet—and then she’d made her way back out to the library. This time when she selected books she chose ones for pleasure off the bottom shelf that looked like it was dedicated to personal books, and she took them with her to the TV room. It felt absurdly good to kick off her shoes and tuck herself down into the corner of the couch.

She was still curled up there when Gabriel came in. Looking up at him, she couldn’t help the smile that twitched across her lips. He was as put together as he ever was, even wearing regular jeans and a t-shirt and not pajamas like her, but the look on his face clearly said he’d much rather be back in bed right now. Did archangels even _sleep_? She had no idea how that worked. But she knew the look on his face—it was just the same as the face Sam would make when he wanted to stay in bed and put off facing the day.

He lit up a little at the sight of her, though, and Spencer very much ignored the way that made her stomach jump a little. “Hey there, kiddo.”

“Good morning, Gabriel.” she called back. Sam came in a few steps behind him and she turned her smile to him as well. “Good morning, Sam.”

Unlike his partner, Sam was very much still dressed for the bedroom, only in a pair of sweats and a t-shirt. He was also carrying a large cup of coffee in his hands. Without hesitation, he came over and dropped down onto the couch beside her, just shy of actually sitting on her feet. At her glare, he only grinned. “Morning, Spencer.”

Gabriel, just as lacking in personal space as his partner, chose to sit on the armrest right by Spencer's shoulder instead of on the other side of Sam.

“You’re up awfully early.” Sam commented, nudging her bare foot with his arm. There was a hint of concern in his eyes, though, that told her it wasn’t just an idle question. He knew how she slept and this was his polite way of making sure she was okay.

Her smiled softened and warmed into something open and real that so few people got to see from her. “I’m okay.” It was true, too. She was more okay than she’d been lately. Something of it must’ve shown on her face because Sam smiled at her and she could see him relaxing a little.

Never one to be left out of conversation, Gabriel dropped a hand onto her still damp hair and carded his fingers through it as he said “Getting in some pleasure reading, then?”

The urge to arch up into his hand and give a happy little sigh was almost more than she could resist. Just barely did she hold it down. But she’d always enjoyed having her hair played with; Sam indulged it frequently for her. While she could be uncomfortable with quite a few random touches depending on her mood, having her hair played with was almost always okay. Sometimes she’d sat there for hours with Sam, watching movies or talking, and he’d just card his fingers through Spencer's hair. The knowing smile he was giving her at the moment said that he was thinking of the same things that she was. Before she could get her head together enough to try and answer Gabriel’s question, Sam reached out and snatched the book from her, turning it so that he could view the front while keeping his finger in the pages to hold her place. “The Hobbit.” His eyebrows lifted and he looked a little interested. “It’s been a while since I picked this up.”

“I love Tolkien’s work.” Shrugging, Spencer smiled a little. “It’d been a while since I’d read them and I already finished the others I picked up, so I was just starting this one.”

“I can see that. You’re only,” Sam paused, looking to where his finger was, “ten pages in. You _really_ just started it.”

Something came to mind and Spencer grinned a little. “Early enough that it would be no trouble to start over.”

He turned his head towards her and stared at her for a second before shaking his head. “Subtle, Spencer.” Sam said dryly. Still, he didn’t hand the book back. He must’ve seen something on Gabriel’s face—the archangel was being unusually quiet, but he was also continuing to play with Spencer's hair and so she chose not to say anything about his silence—because he looked behind her and explained “Spencer's hinting that we should start over so I can read to her. She likes being read to.”

Gabriel let out a warm laugh that Spencer couldn’t help but smile at even as she was blushing and protesting “It’s not just that!”

Sam smiled indulgently at her. “No, it’s not.” He agreed easily. His eyes were warm when they moved back up to Gabriel. “It’s just that I can’t keep up with how fast she reads. So if we both wanted to read the same book, we would take turns reading it out loud. It was the only way to guarantee we’d finish at the same time. Otherwise, she’d finish in a half a day what could take me weeks to read.”

“Well I’m with our girl here.” Gabriel chimed in. “You know I love listening to you, Sambo. Read to us!”

There was no way he could resist the both of them. In no time at all he had his feet kicked up on the coffee table, his cup balanced in one hand on his knee while his other hand held the book. Spencer's feet had ended up in his lap, just scooped up and dropped there by Sam, and she was turned a little more to face him because of it, putting her back to Gabriel. The archangel didn’t seem to mind perching there on the armrest. He’d turned himself as well to face Sam, putting his feet up on the couch so that Spencer was essentially leaning back between his knees. That had made her flush at first, which had been about the time Sam had plucked her feet up and dropped them in his lap. Then Gabriel’s hands had gone back to her hair and Sam had started reading and, really, what was the point of protesting this when it didn’t seem to bother either man? Besides, she was comfortable here and Gabriel’s hands felt wonderful. Soon, Spencer had her eyes closed and she let herself get lost in the flow of Sam’s voice as he read the familiar words of one of her favorite books to her.

They were still there when Dean and Castiel made their way into the room some time later.

* * *

Spencer heard someone come in but didn’t really focus all that much on it. Her head had slumped to the side a little to rest against Gabriel’s knee and she was on the borderline of falling asleep, only held back by sheer will and her enjoyment of the story and, surprisingly, the situation. She wasn’t stopping to question why it was she was starting to find herself as comfortable around Gabriel as she was around Sam. She just knew that she felt, good, around them. Safe.

Unfortunately, the sound of Dean’s amused and slightly confused voice broke the spell over the room. “Um…what the hell are you guys doing?”

“It’s called reading, Deano.” Gabriel answered, sarcasm almost dripping off his words. “You should try it sometimes. They make these nifty things called _books_ and they’re full of strange and amazing _words_ that all combine together to tell a story.”

“Dean is fully capable of reading.” Castiel defended him immediately, at almost the same time that Dean snorted and said “Looks more like a girl’s sleepover to me, complete with pajamas and hair braiding. What, they didn’t manage to get to yours yet, Sammy?”

Embarrassment colored Spencer's cheeks and she immediately pushed to sit herself up. Head ducked down, she missed the way that both Gabriel and Sam glared at Dean. “Did you need something?” Sam demanded. “Or did you just come in here to be a dick?”

Dean didn’t look the least bit deterred. He dropped down into a chair and grinned at them. “Just thought I’d see what you crazy kids were up to. I was sure I’d find you buried in your research, not playing story time. If I’d known we were having a party I would’ve made sure I was in my pajamas, too.”

“Here, let me help you with that.” Gabriel said.

There was a snap and then Spencer was fighting not to laugh out loud as Dean was suddenly clothed in a pink spaghetti strap top with a giant heart on the chest and pink fuzzy pajama pants covered in tons of hearts.

Dean took one look at himself and let out a snarl. _“Gabriel!_ ” At the same time, Sam sighed and rolled his eyes. He looked over at his partner and shook his head. “Gabe…”

Another snap returned Dean to the clothes he’d been wearing. Behind him, Spencer could see Castiel’s lips twitching with a ghost of a smile. She’d noticed he often was far more amused by Gabriel than he let on to others. She’d caught his tiny little smiles and amused eyes every now and again.

However, whereas Castiel was amused, Dean just looked pissed off and Spencer could see him gearing up to what was probably going to be one impressive temper tantrum. That was the last thing she wanted to sit through right then. With that in mind, she drew her feet off of Sam and turned herself enough to drop them down to the ground. “I’m going to leave you boys to your argument while I go and get dressed. Don’t have too much fun.”

“I’ll come with you.” Gabriel said, rising along with her. Her mind immediately went dirty and she felt her cheeks fill with a blush. She wasn’t the only one thinking that way, judging by the looks that Dean and Castiel were giving him. Gabriel grinned broadly. Holding up a hand, he waggled his fingers at her. “I meant I could come give you your daily dose of grace. But, I have a feeling your idea would be a whole lot more fun if that blush is anything to go by.”

She heard Sam’s snicker behind her and didn’t hesitate to kick her heel back against his leg. His grunt of pain was rather satisfying.

Unfortunately, now the room was quiet, Gabriel looking almost expectantly at her like he was waiting for her to say something or to start heading out of the room, and the others were watching now too. The more that Spencer was quiet, the more everyone seemed to stare. But this was the moment of truth here. The moment that Spencer had been waiting for since she’d gotten off the phone with Derek. Here was where she would finally let them in on the decision she’d made. She’d just…she’d hoped to have a little more time. A bit of the day in which to relax and just enjoy some time with her new friends and old. Time to let the tension fade out of her frame. She’d made her decision and it wasn’t one she was going to go back on. But she’d wanted some time before she would have to fight with everyone for her right to make that decision. This wasn’t going to go over well.

There was no more time, though. She wasn’t going to get to put this off.

She clutched close the words that Derek had given her earlier and used them now to strengthen herself. She met Gabriel’s eyes and saw the building understanding that lit up those golden depths. He knew what was coming. The way that he was looking at her let her know that she was going to have one ally in this, at least. Drawing in a breath, Spencer made herself say the words she wasn’t going to be able to take back. “That won’t be necessary. I’ve decided not to fight the spell anymore.”


	10. Chapter 10

It was no surprise that it was Sam who spoke up first. His loud “ _What_?” echoed around them. Spencer had to fight not to wince as she turned to look down at one of her oldest and dearest friends. “I’ve decided not to fight the spell anymore.” She repeated softly, hating how her words made him look like he’d been slapped. “I’m sorry, Sam.”

“You’re just…giving up?” The way he said that was like he couldn’t quite believe the words coming out of his own mouth. Hazel eyes locked on her and she saw the worry and confusion both in them.

She caught her hands together in front of her and twisted her fingers together. It was the only outward sign of her nerves, though. The rest of her stayed calm. “I’m making the logical choice in a rather strange situation.”

Sam watched her as he set the book down on the couch and slowly rose. His eyes stayed on her the entire time, something she couldn’t quite read sitting in the back of them. “Are you? Or are you doing what you think is best for everyone else?”

“Excuse me?”

“I know you, Spencer. Are you doing this because you this is what you really want, or are you doing it because you consider yourself some kind of burden, or because you think we should be focusing on something you consider more ‘important’, or some other ridiculous reason like that?”

The words struck far closer to home than she wanted to admit. Spencer found herself turning away, pacing a few steps in the opposite direction. Behind her back she didn’t see Dean try to speak, or the hand that Gabriel held out to them, the way the archangel shook his head to warn them to keep quiet. He knew that this was a conversation that Sam and Spencer needed to have. With a flick of his eyes, he gestured them out, and it only took a second before the two headed out of the room. By the time Spencer turned back around, Dean and Castiel were just leaving. She noted it, but didn’t let it stop her. With a shaky breath, she met Sam’s eyes. “Whatever my reasons, I’ve made my choice.”

“Don’t do this. Don’t give up just because you think you’re not as important as everything else.” Sam pleaded.

“Like I said, I’ve made my choice.”

“You’ve made the wrong one!”

Temper snapped through Spencer, much more comfortable than the regret and fear she’d been feeling. It had her hands clenching tightly against each other. “This is my decision to make, Sam. Not yours.” She ignored Gabriel for the moment, who was standing strangely silent on the sidelines, and focused on her best friend. She needed to make him understand. Of all people, she needed Sam to at least understand. “When my time here is up and I walk out the door, I’m the one that’s going to be living like this, not you Sam. You’ll continue on your way with your brother and your angels and maybe, _maybe_ , we’ll see each other again in another six months, or a year, or however long we’re kept apart. And when we do, we’ll come together, maybe I’ll even come here for a few days and visit and chat, and then I’ll go home to my apartment again without you or anyone else there, and I’ll go back to my life where I’ll somehow learn to cope with everything being so damn different. But you won’t be there, so don’t you dare think you get the right to make any sort of decision here about what’s going to happen.”

Her temper wasn’t the only one in the room now. Sam’s snapped into his eyes and through his body as he took a step towards her. She had to remind herself to stand her ground; Sam wouldn’t hurt her. He’d never hurt her. No matter how bad his temper got, he had never once hurt her, not even when her body was male and it would’ve been considered ‘acceptable’ or even normal for a guy to throw a punch against another guy. Sam hadn’t hurt her then and he wasn’t going to start now.

“You really think I’m going to just walk away and leave you to figure this out on your own?” He took another step toward her and she deliberately didn’t step away from him. “You think I’m going to just, what? Pat you on the head and send you on your merry way? You know me better than that, Spencer! The rest of your friends may forget who you used to be, but I won’t. I’ll remember and I’ll know how hard this is for you. You think I’d really just abandon you to it?”

All at once the temper drained out of her. She slumped down a little, eyes drifting shut briefly. When she opened them again, she had no idea how much sadder they looked. “Honestly, I’d prefer it if you forgot, too. I’d prefer if everyone did.” Though she knew he wouldn’t like this, she shrugged her shoulders again and looked away from him. “It’d be better that way. It would make it…easier.”

She was stunned completely when a large hand grabbed her shoulder and spun her around. She found herself face to face with Sam, his furious eyes staring down at her. “Don’t you dare, Spencer Reid. Don’t you dare say that. I wouldn’t change one single memory I have with you, do you hear me? Not a single one.”

What happened next was nothing at all like Spencer expected. Sam’s hand slid up her shoulder and to the back of her neck. Cradling her skull with that massive hand of his, he used his grip to yank her up and slam their lips together in a kiss that was full of heat and fear and a passion she’d never found with anyone else.

For one spilt second Spencer reacted as she always did to Sam and she pressed up into him. Then, reality crashed back in. She gasped into their kiss before yanking herself backwards so hard she almost fell over. “No!” Her eyes were wide as she stared at Sam and, just beyond his shoulder, Gabriel.

Gabriel, Sam’s boyfriend, his partner—an archangel with the ability to cause very serious trouble.

The very first thing Spencer wanted to do was run. Fight or flight kicked in and flight had always been one of her easiest options. But Sam knew that about her and he moved easily, hands out on either side in a gesture meant to either stop her or shower her he wasn’t going to try anything—or both. His wide eyes were locked on her and he didn’t looked stunned, but he did look so damn sorry and just a bit afraid. “I’m sorry, Spencer.” He sounded it, too, his voice heavy with it. “I’m so sorry.”

She pressed one hand in against her stomach where it felt like her emotions were this great big twisting knot that left her feeling like she might throw up. Very deliberately she avoided looking over at Gabriel; she was terrified of what she’d see. “I’m not the one you should apologize to.” Somehow, her voice came out with only a slight tremble to it.

“You absolutely are.” Gabriel chimed in, speaking up for the first time since the whole argument had started. “His timing couldn’t have been any worse.” He stepped up to stand more beside Sam and the movement made it to where Spencer couldn’t ignore him anymore. She couldn’t keep from turning her eyes and looking right at him. What she found wasn’t what she expected. Gabriel didn’t look angry. He didn’t even look _upset._ As if he’d heard that thought, which was a very distinct possibility, he smiled at her. “I’m not upset, Spencer.”

“What kind of game are you guys playing here?” It was the only thing that made any sense to her. The only logical thing here. They had to be playing a game of some sort; a trick.

Sam and Gabriel both looked a little pained at that. “No game.” Sam said, lowering his hands down. “We’re not playing you. We just…” Sighing, he ran a hand through his hair and pushed it back from his face. “This wasn’t how I wanted to do this.”

Putting a hand on his partner’s arm, Gabriel took over for him with a bluntness that neither he nor Sam usually showed. “We like you. Well, Sam loves you—I’m still getting to know you. But we both like you and we’d both like to try and see where that goes with you.”

There were so many different emotions warring inside of Spencer she had no idea how to handle it. She couldn’t even seem to breathe past it. Shock, disbelief, a hesitant sort of excitement, fear—all of it was twisting and twirling around inside of her and she couldn’t…she just _couldn’t_. This was too much all at once and she couldn’t take it. Her night had already been full of emotional upheaval and now they were throwing this at her and it was too much. Way too much. She wanted to believe them, wanted to believe that Sam would never lie to her, but the part of her that had been hurt way too many times didn’t allow her to believe them. That was the part of her that had her taking one step back, then another, and then turning on her heel and actually running away like the coward she knew she was.

* * *

It wasn’t that hard for Dean to take Gabriel’s hint and bail on the unfolding drama before it could really get going. The last thing he wanted was to be in the middle of all that when it really went off. While he didn’t think that he could understand Spencer's choice here, he could respect it. This was her decision to make and he wasn’t going to push it. He had no idea why she’d want to give up trying to change back to herself, but, hell, it wasn’t his business. Half the time she didn’t even seem all that bothered by it.

So Dean left them to their argument and he ended up where he always did on days he needed to ignore other people’s crap—the garage. He’d taken to coming in here a lot lately to avoid a lot of the strangeness going on around them. Not just Spencer's crap, or whatever weird thing was going on with Spencer and the insane couple, but to hide out and piece together his thoughts on all their other drama too. The fallen angels, trying to figure out how to open up Heaven, what to do about their demon in the basement and the Knight of Hell that would like nothing more than to turn them all into mincemeat. Plus, they couldn’t forget somehow trying to find out how to get back Castiel’s grace.

The others could do their thinking inside or buried with books. Dean did his best thinking on the road, or here, working on his baby.

Besides, Cas had taken to hanging out nearby while Dean worked. They didn’t always talk, either. Sometimes the ex-angel just sat there reading whatever books he brought while Dean worked on baby and music played in the background. That was what they were doing now. It was what they were still doing when the garage door snapped open and Spencer came tearing in like she had a hellhound after her.

One look was all it took for Dean to realize that she wasn’t running from anything deadly. The look on her face wasn’t one of fear like he was used to seeing on people when trouble came. This was a different kind of fear entirely and one he’d seen before—on his brother’s face. This was almost the exact same expression that Sam got when things were too much and he was ready to bolt. Apparently he and Spencer had more in common than Dean had realized.

Something bad must’ve happened in there. Spencer looked half panicked and while normally she seemed to lean towards the absentminded professor look, right now she looked like she’d just grabbed the first set of clothes she could get her hands on and threw them on before running out here.

Dean had even realized she owned anything like this. Though, since Gabriel had snapped up her clothes, he really should’ve figured. She was in low riding jeans that clung like a second skin, no-heeled boots that came almost up to her knees and were covered in buckles, and a blue Doctor Who shirt that just barely reached her jeans, flashing a bit of skin as she moved. Over it all she looked like she’d just snagged something off the coat rack on the way in here and had grabbed the plaid shirt that hung there that he knew belonged to his brother and she’d hadn’t even pulled her hair back, leaving all those curls flying loose and a bit wild around her face.

At a better time, he might’ve whistled at her just to screw with her. Even in her geeky clothes she looked hot; dressed like this only made it more apparent. But even he could tell now wasn’t the time for jokes like that.

While Dean straightened up but didn’t move forward, Castiel had no such compunctions. He pushed himself up off the ground and even moved towards her. “Spencer?”

“I need a ride.” She said immediately. There was a hint of a tremor to her voice and, as she got closer, Dean saw just how wide her eyes were as they went from him to Cas and back again. “Please. I need a ride out of here.”

A little hesitant, Dean picked up the rag nearby and wiped some of the grease off his hands. _Dammit, Sammy, what the hell did you do here?_ This wasn’t just someone upset because of an argument. “Where to?” He asked her as nonchalantly as possible.

“I don’t care.” Pushing some curls back from her face, she was so obviously fighting for some composure. “A bar, _anywhere_ , I don’t care. Just not _here_. _Please_.”

Damn. Whatever had happened in there had to have been bad. She was freaking out. Dean didn’t know her all that well, even after her short time here, and he still was a bit hesitant around her, but there was no way he could just send her off on her own like this or ignore those big eyes that looked like they were on the verge of tears. A part of him wondered if maybe he should go find his brother and figure out what had happened here. The bigger part of him, however, never could walk away from a vulnerable woman, even one who was technically a dude.

Reaching up, he caught baby’s hood and shut it before he finished wiping off his hands and tossed his rag down on his tools. He’d text Sam an tell him to come clean this up for him. If he was going to clean up Sam’s mess, the least Sam could do was clean up his. “Why not. You comin’, Cas?” Might as well bring along some backup. Something told him this was going to get a lot more emotional than he wanted and having backup and plenty of booze would make it at least somewhat bearable.

Castiel didn’t look way from Spencer as he said “Of course.”

In no time at all the three of them were on their way out of there. Spencer said nothing as she curled herself up in the backseat and stared out the window. Dean gave her the time to pull herself together. He turned up the radio and enjoyed the sound of Steppenwolf playing through the speakers.

Spencer was out of the car almost the instant they parked. Shutting off the engine, Dean watched her go inside and tried not to sigh. He sent off a quick text to his brother to tell him to go clean up in the garage and then he pocketed his phone and climbed out of the car. He ignored the feel of his phone vibrating his coat pocket while he and Cas headed inside.

It didn’t surprise him to see Spencer showing her ID to the bartender. She looked a lot younger than she was.

Dean walked up beside her and, after a look at Spencer's face and the whiskey in the shot glass in front of her, made a quick decision. He looked up at the bartender and grinned at the guy; they were familiar enough with one another. Dean had been in here plenty of times. “You know what, just go ahead and give us the bottle and a few glasses. We’ll go take it on to the tables.”

“You got it, man.”

When they got seated at a table tucked into the corner, Dean poured a glass for each of them. He knew Cas wasn’t a huge fan of straight whiskey but he also wasn’t a big drinker, period. He’d probably nurse his glass most of the time they were here. Spencer, on the other hand, drank down half her glass in one go like she was taking shots. Damn. He’d never really seen her drink, not even with them in the evening, so it seemed even stranger to watch her throwing it back like a pro now.

Castiel looked even more worried than before. “Spencer… “

She held up one slender hand towards Castiel to cut him off. “I know what you’re going to ask about and I’m nowhere near drunk enough to answer you.” Lowering her hand, she picked up her glass again and slammed back the other half in one swallow. When she set the glass down, she blew out a breath and gave Castiel a smile that was clearly forced. “I promise, once I’m drunk enough there’s a good chance I’ll tell you all about it if you ask. I tend to be blunt and far too honest with people when I drink too much. It’s why I tend not to indulge. But tonight, I have every intention of drinking until I’m incapable of walking.”

“Shouldn’t take much.” Dean quipped. She was such a tiny thing; he doubted she could hold her liquor all that well. Hell, she was skinny enough it actually made her look smaller than she really was. He often forgot that she was close to him in height until she stood up and even then she still gave off this air of being smaller and much more delicate.

Spencer's smile sharpened ever so slightly and she held her glass out towards him in open appeal for more. “We’ll just have to see about that.”

* * *

They had a good amount of the bottle gone before they started to talk again. It was Spencer who initiated conversation this time. She was leaning back in her chair, one leg crossed over the other, and her glass cradled in one hand. There was a hint of a blush to her cheeks but no other sign that she’d had as much alcohol as she had. Dean was already a little impressed; he hadn’t expected her to hold her own. Most of this bottle had gone into her glass so far.

As she sipped off her glass, no longer taking ‘shots’ from it, she looked at him over the top of it. When he met her gaze, she gave him that shy smile of hers that didn’t often come out. “Thanks, Dean.”

His eyebrows went up with surprise. “For?”

“This.” With her glass, she gestured at the three of them and their table. “I know you’re not all that fond of me, so I appreciate you bringing me here.”

Wait a second, what? Dean exchanged a quick look with Castiel, who didn’t look like he understood any more than Dean did, and then he turned back to her. “What’re you talking about? I got no problems with you, Spencer.”

She nodded like that made sense. “All right, not me. My past with your brother, then.”

He couldn’t exactly deny that. He wasn’t happy with this whole past the two of them shared and how Sam had kept it all secret. He hadn’t said anything to her about it because it wasn’t her fault or her choice. _Sam_ was the one who had lied to him, again, and kept something from him. But if she was going to bring it up here, Dean wasn’t going to ignore it. He finished off his own glass and set it down on the table. “Maybe I just don’t like the idea that my baby brother’s been keeping someone secret for _fifteen years_.”

She didn’t flinch from his tone, though he had a feeling she wanted to. There was a caution on her face that Dean had seen before in people who were far too used to being on the receiving end of someone’s temper. Instead of flinching, though, she curled long fingers around her glass and stared down into it for a moment. Then she mimicked Dean’s moves and downed what was left in her glass before setting hers on the table as well. “I can’t make excuses for Sam, or explain all the reasoning in his head as to why he kept quiet about me.” She said slowly. “I can, however, tell you that he mostly likely did it at least in part to protect me.”

“Protect you from what? _Me_?” Dean asked incredulously. It couldn’t be from their lifestyle. From the way they talked, she knew plenty about their life. She sounded like she knew all about Dean and Cas and even Gabriel.

“No, not you.” Her eyes flicked up to him and then back down at her glass. Dean was surprised when Castiel reached forward and poured her another drink. She gave him grateful look and took a sip off it. “From everyone. I was…I was young, when Sam and I met. Young and stupid and utterly terrified of the world. I met Sam when a case hit too close to home for him to be able to ignore. A poltergeist that sort of went a little south. We were both separately on the case—him, because it was so close to home and no matter what you think of him, there’s no way he could let someone die when he knew he could help them. I was there because one of the victims who died was a friend of mine.” Spencer blew out a breath and sat back in her seat, lifting her glass up and taking a sip.

“I didn’t know Sam hunted while in college.” Castiel said.

Spencer smiled a little. “He didn’t, much. Like I said, it was too close to home for him to let it go. I was very lucky he showed up there. I won’t go into details because a lot of it’s blurry for me, but Sam saved my life. He still tries to say it was mutual, that I saved his as much as he saved mine, but that’s an old argument between us. He saved me, took care of things, and then got me cleaned up so I wouldn’t have to go to a hospital. And he saved me in so many other ways after that.

Despite the conversation, Dean had to smile a little. “That sounds like Sammy.” The kid couldn’t resist saving anyone. If Dean let him, the kid would bring home strays all the time.

Spencer nodded her agreement. “I learned that after a while. I didn’t trust him at first, of course. I didn’t trust anyone.” She let out a chuckle that was just a bit bitter and her eyes were a bit distant. She was staring down into her glass like it held the answers to the universe. “He’s just got this way of worming himself into your life and making you care. He doesn’t even realize he does it.” Her voice had softened towards the end there and Dean could hear something in her voice, see it on her face, that he couldn’t believe he hadn’t noticed before now. He’d figured out that his brother and the kid had been lovers before. He hadn’t realized… _this_.

A soft smile touched Spencer's lips and she looked suddenly so much sadder. “Do you know how long I’ve known your brother?”

Of course he did. “Fifteen years.”

“Do you know how long I’ve loved your brother?” She looked up at him and a sad smiled touched her lips. “Fifteen years. Do you know how long it’s been since I’ve chose to willingly sleep with someone other than him? Fifteen years.”

Both Castiel and Dean looked a bit stunned by that. While Castiel didn’t understand a lot of human customs, he did know some, and he’d observed enough of the Winchesters to know that going that long without another partner didn’t seem to be the norm for anyone who wasn’t a married couple. “You’ve never taken another sexual partner in all these years?” Castiel asked.

Giving a wry little half smile, Spencer shrugged one shoulder and looked back down at her glass. “I love him.”

“But he…”

Before Castiel could really stick his foot in his mouth, Dean kicked him under the table. Hard.

The way that Spencer smiled at him said that she’d understood what Castiel was going to say. “It’s okay. It’s not like I’m exactly ignorant of the other lovers Sam’s had. I’ve never begrudged him that. Loving someone means wanting them to be happy no matter what, whether it’s with you or not. I was happy for him when he was with Jess. I never begrudged him any of them. I want him to be happy.”

“Then why are you so upset now?” Castiel asked gently.

Spencer snorted and lifted her glass again to drink down what was left. “He kissed me, right in front of Gabriel, and then they both let me know they want me. I didn’t feel like sticking around to hear about their plans for whatever threesome they apparently want before I go back home.” With that, she grabbed the bottle herself and poured more into her glass. “And now I’m going to get very, very drunk and pretend for a while that I didn’t pour out my emotional mess all over the two of you. If you’d like to join me, the next bottle’s on me.”

There was nothing that Dean could say to make this better for her, he knew, and even if there was he’d have no idea what it was he was supposed to say. Inside, he was cursing his little brother for being a giant idiot. There were few who knew the giant better than he did and he was almost positive that a kinky threesome—and he had to fight back a shudder thinking about his brother and Gabriel together, let alone with anyone else—was not what Sammy wanted with her. Judging by how the couple had acted with her, Dean was almost positive they wanted something more, though he had no idea how the hell that was going to work. But there was no way he could explain that to her and have her believe him. Especially not right now.

But there was one thing he _could_ do.

Filling up his own glass, he held it out to her and let his lips curve up. “I’ll drink to that. Cheers, kid.”

Spencer flashed a bright smile and lifted her own glass. “Cheers.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys liked this chapter. Please don't be afraid to drop a line and let me know what you think, your reviews are like gold. Or crack. ;) Not quite sure which


	11. Chapter 11

Sam spent the rest of the day cursing himself for being so damn stupid and pushing way, way too fast. He _knew_ Spencer, probably better than she knew herself, and he knew just how dumb it was to have pushed her like that. He and Gabriel had had a plan for a reason. They’d thought ahead and figured out their slow courtship plans and they were smart. They were _working_. The first step had been getting Spencer and Gabriel closer together, letting them get to know one another and be comfortable with each other. It was a way not only to get her to relax with him but to make sure that they were even compatible. From there, they had plans for dates and other things. They’d figured it all out—and Sam had gone and screwed it up with one panicked kiss.

He’d known even as he’d done it that she was going to run. They were too much alike in that area. He just hadn’t expected her to run out with Dean of all people. But Sam had gotten a text from Dean just a bit ago that said “ _Clean up my mess in the garage while I go clean up yours_ ”. He hadn’t answered his phone after that; not that Sam needed to wonder. He had a pretty good idea where the two of them would go. Well, three. Castiel seemed nowhere in sight, either. It was a good bet he was with them.

At least she was safe. Dean and Castiel would keep her safe.

Kneeling in front of Dean’s toolbox, Sam tried not to clench his fist down on the wrench as he put it away. This wasn’t how this was supposed to go.

“Relax, Samsquatch.” A warm hand curved over the back of Sam’s neck and he felt just a bit of his tension drain away with that touch. “She’ll come back. Our brothers will bring her back.”

Sighing, Sam set the wrench down and then sat back on his heels. “It’s not her coming back I’m worried about. She always comes back. It’s just…did you see her face?” He tilted his head so that he could look up at his lover. “She couldn’t even entertain the idea that we might actually want her. Hell, she’s probably out there right now convincing herself that we were either playing a helluva bad joke or that we were just going to ask her for some sort of threesome before she goes home. It’s not gonna cross her mind that we might actually want _her_.”

Gabriel’s fingers toyed with the hair at the base of Sam’s skull, a soothing little gesture he used whenever Sam was really stressed. “Yeah, I caught that. Dad help me, how on earth did I end up falling for two people who have absolutely no idea of their self-worth?”

A weak smile ghosted over Sam’s lips. He couldn’t deny his self-worth issues. They’d made it so hard for him accept that Gabriel might actually want him. It’d taken a lot of work on Gabriel’s part to get Sam to relax around him and accept that the archangel might actually want him, and not just for a one night stand or a few quick fucks.

The smile on Gabriel’s lips showed he’d followed Sam’s train of thought there. Tugging on Sam’s hair, he tilted his head back just enough that he could bend down and take a kiss. “Don’t worry, kiddo. If I could convince you, we can convince her. We’ll pin her down and talk to her and we’ll make damn sure she understands what it is we want.”

It might be their only real hope right now. Just trap her in a room with them and talk to her until she understood. That would have to wait, though. Because Sam _did_ know Spencer and he knew what today, or tonight, was going to be like. If she was out drinking with Dean right now like the younger Winchester suspected it meant that tonight was going to be an interesting one. Sam braced his hands on his knees and pushed up from the ground. Then he slipped his arm around Gabriel’s waist and gave him a quick kiss. “C’mon. We might as well get a few things done while we can. Tonight I doubt any of us are going to be getting any rest.”

* * *

By the time the trio arrived back at the bunker, Castiel was the only sober one. He drove them back and helped them unload from the car. Spencer had a vague memory of warm, familiar hands helping her, getting her down to her room and even into her bed, and someone pulling off her shoes, but it all went nicely blank after that. She was already unconscious by the time her clothes were snapped out for pajamas and when a bottle of water was set on her nightstand.

If she’d been coherent enough to think about it, she would’ve remember just why it was such a bad idea to drink so very much when she was already upset. Lowered walls plus the dulling effects of alcohol never spelled out a good night for her. Not just from nightmares—from _memories_. The kind of memories that she’d been many, many years fighting to ignore, locking them away deep inside where they couldn’t hurt her. Pain and alcohol took away the strength she used to keep them locked away and they came swarming up in the form of night terrors that gripped her and tore at her until she yanked herself upright with a scream caught up in her throat. There was barely enough time for her to stumble her way into the bathroom before her stomach emptied itself. Thank God there was no one there to see the way that she fell and crawled those last few feet towards the toilet. With her hands clenched on the edges, she emptied out everything in her system into that toilet bowl.

It took a long time before her body stopped trying to forcefully eject everything in it. She stayed bent there, hands clenching on the seat and her body shaking from how forcefully she’d vomited and from the remnants of the dream that was still trying to play through her mind. Instead of the alcohol providing her with the oblivion she’d been so desperately seeking it had instead opened her up to the things she tried her hardest not to think about.

Spencer's legs shook as she pushed herself up from the ground. It took a few tries to get herself under control enough to be able to at least rinse her mouth out so she didn’t have that sour taste in there anymore. She looked up at her reflection and flinched back from the sight that met her. Male or female, apparently it didn’t matter. Her eyes still had that same bruised, aching look to them when she was scared like this. She could see the fear in them that she liked to pretend didn’t exist anymore. A fear that had been put in there a long, long time ago by demons who had been inside her mind enough to know exactly what to pull out to make her hurt the most.

A shiver ran down Spencer's spine and she clenched her hand on the edge of the sink. _No_. No, she wasn’t going to think about it. She wasn’t going to sit here and think about those things and let them rip her apart.

There was no way she was going to be able to go back to bed, though. The bedroom felt too small, too confined. She’d never be able to go back to sleep in there. It was the same after any of these nightmares. Going back to sleep was almost impossible. She forced herself not to look at the bed as she hurried through the room. On the way she snagged a sweater from her closet. It barely took the edge off the chill she felt.

The urge to go and find the only person who’d ever really been able to comfort her after dreams like this was strong. She was so tempted to go down to Sam’s room. He’d let her in, she knew. No matter what else was going on between them right now he would always let her in. _Especially_ if he saw that she was upset. But she just, she couldn’t. She couldn’t do it. Pride, fear, it didn’t matter what it was. She couldn’t make herself walk down there.

So when she stepped into the TV room with the intent of watching some mindless television in the hopes of numbing her brain a bit, she was stunned to find that the man she’d convinced herself not to go find was right there, curled up on the couch with his partner.

Gabriel noticed her first, of course. He looked up almost the instant she came in. As soon as he saw her, he nudged at Sam, who sat up and twisted to look back towards her. Spencer hated her body for the way it trembled and gave away her fear even more. When familiar hazel eyes locked on her it took only one sweep for them to recognize the signs of what had happened. Just like she’d known, any problems between them fell away, any fight or such was forgotten. Sam’s face softened with understanding and he opened up his arms to her. Spencer wanted to stay back. She wanted to ignore him and turn around and walk away before she let herself get sucked in here to something that she was terrified was going to hurt so damn much in the long run.

Instead, she found her body moving without any input from her mind at all, carrying her over to him and right into his lap like she was some small child. His arms closed about her and Spencer found herself pulled in and cradled not only on Sam’s lap, but Gabriel was there as well, almost hesitant as he scooted in towards them like he wasn’t quite sure he’d be welcome. When she didn’t flinch from him, her legs ended up over his lap and it was good, it was okay. The heat that Gabriel radiated was almost better than Sam’s. Combined, they were chasing the chill that was still making her limbs shake.

“I got you.” Sam murmured against Spencer's hair. “It was just a dream, Spencer. That’s all. You’re not there and they aren’t here. You’re safe.”

Those last two words were the most important ones. It was what Sam knew she needed to hear and feel right now. He told her not only with his words but with his body. As he held her, his strength and size made her feel small and safe tucked into his lap the way that she was. With Sam’s arms around her and Gabriel’s arm over her legs, his warm hand resting on the outside of her thigh, she felt protected and anchored.

In the background she could hear the soft sounds of whatever movie they’d been watching. They didn’t seem to care that they were missing it. They just sat there with her and held on until the shaking stopped and the urge to cry finally faded away.

Turning her face in, she pressed her cheek against Sam’s chest, able to hear his heart beating through his thin t-shirt. “I’m sorry.”

“You’ve got nothing to be sorry for, Princess.” Gabriel said lowly, giving her thigh a gentle squeeze.

Sam cupped a hand against the back of her head and pulled her in a little closer. “He’s right. I don’t care what’s going on, you know you can always come to me.”

“I didn’t mean to interrupt your movie time.”

There was a snap and then the sounds of the movie were gone. Peeking out, she saw that it was paused. Her eyes drifted over to Gabriel next and she found him smiling just a bit at her. “It’s just a movie. We can always skip back and pick up where we left off. You’re more important here, kiddo.” Rubbing a little at her leg, he tipped his head. “You wanna talk about it?”

Spencer quickly shook her head. No, talking about it was the very last thing she wanted to do.

“It’s all right.” Sam said. His breath ruffled against her hair a little. “I had a feeling this would happen. One of the dark-bad ones, right?”

They had a way of classifying their bad dreams with one another that kept them from having to actively talk about them, something that neither one was all that fond of doing. They’d done it before, at least once, so the other knew what they were talking about, at least with some of them. Some they couldn’t bring themselves to put words to. So they’d just ask each other—was it bad, really bad, sorta bad, or dark bad? Dark-bad ones were the worst. They were the ones that neither one ever wanted to talk about. The ones that the other knew at least a little about but not the details.

Shuddering, Spencer nodded, tightening her grip on the material in her hands. She hadn’t even realized that she’d gripped at Sam’s shirt. No, wait—not just Sam’s. The material in each hand felt different. One hand was clenched down in the thin material of Sam’s shirt and the other had caught hold of the hem of Gabriel’s shirt. She doubted he’d even noticed it. She couldn’t help herself, though. Contact with those that were ‘safe’ in her mind was something she always wanted after a nightmare like that. After the memories of _pain_ and _terror_ and _alone, so alone_ , she needed to be able to latch onto something that was real and safe. For her, that had always been Sam.

If she couldn’t have it through touch, sometimes hearing Sam’s voice would be enough. She’d done that plenty of times over the years. He was well used to her random calls. She never admitted that she was upset when she called; she’d just start talking about random, inane things, and Sam would pick up on it and just start talking her ear off, letting his voice soothe her down. She’d done the exact same thing for him in return. Especially after hell.

The way they were wrapped around her now was exactly what she needed. She felt safe here, with them. Both of them. Sam she knew would always keep her safe. Gabriel…she was beginning to realize that maybe he would, too.

Here, wrapped up in them in the dark room that was lit only by the frozen image from the TV screen, her earlier fears didn’t seem to hold as much sway. It was almost scarily easy to just lay there with them holding on to her and fight against the fears that had been smothering her before. Her body relaxed, though her mind still raced. “Will you talk to me?” she asked softly, closing her eyes so she wouldn’t have to look at them as she said it. “Just…please? Anything?”

“Sure.” Sam said easily. He started to stroke one hand over her hair, smoothing it back from her face and taming the mess she’d made of it while sleeping. “Why don’t we talk about what happened earlier?”

That had Spencer freezing. Then she huffed out a breath and wished she could at least glare at him. “Well I walked right into that one.”

Through her lashes she saw Gabriel’s grin. “Pretty much, kiddo.”

The hand in her hair smoothed over the back of her head and briefly cupped there to hold her in place. “Just, just listen for a minute, Spencer, okay? That’s all I’m asking. Just listen for a minute.”

“Okay.” It was the least she could do. Especially since anything else meant that she would probably have to get up from here and that was the last thing she wanted to do.

“I know my timing sucked earlier and I’m sorry for that.” Sam said. Then he surprised her by pressing a light kiss against the crown of her head. “But I’m not sorry for kissing you. Gabe and I, we weren’t playing a joke on you, Spence, and we weren’t trying to get you in our bed for a night or two.”

“Though, don’t get us wrong, we’d _love_ to have you there.” Gabriel chimed in, winking at her when she peeked out at him.

Sam snorted and Spencer could feel his chest shake a little with his chuckle. “Nice, Gabe.”

“What?” The archangel tried for innocent and only managed a smugly amused look. “I thought we were going for honesty, here!”

Spencer swore she could almost _feel_ Sam rolling his eyes and she found herself fighting the urge to chuckle at the two of them.

“ _Anyways_ ,” Sam drawled out, cutting off whatever else Gabriel might’ve said and bringing the conversation back under control. “As I was saying—we weren’t asking you for a one night stand, or to spice up our sex life or anything like that. We were…we were asking you on a date, I guess. With us.”

Wait, what? A _date_? They wanted to go on a date, with her?

Reaching up with his free hand, Gabriel brushed Spencer's hair back from her face, taking away the little screen she’d instinctively tried to hide behind. His fingertips brushed over her cheek and his touch was oh-so-gentle. With the light of the TV reflecting off his amber eyes, they seemed to glow just a little more than they normally did. Spencer found she couldn’t look away. Holding her gaze, Gabriel’s lips curved up in a smile she hadn’t ever seen on him before. It was warm and soft and so much sweeter than she’d known the trickster could be. “Anyone who spends any amount of time with the two of you can see just how much you two love each other.” Gabriel said. He cupped her cheek, his thumb going over her lips to keep her from anything she might’ve tried to say there. “No, Princess, it’s all right. You two love each other—I’ve known that for a while now. I’ve been in Sammy’s head. I know he loves you, just like I know he loves me. And I already cared about you, at least some, just from what I saw in Sammy’s memories. The person I’ve gotten to know since then is even better.”

“What we wanted was try to find something that would make the three of us happy.” Sam nuzzled in against her hair, pressing another kiss to the top of her head. “I want you both in my life, Spencer. Maybe it’s selfish, but it’s true. The question here is whether or not you want us.”

Spencer's mind felt like it was spinning. They…they wanted her? _Her_? Not just Sam, who she knew had always at least desired her physically, but Gabriel too? They wanted her? Wanted to _date_ her? It was so much to take in. So much more than she’d thought they’d wanted. She’d resigned herself to Sam never wanting her the way that she wanted him. Now to hear Gabriel so casually announce how much she and Sam both loved each other, apparently, and how he was starting to care for her, it threw her already confused mind for yet another loop.

The thumb over her lips moved to stroke over her cheek. “You don’t have to answer yet.” Gabriel said kindly. “Take all the time you need to think about it. We just wanted you to understand so you knew what was really going on.”

“Can you do that?” Sam asked. “Can you just, can you think about it?”

There was only one answer she could give. Spencer nodded her head, not quite able to form the words.

She felt both men relax around her. Gabriel’s hand gave one last stroke over her cheek and Sam put one more kiss against her hair and then the two were snuggling her in close and Gabriel’s hand was back to stroking over the outside of her thigh. There, cradled with them, Spencer's mind raced even as her body relaxed down into the comfort of these men, the warmth and safety that they promised.

The movie turned back on but she didn’t even notice it. She let her mind race over everything she’d just been told until she drifted back down into sleep held in the safety of their arms.

* * *

They stayed out there through most of the night. After Spencer fell asleep, Sam and Gabriel stayed up for a while, finishing their movie and even watching another. Sam had warned Gabriel how the night could go and the archangel quickly learned that his lover’s predictions had been correct. Spencer woke twice after she joined them, each time coming back to consciousness with a gasp and a look of terror on her face the likes of which Gabriel never wanted to see there ever again.

By the time they got her settled down for the third time, it was close to three a.m. and it wasn’t just her that passed out, it was Sam, too.

Much to Gabriel’s surprise, it wasn’t just Sam that Spencer latched on to when she woke up, afraid. It was him, too. He’d found that out when he’d tried to shift one time and had found his shirt locked in a slender fist. He hadn’t questioned the warmth that spread through his grace at that. Instead, he’d just made sure that they could all stay together even if it meant making sure the couch was just a little bit bigger. They ended up in a sort of puppy pile, with Gabriel tucked into the corner, Sam lying on his back with his head in Gabriel’s lap, and Spencer draped over top of Sam like she was some sort of blanket, one of her arms tucked between Sam and the back of the couch so that she could curl it up and keep her fingers in Gabriel’s shirt. Her head rested at Sam’s shoulder, which made it easy for Gabriel to drape his own arm over her and curl his fingers over her hip. He snapped up a blanket long enough for his two giants and made sure it was tucked over them. Then he kicked his feet up on the coffee table and settled in to enjoy a few movies.

With one of his wings invisibly extended over his two partners, they’d sleep the rest of the night, he knew. He’d make sure of it. The day had been a long one and both deserved their sleep. After the drama of their morning, plus Spencer's day out with Dean—how on earth she and Dean had spent so long at a bar and _not_ managed to drink themselves to death was still a bit of a mystery—and then the rough evening that she’d had, the two humans deserved as good a night sleep as Gabriel could get them.

He was still there watching movies when Dean woke up. It was early for the older Winchester, speaking to nightmares of his own. He poked his head in about the time that Gabriel was starting the first of the Harry Potter movies.

“Harry Potter?” He said as he strolled in. “Seriously?”

Gabriel shot him a glare as he came around the edge of the couch. Could the idiot be any louder? “Keep your voice down, Deano.” His voice was low but it carried a definite note of warning to it. “You wake them up and I swear, I’ll make TV Land seem like the stuff of dreams.”

He saw as Dean looked down and finally realized that Gabriel wasn’t alone out here. Countless emotions flashed over his face so fast it was almost hard to keep up with them. Surprise, a hint of brotherly disgust, discomfort, hesitation, and then his face was wiped carefully blank and he looked up at Gabriel without a hint of his inner thoughts showing. “Well. I see you guys worked things out.”

It only took a thought for Gabriel to carefully shield the two below him so they wouldn’t hear any of the conversation that was about to happen. The hell if he was going to let this wake them up. But he wasn’t going to let this just pass by, either. Best to get this out in the open now, with him, than let it come out on these two later. Dean already disliked Gabriel. What was on more fight going to matter between them? “Got a problem with that, Winchester?” He arched one eyebrow and put on his most mocking look, knowing it would piss Dean off. “C’mon, speak up. Let’s hear it. You got a problem with this?”

“Just keep it in the bedroom.” Dean said dryly.

Temper and grace flashed openly in Gabriel’s eyes. “Watch it, Don Juan. Just because you can’t commit to anyone doesn’t mean the rest of the world is that stunted. She’s not just some quick, cheap thrill for us.”

Dean had never cowered back from Gabriel and now was no different. He met him glare for glare and snapped right back at him. “Maybe you should try telling _her_ that, tough guy, cause that aint what she thinks.”

There was no reason to let Dean know just how much that mark hit home. Gabriel resisted the urge to wince. Instead, he lashed out. “I tell you what, bucko. You pull your head outta your ass and talk to my baby bro about just how badly you wanna bone him and then you can come and give me advice on my partners, all right?” Then, even though he knew it’d get him a lot of shit later, not just from Dean but from everyone else most likely, he snapped his fingers and sent the hunter to Castiel’s room.

When he looked back down at the two in his lap to make sure they were still out, he was surprised to see one heavy-lidded chocolate eye peeking up at him. It took only a thought for Gabriel to banish the protection he’d put over the two so they wouldn’t hear his argument with Dean. He could tell it worked when Spencer gave him a sleepy smile. She didn’t look upset, so Gabriel didn’t even try and act ashamed of himself. “Sorry.” He apologized, not sounding sorry at all. “I wanted to let you guys sleep. Didn’t figure you needed to hear Deano and I growling at each other.”

He saw the corner of her eye wrinkle from her smile. Her head turned just enough that she could better look up at him, her back pressing towards the back of the couch. “I could feel you talking.”

The sound of her voice husky with sleep had Gabriel fighting to keep his vessel from responding. That wasn’t exactly how he needed to wake Sammy up. At least not while they had still slightly hesitant company.

Spencer yawned and just barely covered it with a long fingered hand. It made her look so much younger. The both of them did right in that moment. Sam’s face was soft with sleep, the usual lines gone from it making him look almost ten years younger. They were all so sleepy and content here and it had Gabriel’s grace reaching out towards them. Not to do anything, really. Just to brush up against them with the warm affection that he was feeling right now. His wing was responding the same way, stroking lightly over them though neither could see it. It was those actions more than anything else that told Gabriel just how sunk he already was. Because, it wasn’t just Sam he was reaching to here. The realization stunned him.

He was even more surprised when Spencer suddenly asked “Is that you?”

“You can feel that?”

“I’ve been told I’m more sensitive to those kinds of touches than the average human.” Spencer murmured. Her lips quirked up a little. “Or maybe I’ve just gotten used to your presence.”

That made sense. Both parts of it did, really. “Does it bother you?”

She didn’t answer him right away. She stopped and thought about it, a trait of hers that he enjoyed most of the time, at least when she didn’t _over_ think things. “No. You feel, good.”

There was no way Gabriel could stop the low chuckle he let out at that. She must’ve realized how her words sounded because she almost immediately blushed and turned her head in to bury it against Sam again. When she looked back up at him, her cheeks were still slightly pink, but her eyes were sparkling with a bit of mirth. Their gazes caught and Gabriel saw something flash through hers, though what he couldn’t be sure. His whole body went still, though, like it was on edge, waiting. Spencer stared up at him for a long minute as the mirth went away and that _something else_ grew a little more. When she broke the silence, her voice was low and most than a little hesitant. “Did you mean it?”

He didn’t have to ask what she meant. There was only one thing she could be referring to and they both knew it. “Yes.”

“An you want this for…for you? Not just for Sam?”

From Gabriel’s memories rose a different voice, a different face, asking him something close to the same. _“You want…me?_ You _want_ me _?”_ Different words but the questions were the same. Gabriel wondered how it was that he’d picked two humans who thought so very little of themselves that they couldn’t even believe someone would want them. It’d taken him time to convince Sam that he truly wanted him and even now he still caught glimpses sometimes of the awe on Sam’s face like he still couldn’t quite believe that he was here, with Gabriel. The archangel was patient and showed him over and over again that he was here to stay. He could do the same with Spencer.

Lifting his hand from her hip, he brushed a bit of hair back from her face, a stray curl twirling round his finger as he did. He smiled down at her and let his grace reach out just a little more so that the warmth and want she felt were more deliberate. “I wouldn’t do this if I didn’t want to, kiddo. If it didn’t or doesn’t work out with you, I’m more than willing to work a relationship to suit our needs, even if it means you and I are strictly platonic, cuddly partners. But believe me when I say I want this. I want to try.”

The way that she lit up at that, a joyous disbelief in her eyes, was amazing.

“What about you?” He asked. “Are you doing this just to have Sam?” Not that he could blame her. He would understand if she’d felt like she had to try with him just to be able to get what she always wanted with Sam.

Again, she didn’t answer right away. She looked up at him and her eyes seemed to be searching his. Whatever she found there had her smiling that sweet smile once more. “No. I like you, Gabriel. Because you’re you, not because you’re connected to him. I…I don’t know if it’ll be more. I don’t know if it can be more. But…”

“You’re willing to try?”

She nodded. Then almost immediately she flushed, eyes dropping shyly down to look at his shirt. It was sweet and endearing and so at odds with the fact that she was snuggled up with the both of them right then. Gabriel looked beyond her head for a moment to another pair of eyes, ones that had remained discreetly hidden behind long lashes for the past few minutes while their owner had pretended to be asleep. The small smile that Sam wore spoke volumes, though. He caught Gabriel’s eye and gave just a tiny little nod. That was all the permission Gabriel needed from him. His hand still by Spencer's face, he cupped her cheek, loving the way she pressed right into his touch. Her eyes lifted back up to his and her eyebrows furrowed just a little.

Gabriel stroked his thumb over the apple of her cheek and tilted his head just a bit. He held her gaze as he bent down and saw as she realized what she was doing, and also as she made her decision not to move. In fact, she pushed up just a little, making it easier for him so it wasn’t quite a bend when their lips brushed against each other. Gabriel curled his fingers around to cup the back of her head, his palm still on her cheek, and he held her in place as he gave her a short, almost chaste kiss. When she pressed up into it, he let himself deepen it.

They pulled apart and Gabriel was more than satisfied by the warmth in her eyes that said he wasn’t the only one affected by this.

“Now that’s a sight to wake up to.” Sam murmured. He chuckled when Spencer jumped and turned his head so he could nuzzle in at her temple. “I see you two worked things out.”

Spencer was still blushing, but she rolled her eyes and the corner of her mouth quirked up. “You would know. You’ve been awake since I woke up.”

“Spencer!” Sam pretended to sound shocked. “Are you implying that I…”

“…eavesdropped and then indulged your voyeuristic tendencies?” she finished cheekily, making Gabriel grin. “Absolutely.”

“Voyeuristic tendencies?” Gabriel’s grin grew a little wider and a little dirtier. “Sammy! You’ve been keeping secrets!”

This time it was Sam who was blushing and Spencer who was grinning. The playful side she didn’t often let out was free now and it showed in the little giggle she let free. “Oh, hasn’t he told you? I’ve told him time and again it’s nothing to be ashamed of it if he…” Her words were cut off when Sam brought a hand up and covered her mouth. The younger Winchester mock glared at her. There was still a blush to his cheeks, though. “That’s enough of that, Spencer. Or I’ll start telling stories about you next.”

This was getting better and better. Gabriel pulled his hand from by Spencer's face and draped his arm over them, giving Sam’s hip a squeeze. “Please do! There’s no kink shaming here,”

“No, no!” Spencer said, jerking her mouth free from Sam’s hand. She was bright red by now and avoiding looking at either one of them. “It looks like you’ve got a movie on. We should go ahead and watch that.” Her attempt to change the subject was obvious and just a bit adorable. Gabriel debated on whether or not to let her get away with it when she suddenly asked “Isn’t this that wizard movie that everyone talks about?”

The archangel and Sam exchanged shocked looks before both of them turned to look at her. “You’re telling me you’ve never seen _Harry Potter_?”

“Um, no?”

“Oh, hells no.” Gabriel said. A snap of his fingers had the remote in his hand and he clicked it back towards the start. “Budge around, kiddos. We’re getting comfortable and then we’re having a Potter marathon. There’s no way a person can go through their lives and _not_ see these movies. It’s a crime, I tell you. A crime!”

The living room was full of laughter as the trio settled in. Sam curled his arm over Spencer's waist and flipped her out from behind him to in front of him so that they were spooning. His elbow worked as a pillow for her and Gabriel gave him a pillow for him to use. Then the archangel didn’t hesitate to snap himself right in front of Spencer. The extra that he’d added to the couch earlier made it a perfect fit for them. The three lay spooned together perfectly with Gabriel pressed back against Spencer, and Spencer pressed back against Sam, and their legs one giant tangle. Sam’s arm was over Spencer, his fingers resting lightly on Gabriel’s stomach, and as the movie started Gabriel felt Spencer hesitantly slide her arm around him.

He grinned to himself and caught hold of her hand with his, threading their fingers together and pulling their joined hands up to his chest. Best to get her used to it right up front that he was a touchy sort of being.

It was a pretty perfect way to start the day.


	12. Chapter 12

_Warning: I borrowed some dialogue from this episode and worked it to fit my AU-ness here_

* * *

Of course, now that the trio had made their decision with each other, and Spencer had made her decision on what to do for herself, something else entirely had to crop up. They had a little over a half-day of peace together that they got to spend watching movies and never moving too far from the couch. They went through Harry Potter first and then the boys felt the need to further Spencer's ‘movie education’ and they started to work through what Gabriel called the Marvel Collection.

Dean and Castiel joined them when they were starting Iron Man. There was only one cross look from Dean to show anything towards his earlier argument with Gabriel; otherwise, they had a pretty great afternoon, the group of them settling in together and just enjoying the movies. Gabriel snapped up snacks and drinks for them.

It was when they were taking a bathroom break that things changed. Spencer walked back into the room in just enough time to see Gabriel practically drop. She moved without thinking, darting forward the short distance between them and catching him up in her arms. Sam must’ve felt something over whatever bond they held because he spun around at the same time and he was there just seconds after Spencer, his own hands helping to support the archangel. “Gabe, what is it?” Sam asked worriedly.

Castiel and Dean were both up, both watching them as Gabriel straightened back up. His expression was horrified. “ _No_.”

Spencer curled her fingers a little tighter over Gabriel’s arm. “Gabriel—what happened?”

There was just a moment’s pause and then Gabriel snapped his fingers and suddenly the world around them changed. Spencer had a brief moment to notice that not only had their location changed, they were also now all dressed in regular clothes as well, before her eyes caught sight of the horror show around her. Beside her, she heard someone suck in a breath and a voice that sounded like Sam’s saying “Shit.”

That one word pretty accurately summed up the mess around them. Spencer let her eyes travel over the remnants of the busted up bar they were inside of and take in the details. The bodies lying on the ground, the small wings burnt down beside them, the broken chairs and tables, the blood _everywhere_. This was a slaughter. Multiple people had been involved; there was no way this level of violence could be done by a single person, angel or not. They had come in here and taken out this group and left them like this to send a message.

She looked over as Gabriel broke away from her and Sam and moved to kneel down by one of the bodies. He reached out, brushing finger slightly over the man’s forehead. “I was too slow. He called out to me and I was too slow. The wards made him hard to track. I’m sorry, brother.” Bowing his head, he murmured something too low for the others to hear.

“If this just happened, the others can’t be far.” Dean said firmly.

But Gabriel was shaking his head. “They’re gone. They’ve covered their tracks well.” He straightened back up and Spencer caught a glimpse of the soldier inside of him. It showed in the hard light that flashed through his eyes and the stiff way that he held himself. This wasn’t just a soldier—it was a general. And he was furious. “Whoever did this knows enough to know to ward against other angels. They’re clever enough to hide, but they didn’t count on me.”

The room went quiet for a moment. Only Sam dared move, going to Gabriel’s side and lacing their fingers together. It wasn’t much; for Gabriel, it was enough. She saw him relax just the slightest bit at his partner’s touch.

There was another angel in the room, though, even if he was graceless. One that wasn’t taking this anywhere near as well. There was a muted horror in his bright blue eyes and guilt lying heavy on shoulders that shouldn’t have to bear this. “They were butchered.” Castiel said lowly. He looked like he was going to be sick as his gaze traveled over the room. “There was much more violence than required.”

Sam nodded agreeably. “Definitely took more than one or two killers to pull this off.”

“Hit squad? Bartholomew's people?” Dean asked.

Everyone but Spencer seemed to know what that meant. She furrowed a brow and looked over the group. “Who’s Bartholomew?” If they were going to have her here, she might as well have all the information.

“He’s an angel in charge of one of the factions that we know about.” Castiel answered. “But this—this could be someone else entirely.”

Spencer nodded absently to herself. Then she turned her attention back to the room. There were so many bodies here. All these big, biker men, reduced to this. Bodies on the ground. Humans whose lives had been ripped apart simply because they’d agreed to be a vessel to an angel. How was that right? How was it fair? She highly doubted the angels had been upfront about what the human was getting themselves into.

There was the soft sound of footsteps and then an arm brushed against Spencer's. She looked over to see Dean there, silent and steady, offering the only kind of support he really knew how. “I wish I could say it gets easier…”

“It never does.” Spencer said, shaking her head. She looked back down at the man below her and ached a little more. “It shouldn’t, either. It should never be easy. I’ve been at the BAU for almost ten years now and I’ve learned how to work around it, but that feeling never goes away. The day it does is the day I’ll quit.” Gideon had taught her that. Drawing in a breath, Spencer steadied herself, drawing on the other things that she’d learned from Gideon, and from Aaron and everyone else. She wrapped her emotions up tight and pushed them down and prepared to do what had to be done. When she looked up at Dean again, she wasn’t just Spencer, she was SSA Reid, and her gaze and voice were steady. “You guys should finish up whatever you need before someone else stops by here. Once you’re done, I’ll call in the local police and wait for them here.”

“Wait a second—what?” Sam called out.

When Spencer turned she found that everyone was looking at her. Dean turned around with her but kept his eyes on her. “What’re you talking about, Spencer? We’re not leaving you here.”

“These might’ve been angels, but the vessels were humans. Humans whose families deserve to know what happened to them.” Spencer said firmly.

Sam didn’t look the least bit reassured by that. “I agree completely, but why do you need to stay here for it? You should leave with us. We can call this in once we’re all away.”

Even before he finished, Spencer was already shaking her head. “There’s still information to be gathered her. Information that I can get. It’ll be fine, Sam.” She hesitated only a second before taking the two steps towards him and reaching up to brush her fingers along his arm. “I’m not good with the supernatural side of things. But this? This part, I know. I can help here. I can do my job. Please don’t ask me to walk away from that.”

“How are you going to justify being here?” Dean asked.

Spencer turned to smile at him. “You’re not the only ones that know how to lie.”

A snap echoed in the air and Spencer found her gun suddenly at her hip and a weight in her pocket that she was pretty sure was her credentials. She looked over at Gabriel and gave him a soft smile in thanks. The archangel smiled back in response, though his smile was just a bit more dim than normal. He moved up from Sam’s side just enough that he could reach out to catch her hand with his. “Call or pray when you’re ready for a ride back.”

“Of course.”

She really shouldn’t have been so surprised when Gabriel pulled her in and she found herself being hugged by both men at once. Apparently agreeing to give this three-way thing between them a try meant that she’d opened herself up to even more touches than they’d done before. Spencer was reminded a little of the early years of her friendship with Sam when he’d touched her almost constantly just to get her used to it so that she wouldn’t flinch each time he did it. This felt a lot like that. Then they both stepped back and Spencer watched as Gabriel snapped again and they all vanished.

Spencer took a minute to reorient herself and adjust to being in here alone. It felt strange to be here without anyone, without even one other person. The team never worked solo. They always went at least in pairs to places.

When she had herself in control, she pulled out her cell phone, only realizing as she did that she didn’t know the number to the local police here. But when she unlocked her phone she found that the dial screen was already up and a number she didn’t know was listed there.

A smile curved her lips. “Thanks, Gabriel.”

* * *

Two hours later, Spencer was more than ready to get back to the bunker and her friends and far away from the officers here. Well, some of them, at least. They hadn’t all been bad. But for the first time Spencer had some real understanding on what JJ and Emily put up with when they traveled for cases. How on earth did they deal with it? Spencer was used to a strange look or two from officers, even slightly derisive looks when people got confused as to why the FBI would put a scrawny, nerdy genius out in the field instead of behind a desk, but Spencer decided she’d rather take that a thousand times over than have to deal with people like _this_.

If one more person called her a ‘pretty little lady’ or gave her that patronizing ‘I’m better than you’ smile, she was going to scream. Loudly.

A low, drawn out whistle warned her of someone’s arrival. She tensed briefly before relaxing when the voice that spoke was a familiar one. “Wow. I think you could give Sammy a run for his money on bitchfaces right now. Was that a skill you picked up from him, or did he learn it from you back in the day?”

“Gabriel.” His name came out half exasperated and half relieved.

She opened her eyes to find that Gabriel was right beside her, looking up with concern in his eyes and a sucker hanging from his mouth. He put on his most innocent expression and held up another sucker for her. Spencer only hesitated for a second before taking it. Spending time with the trickster was truly upping her candy intake. It didn’t help that he looked so _pleased_ every time she accepted something from him.

“Ready to get out of here, sweet cheeks?” Gabriel asked, crooking his arm at her.

Spencer glared at him even as she reached out and curled her fingers around the inside of his elbow. “Do _not_ call me that.”

The world around them shifted and Spencer found herself once more standing in the bunker. They’d landed right at the long tables where the group was gathered, like they so often were, with research spread out around them.

Sam noticed their arrival first and he took in Spencer's scowl with one quick look. “Who pissed you off?”

That brought all eyes to Spencer. Ignoring them, she dropped down into the chair in front of her, putting her opposite Sam across the table. “Everyone. How on earth do JJ and Prentiss deal with this?” She pinched at the bridge of her nose and tried not to growl. “That police station was full of condescending, misogynistic alpha males who have never even _seen_ a female officer, let alone a female agent. Just because I have breasts doesn’t mean that I’m incapable of doing my job!”

The room was quiet for just a moment. Then Sam turned to lookat Dean, who was sitting two chairs to the right on Spencer's side of the table. “Maybe you better come sit on my side of the table.”

“What? Why?” Dean asked.

Gabriel snorted as he took the chair on Spencer's left, pushing back just enough to be able to kick his feet up on the table. “Maybe cause you’ve got a talent for putting your foot in your mouth. Not to mention the least likely to be sympathetic right now.”

“What, and you’re supposed to be any better?” The older Winchester shot back. Still, he pushed himself back a little, even if it was under the pretense of just relaxing back in his chair.

“So long as none of you start calling me sweetheart, or doll, or little lady, I think we’ll be fine.” Spencer told them dryly.

It was Castiel who brought their conversation back under control “Did you find out anything, Spencer?”

“Maybe.” Spencer said. With skilled practice she pushed back the annoyance she was still feeling and instead focused on what was important—the case. She pulled out her phone and, biting on her bottom lip, tried to navigate through what Penelope sent her. She was so much better with handling phones than she used to be but that didn’t mean that it was easy. It took her a moment of concentration to pull things up. As she worked, she spoke absently, her attention mostly on her phone. “I called Garcia and asked her to do a little discreet digging on the bikers for me…”

“You called in someone else?” Dean interrupted sharply.

Spencer didn’t hear the annoyance, nor see the look that Sam shot his way. She furrowed her brow and tilted her head as she watched the file load on her phone. “Mm hm. Garcia knows how to be discreet, even inside the Bureau. I wasn’t sure she’d find anything that might end up relevant, but best to have all information.”

“What’d you find?” Sam asked.

“Well, she discovered that all the victims were baptized together, if that means anything to all of you.” She looked up at them and found all eyes were focused on her. “I thought it might be relevant, considering the nature of the case.”

“Baptized?” The disbelief in Dean’s tone was clear.

“Yeah. They were a born-again biker gang.”

Dean rocked back in his chair. “Well, that is not something you hear every day.”

“It makes a bit more sense now.” Castiel said. He was sitting beside Dean, leaning forward to rest his arms on the table.

When he didn’t clarify, Gabriel raised his eyebrows at his brother. “Really, bro? Mind maybe sharing with the rest of the class?”

“On their jackets, the BB. Did you see underneath?” Castiel asked.

It was Spencer who answered him. She looked up from her phone and over to the ex-angel. “Boyle’s Boys. Is that significant?”

It must’ve been because everyone seemed to groan all at once. Sam and Dean shot each other one of those speaking looks that said a million things without saying a word. Gabriel was the one to answer her, though. “We ran across a reverend named Buddy Boyle a while back. He claims he’s preaching Dad’s word.”

“But what he’s really doing is advising people to let the angels in.” Sam finished, lip curled up a little in disgust. “He’s basically using his followers to open up vessels for the angels.

Pushing up from his chair, Dean moved over to the sidebar to pour himself a drink. “So, Boyle's at it again. Selling folks on being meat suits for angels.” He poured another drink as well and brought it over, holding it out to his brother.

Sam gratefully took the drink. “Seems like it. Just what – talking to smaller groups now?”

“I don't know. Maybe, uh, softening up thousands at a time, he wasn't able to control what angels got let in. This way, Bartholomew's followers can jump in just as soon as Boyle does his thing.”

“So the bikers were Bartholomew’s people.” Castiel said. There was a slight slump to his shoulders that worried Spencer. She watched as Castiel leaned just the smallest bit away from the others, like he was pulling himself back, drawing away from them all in a way that seemed almost subconscious.

Dean sat heavily back in his chair beside Castiel. “Yeah, and they got slaughtered, which means that this new group is even worse.” He paused and huffed. “Haven't I always said that angels are dicks?”

Two sharp glares were shot his way, and Sam and Spencer shared a brief look where they both rolled their eyes. Beside her, Spencer felt Gabriel bristle slightly. “Watch your mouth, bucko.” There was a low warning in those words that they could hear. It looked like he forcibly shut his mouth against whatever he was going to say next and instead chose to look to Spencer and Sam. “I’m going to go do some poking around. You two stay safe while I’m gone.” With no more than that, without even a snap, he was gone.

It wasn’t hard to pick up on the tension in the air after that and Spencer didn’t want to be around when it boiled over. She’d already seen what the brothers could be like when they argued. She really didn’t want to see how it turned out when they added Castiel into the mix. He was a quiet one but that didn’t mean he couldn’t have an explosive temper. She didn’t want to find out. Before anything could get going, she pushed up from her chair and pasted on a fake smile for them. “Well, I’m going to let you guys figure things out amongst yourselves. I’ve got a few things of my own that I need to take care of.” And without giving them time to say anything back, she shamelessly turned and hurried out of the room.


	13. Chapter 13

It wasn’t until breakfast the next day that everyone saw each other again. Spencer had stayed out of the way in her room for most of the night. When morning rolled around, she took the time to shower and dress before she made her way out of her room and towards the bunker kitchen in search of breakfast. She wasn’t really all that surprised to find that Castiel and Kevin of all people were already up and in the kitchen. What was surprising, and just a bit amusing, was the way the two were looking through the cupboards like they hoped something to eat would just spring out, already cooked and ready for them. Kevin, she’d heard from Sam, wasn’t exactly a great cook, and Castiel was still learning to be human in a lot of ways. Cooking was one of those.

Spencer put her hands on her hips and watched them for a long moment. Then she grinned and shook her head. “Need a little help, gentlemen?”

They both startled at the sound of her voice. Castiel – looking far too adorably sleep rumpled in sweats, a baggy t-shirt that had to have once been Dean or Sam’s, and sleep mussed hair – flushed a little when he saw her, but Kevin – who was showered and dressed for the day, like her – just grinned broadly. “Please tell me you know how to cook. We’re out of cereal and I’m _hungry_.”

“I’m not a chef or anything.” Spencer warned them. “I’m not even on par with Dean and definitely can’t compare with what I’ve seen Gabriel make. But, I can make some things.” She looked them over and shook her head again. Then she gestured with one hand. “Oh, move it. I’ll make _something_.”

As the two settled in at the table, Spencer looked through the cupboards to try and decide if she had the things needed to actually make something. They really did need to go and do some shopping, she decided, but for now there was enough to serve her purposes. She’d used to cook all the time for her mother when Diana was too sick to really worry about meals and she’d also survived on her own for years and years with college and then her life at the BAU. Cooking wasn’t all that hard and breakfast was one of the easiest meals out there. With what was in the cupboards it looked like she had all the things to make one of Mom’s favorite breakfasts.

In no time at all she had the skillet on the stove going and had the first pancake started. It’d barely been cooking when she heard Kevin making deliberate sniffing noises behind her. “Holy crap, Spencer, that smells amazing. What on earth are you making?”

“Cinnamon roll pancakes.” Spencer answered promptly. She set down the other skill she’d found and got that one going too. It was easier to make a bunch when she could get multiple skillets going. The pancakes were sand-dollar size and wouldn’t take too long to cook up, thankfully. She knew that as soon as the smell started to spread it wouldn’t take long before a certain hunter would come investigating. IN the meantime, she could get as many made as possible, and prepare for everyone to come out. A look over her shoulder showed both boys still sitting at the table. “Kevin, why don’t you get out dishes and set the table? I’ll make plenty enough for everyone. Castiel, would you mind gathering the oranges out of the fridge for me? I think I’ll set some of them out to go with this. Just pancakes isn’t enough. And see if there’s some bacon in there or the freezer, maybe?”

By the time that Spencer had the first batch of pancakes done, the table had been set and Castiel and Kevin had just finished peeling and separating the oranges. Kevin was setting them on the table and Castiel was starting to make a fresh pot of coffee when Dean came stumbling into the room, dressed but still sleepy looking. Not even five steps behind him were Sam and then Gabriel. All of them were sniffing. Seeing it had Spencer grinning. _Predictable_.

“Whatever that is smells like Heaven.” Dean declared, eying her at the stove and the settings at the table.

Spencer turned to smile at him only to find herself swept up in Sam’s big arms and actually lifted a few inches off the ground in a bear-hug that had her both protesting and laughing. “Crack-cakes!” He said with a laugh, followed almost immediately by a loud and fast kiss that made Spencer's head spin before she was set back down.

Embarrassment colored her cheeks and it only deepened when Gabriel stepped up and slipped his arm around her waist, snuggling sideways into her. He gave her lips a quick peck and then settled his head against her shoulder while looking at the stove. “What on earth are crack-cakes?” He asked her, leaning in just enough to look as she reached out with the spatula to flip one of the pancakes.

“Crack-cakes are what Jess used to call them.” Sam answered for her. He didn’t flinch when he said her name, just smiled fondly, and it made the others smile as well. Sam didn’t often share memories of her. But he shared this one now while he leaned against the counter near the stove and waited for the coffee to brew. “They’re really what Spencer calls cinnamon roll pancakes, but we could never get her to tell us what she puts in them that makes them taste so good, so Jess always joked it as just a shot of early-morning crack.” His smile grew just a little more fond. “She was always a smart ass like that.”

Gabriel beamed at him. “Sounds like my kind of gal.”

Moving to flip the other pancake, though never breaking away from the smaller man at her side, Spencer smiled as well. “You would’ve liked her. And I think she would’ve liked you.” Then her smile turned to a grin and she gave Gabriel a light squeeze. “Now, go sit down, or you won’t get to try any. I’m not having you up here stealing them. Nor you, Sam Winchester!” She added that last part when she saw Sam’s hand reaching out towards the plate on the counter. Behind her, she heard Dean smothering a laugh and she turned to give him a look, one she’d given Sam plenty of times when he thought he was being funny, and it was rather amusing to see how quickly the older Winchester smothered his giggles. Huh. Well _that_ was a handy trick to have. It must’ve had something to do with being a female. Spencer had noticed certain looks women had worked so much better than when a man tried it. Nice to figure one out that worked in her favor.

Gabriel very reluctantly broke away from her and joined Sam, the duo moving to the table that Gabriel had snapped a little larger the other day when he decided there wasn’t enough room for everyone there. When Spencer brought the tub of butter and the plate of pancakes over a moment later everyone was seated and eyeing her like they hadn’t eaten in days. She set the plate down and snorted at them when Dean and Sam both almost dove for the stack.

Still, as she turned to head back over to the stove she couldn’t help but smile. Was this what a family felt like? Nice easy mornings in a warm kitchen with the smell of food and the sound of people’s voices and laughter all around her? Spencer set the next pancakes on to cook and hummed a little under her breath while she listened to the happy sounds that came from the table. “Holy shit.” Dean said, voice muffled most likely from being spoken around a mouth full of food. “These are _delicious_.”

“These are indeed wonderful.” Castiel echoed him. “You are a talented cook, Spencer.”

She flushed and kept her focus on the skillets in front of her. “It’s pancakes, Castiel. Anyone can make pancakes – anyone except Sam.”

There was loud laughter at that and Sam didn’t even bother letting out an indignant ‘hey!’ in protest. When she looked over at him, he was grinning and shrugging with a look on his face that said ‘What can you do?’ “They always made for really great saucers, though.” He pointed out.

A low laugh bubbled from Spencer as the memory washed over her. She couldn’t keep from grinning. “Oh, man. Do you remember the time we put them up on the blades of the fan?”

Sam’s deeper laugh joined her soft one. “I thought Jess was gonna kill us.”

Still snickering, Spencer flipped the pancakes and then turned back towards the table. Everyone was looking back and forth between them and she had no trouble sharing this story. “So, as you probably guessed Sam tried to make us pancakes once. I was sleeping over on the couch after finals and Sam was trying to make pancakes to, I don’t know, try and kill me or something…”

“Shut up!” Sam interrupted, laughing and jabbing a fork towards her. “I was trying to do something nice, you _ass_.” He turned back to the others who were all watching and grinning. “Ignore her. I was totally trying to be a nice guy cause she’d gotten herself so stressed out during finals she’d lost at least eight pounds, and she was already underweight, so Jess and I were going to try and fatten her up while she was staying with us. I thought I’d start with a big breakfast. Pancakes, sausage, the works.”

“Yeah, except Sam here is capable of mixing up the most complicated spell and having it come off without a hitch, but you hand him pancake batter and he somehow manages to make rocks each and every time.” Spencer teased him. She slipped off the finished pancakes and added the last of the batter while she continued to talk. “I woke up to the smell of burning pancakes and the sound of Sam cursing. Of course I hopped up to help. Somehow we managed to get it taken care of before the smoke detector went off…”

“…thank God, cause Jess was a bear when she got woken up too early…”

“…and we were left with this plate of mostly burned, rock hard pancakes that you probably could’ve used as a weapon.” Spencer smirked as she brought the fresh pancakes over and added them to the platter on the table. “Trust me, I know. Sam threw one to me and I was lucky it didn’t bruise.”

“I don’t remember how we got the bright idea to put them on the fan blades.” Sam said.

Spencer pointed the spatula at him. “That was all you.”

He didn’t even bother protesting. Grinning, he said “I blame Dean’s influence,” which just made the older Winchester laugh and smirk proudly.

Chuckling, Spencer shook her head. “Anyways. We put them up there and Sam went over and flipped the switch to turn on it at the same instant that Jess came walking in.”

“Oh no.” Kevin said, laughing, while Gabriel started to laugh as well, leaning against Sam’s side, and Dean was chuckling. Even Castiel had a small smile.

Sam gave a theatrical wince. “Laugh all you want. One of them came right off the thing and clocked her right _here_ ,” He lifted a hand and rubbed his finger across his forehead in a line. “Almost knocked her out. She bumped back, hit the wall, and knocked down a picture of us at the beach.”

“Jess was stunned, I was frozen, Sam looked like a deer caught in the headlights, and we had all this other stuff broken around us from the other pancakes.” Spencer told them while she went back to the stove.

“It was supposed to be a contest.” Sam felt the need to defend them, like it made it better. Really it only made them sound worse. Gabriel was laughing so hard now he could barely breathe. “Contest?” he choked out. “How is that a c-contest?”

“I wanted to see if we could make it into the garbage can, or onto the table.” Sam said. He grinned as Gabriel’s laughter grew.

“Oh man, I bet she was ready to _kill_ you two.” Dean said a bit gleefully.

Smugness radiated from Spencer. She heard Sam snort and knew what look he’d be wearing even without looking. “Are you kidding me?” Sam asked, voice dry. “Jess, mad at _Spencer_? She never got mad at him. No, instead she bent down, picked up the pancake, looked at it, and threw it at _me_.”

As she began to clean up her mess, Spencer laughed lightly. The memory was a wonderful one and it felt good to look back on it. “Somehow that ended up with other things flying as well. You guys were still finding random bits of jelly on the walls and such by the time I left.” It only took a moment more before she had things soaking in water and was drying off her hands. When she turned back around, she found a few faces looking her way, though Dean was still busy teasing the hell out of Sam and Kevin was happily helping. Spencer smiled at both Castiel and Gabriel. “I’ll get the dishes when I get back if no one wants to do them, so feel free to leave them there.”

That was enough to draw attention back up to her. “When you get back?” Sam repeated. “Where’re you going?”

“I was hoping I might be able to borrow one of the cars in the garage. I’d like to head into town and pick up a few things.” She wanted to start preparing herself somewhat for what life was going to be like when she went back to work and there wasn’t a whole lot of time in which to do it. That meant she had to know how to act in public, had to make sure she could do okay when around other people, and it also meant that she was going to have to do some shopping. Because as nice as the clothes that Gabriel had given her were, she needed things that she could wear to work. There hadn’t been anything like that in the clothes he’d snapped up.

“Why don’t you wait a bit, join us for breakfast, an we’ll take you in once we’re done?” Sam suggested.

Gabriel beamed at the idea. “Yeah! We’ll do some shopping, stop off somewhere nice for lunch. It’ll be great!”

There was no way that Spencer could resist the two faces smiling at her. She looked at them and knew that her expression softened a little. Going into town with them sounded nice. She wasn’t a fan of shopping and it would be easier with other people there. Besides, spending time with either of them wasn’t a hardship. She just hadn’t wanted to ask them to come, assuming they’d be busy after yesterday’s events. But, if they were offering, “If you want, you’re more than welcome. I’d enjoy the company.”

“Of course.” Sam said easily. “We’d love it, Spencer.”

“Wonderful.” She knew she was blushing and ducked her head a little to hide it. “I’ll just, um, I’ll meet you guys in the garage in about… fifteen minutes. I just need to go and get some things together.” Before anyone could comment on her blush, or let loose the teasing comments she could see building – Dean, of course, was grinning and looked extremely ready to start teasing her – she turned and hurried from the room.

The whole way down to her room she tried to calm herself down. It wasn’t like this was a _date_ or anything like that. They were just going shopping with her. No one had said the word ‘date’, so there was no reason to be nervous, right? Right.

She wished the butterflies in her stomach would agree with that.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know you think I forgot about this (and I did for a little while!) but here's this. :D One more left after this, an it's gonna be a bit... smutty. ;)

It was utterly ridiculous and probably slightly pathetic but Spencer took a little extra time to try and find something semi decent to wear before she met up with the boys. The jeans she’d pulled on _might’ve_ been the ones that Gabriel and Sam had both complimented her on. Not that she did it because of that, of course. Oh, no. They were comfortable and she was going to be walking around, after all. And if her shirt fit a little snug compared to normal, well, she wore it mainly because it had the Serenity on the front of it and who didn’t love a good Firefly reference?

She was absurdly grateful that neither man said anything about the fact that she was wearing different clothes than before. It also might’ve stroked her ego just the slightest bit to see that they’d dressed rather nice as well. Not dressy, not fancy, nothing like that. Just, nice. The jeans Sam wore were one of her favorite pairs on him; worn, with a spot near the knee that was really starting to fade, and hugging him in all the right spots. He had on a regular t-shirt, too, just a nice green one, and only one flannel on over it. Gabriel was in jeans as well, which fit just as nicely as Sam’s did, and a red shirt over which he wore his usual canvas jacket. No real special clothes, yet still, they looked nice.

“You ready?” Sam asked in way of greeting when she reached them.

Tucking a bit of her hair behind her ear, Spencer smiled at the two. “As ready as one can be for a day of shopping.”

That had both boys laughing at her. Their smiles and laughter eased a bit of her nerves and she found herself relaxing a little as they steered her over towards the truck she knew they tended to use for supply runs. There was a cover on the back and plenty of space to haul just about anything they might pick up. As Gabriel opened the door and held out a hand to assist her inside, grinning all the while, she had a feeling they’d chosen it for more than just the storage space. She highly doubted it was by accident that they ended up in a vehicle that put her smack dab in the middle of them instead of in the backseat like she’d be in some other car.

Still, she had to admit it was nice. As they pulled away from the bunker and out onto the main road, Sam’s arm ended up around her shoulders, his fingers idly playing with some of Gabriel’s hair, and Gabriel talked animatedly the entire time, his hands getting into his story almost as much as Spencer's tended to. The stories he told were easy, laughing things that kept them entertained and had Spencer laughing until her cheeks hurt and she was half collapsed against him trying to breathe.

It made the whole drive a lot quicker than Spencer had anticipated. She was surprised when Sam said “All right, where were you looking to head to first?” and she looked up to find that they were already in town. A town further than she’d intended. A look around finally showed her a sign that let her know they were in Grand Island, Nebraska, which was a little over an hour away.

She looked back at Sam with surprise and found him grinning at her. “It was a nice drive. Plus, the stores here aren’t too bad.”

“I don’t know my way around this town.”

“Why don’t we hit the mall then, Sammy?” Gabriel suggested, leaning around Spencer to look at the hunter. “They’ve got plenty enough stores there. What is it you’re looking for, sweetheart? Anything in particular, or were you just wanting to shop?”

That set Sam off, his laughter echoing in the car. Spencer elbowed him and tried to glare. It was hard to when he was laughing so happily, though. “Oh, man.” Sam wheezed out, still chuckling a bit as he stopped at a stop light. He turned that grin towards Gabriel. “Spencer doesn’t shop unless she has to. There’re too many people for her tastes. If she didn’t hate technology so much, she’d probably order everything online and take away the need to ever go out in public.”

“I’m not that bad!” Spencer insisted.

Still laughing, Sam leaned in and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek before he had to turn his attention back to the road as the light turned green. “You are, but that’s all right. Gabe more than makes up for it. He can shop enough for all three of us.”

“Hey!”

The friendly bickering carried over until they were parked at the mall and starting to make their way across the parking lot. Spencer didn’t think anything of it as she stepped aside and Sam slipped his arm around Gabriel’s shoulders. That was the way it was supposed to be, after all. What she hadn’t expected, what honestly surprised her, was when Gabriel took her hand. Then Sam grinned at her over Gabriel’s head. “You know, I think I like this.”

“Like what?” Spencer and Gabriel both asked.

The hunter winked at Spencer and then looked down at Gabriel. “You, stuck in the middle like this. Makes it easier to keep you from running off. You’re too nice to drag Spencer off the way you do me.”

Spencer's laughter mixed in with the sound of Sam’s grunt as Gabriel elbowed him. The trio was all smiling, however, as they made their way inside, even if the amount of people that were in the mall was enough to have Spencer shifting ever so slightly towards Gabriel. He didn’t seem bothered by it. He gave her hand a squeeze and then grinned at her. “All right, Princess. You never said what exactly it is that we’re here for. What’re you looking for? This place has a little bit of everything.”

“I need… work clothes.” Spencer chewed on her bottom lip and looked out at them from behind her bangs. She felt just a bit guilty, like maybe she should’ve mentioned this on the way in instead of just springing it on them. But neither man looked all that surprised by her words. Sam was smiling at her in that gentle way of his that let people know that he understood. It was an expression that she imagined had eased many a victim while he was interviewing them.

Gabriel nodded his head at her like he’d expected her words as well. “There are a few places we can look in here. You’d need something that works for both the office and the field. Professional but comfortable.”

“No skirts.” Spencer said quickly.

The archangel flashed her a grin. “Yeah, yeah. Fun as it might be to watch, I didn’t figure you’d want to chase down bad guys in one. I think I know just the store to start in, though. C’mon!”

* * *

Shopping with Gabriel was quite the experience. It was also one that Spencer was quite sure she wasn’t going to be repeating any time soon. Not that being out and about with him and Sam was a bad thing – she had fun with them, talking and laughing – she just wasn’t built to keep up with someone like him. He enjoyed the crowds and the clothes and the trips to the dressing room and things like that. Spencer didn’t. She was much more content when they were in the dressing rooms and there was no one in sight.

Though she had to admit, there was something kind of nice about trying on the clothes that Gabriel gave her and stepping out to see the looks on the faces of her two men.

Mostly they stuck to what was appropriate. Slacks, button up shirts, a few blouses, some blazers. A few of those wide strapped tank tops that she’d seen Emily put on under a blazer when the weather was warm. Plus, a few more vests. Changing genders hadn’t changed Spencer's style. She still liked close to the same thing. It was just how she dressed. Being female shouldn’t change that. So, despite how Sam chuckled and rolled his eyes, she tossed in a tie or two just because she could, as well as a sweater vest that she’d found soft and quite comfortable.

Once they found plenty of clothes that fit her, Gabriel dragged her into a shoe store. Spencer swore afterwards that he had to have used his mojo on her somehow. There was no other explanation as to why she ended up attempting to walk in a pair of high heels. Logically, she knew it was a disaster waiting to happen. She knew it, Sam knew it – hell, Gabriel probably knew it too, the little shit. But still Spencer found herself in a pair of heels that Gabriel had picked out. She managed more steps than she’d thought she would – which, honestly, was any at all – before the heel rolled under her and she went tumbling down.

Luckily for her Sam had been prepared for that. His arms were there in a flash and Spencer found herself caught up against his chest. When she looked up, hands going to his shoulders to brace herself, she found him grinning down at her. “I’m starting to see the appeal of you in heels.”

Color filled Spencer’s cheeks. “Be quiet.”

She managed on a few good pairs of what Gabriel called ‘business flats’. Well, really, he called them ‘boring ass flats suitable for looking like an FBI tightwad’, but it meant the same thing. She also got a few pairs of boots. They were comfortable and would be easy to run in, an important thing for work.

By the time they were out of there, Spencer was ready to go to lunch and unafraid of making that known. “No more shopping.” She told them firmly. “Why don’t we go find something to eat?”

Gabriel looked like he was going to say something - something teasing, no doubt, judging by the twinkle in his eyes – but a hand lightly touching his arm stopped him. Sam gave a small head shake when Gabriel looked at him. It was a small, quiet little conversation between them; one that yet again showed the connection she swore was almost visible between them sometimes. If there were ever two beings meant to be together, these two were it. They were so connected in so many ways she couldn’t help but wonder how on earth they managed to make room for her.

They turned to her, the both of them smiling, and Sam reached out to curl his arm around her shoulders and tug her in against his side, away from the crowds. At the same time, Gabriel slipped around them and came up on her other side, snuggling down under _her_ arm without any hesitation, not the least bit bothered by their height difference. “There’s a really good Chinese place across the parking lot.” Gabriel told them, curling his arm around her waist. “It’s got some semi private seats in there and pretty good food.” His hand settled on her hip, right by Sam, and she felt a little wiggle that, when she looked down, she realized was from Gabriel hooking his middle finger into Sam’s belt loop.

The two were bracketing her between them and sheltering her from the rush of people around them that had been steadily getting to her during their trip. Sam knew her well enough to know that she really didn’t like crowds like this. She never had. Whether he’d shared that thought with Gabriel or they’d just read one another well enough, they were both responding to that nervousness in her now and sheltering her between them while at the same time offering her a way out of here with her dignity intact.

Spencer couldn’t help how she smiled. “That sounds really nice.”

The trio stayed linked together as they made their way out of the mall.

* * *

Spencer was feeling relaxed enough by the time they got to the restaurant that she didn’t even mind the strange looks they got for being so wrapped around one another. However, when the hostess led them to a booth back in the corner and Spencer saw the two men preparing to grumble about their seating, which would allow two to be side-by-side and once forced to sit across from them, she chuckled and shook her head. “Sit over there.” She instructed them both, nudging them to the other side of the booth. “I’ll be fine sitting by myself.” The bit of space would do her good. She didn’t seem to think as clearly when they were touching her. Besides, it’d be easier to have the conversation she knew they had to have if she was able to look at them both.

When it looked like they were going to protest, she solved it by simply ducking under Sam’s arm and sliding down into the booth seat that she wanted. She didn’t scoot over, opting instead to set her bag next to her, and then she looked up at them with a very clear expression of ‘Well?’ on her face.

It earned her an eyeroll from Sam and a chuckle from Gabriel. Still, the two sat down opposite her, Gabriel on the inside and Sam with his long legs on the outside.

Their waitress came next and took their drink orders while handing out their menus. Spencer contemplated for a moment before she went ahead and ordered a fruity margarita. She ignored the amused look that Sam gave her and opted instead to smile at Gabriel. “You want to know one of the nice things about being female?” She cast a look at Sam, who was still smirking a little at her, and ignored the waitress to just grin at Gabriel. “You don’t have to order a beer and pretend it tastes good simply to protect your image of masculinity. You can order something that actually _tastes good_ and it considered socially acceptable.”

The waitress made a small choked sound that Spencer had a feeling was a smothered laugh. She lost control of it, however, when Gabriel grinned and declared “Forget that! I don’t conform to gender norms anyways.” Turning, he winked at the waitress. “Give me what she’s having, only with a bit more fruit, an your best beer for our macho man over here.”

Amusement danced in the woman’s eyes as she jotted down their drink orders. “Those’ll be out to you soon. I’ll come check back in a bit to see if you’re ready to order.”

As she walked away, Sam gave the two gigglers at the table a dry look. “Aren’t you two just hilarious.”

“Problems, Samuel?” Spencer asked innocently, folding her arms on the table and bending forward to lean on them.

His eyes twinkled as he looked her over, his gaze lingering just a moment longer on her chest before rising up to her eyes. “There will be if you continue to call me Samuel.”

“Ooh, touchy.” Gabriel teased him.

Their teasing continued on after their drinks arrived and melted into easy conversation as they ordered and then ate their food. Spencer relaxed down into the seat as they talked. Talking with Sam had always been easy for her and she was finding that talking with Gabriel was just as easy. Sometimes she just ate while the two of them talked – Sam was entertaining Gabriel with college stories that the man probably already knew, but enjoyed and laughed at anyways – and sometimes she gave her own input. They let her fall silent when she wanted but made sure to always keep her in the conversation. She never felt like an outsider with them. Not once had they given her that feeling today.

By the time their food was done and they were on their second round of drinks, all of them were relaxed. Spencer judged it was probably the best time she was going to get to have the conversation she’d wanted to have today.

“So,” she said, as conversation fell into a lull. “There’s something I was hoping to talk with you guys about.”

That got both their attention. It was kind of nice and just a bit uncomfortable how they both immediately turned their focus straight to her. She’d never had anyone who listened as intently as they did, like there was nothing more important to them. It felt good but it also felt odd. Something she wasn’t quite used to. “What’s up?” Sam asked.

Spencer had debated how to say this off and on all day. In the end, she decided that blunt was the best way to go. “I think I’m ready to go back to work.” When they both just continued to look at her, saying nothing, she shrugged a little and dropped her gaze down to her drink. “You guys have a lot on your plates here and you need to be able to focus on it. This thing you guys are working on, it’s big. Really big. And you both know, I’m a liability. This kind of fight isn’t something I’m good at. I’d get in the way and I’d distract you. Besides, I… I need to get back to work. To my friends. I need to, to _do_ something again instead of just sitting around researching all the time. I’m not built to be still. I, miss my job and my friends.”

“I thought you might be getting ready.” Sam said slowly. When she looked up at him with surprise, he smiled in a gentle sort of way. “You’re not built to be inactive. None of us are. We understand that.”

“We knew you’d want to go back soon.” Gabriel chimed in.

Their easy acceptance loosened some of the tension that had balled up in her gut. Not all of it, but enough for her to get out the next words, the ones that weren’t as easy for her to say. “I’d like to… that is, I mean.” Pausing, she cleared her throat. “I don’t want you to think that I’m walking away from… this.” She gestured with one hand between the three of them.

The grin that Gabriel gave her made even more of that tension fade. As did his next words. “I already told Sammy back when we first talked about this – distance isn’t a problem, Princess. I can fly anywhere in the blink of an eye. What we have between us doesn’t have to stop just because you go home. You can call us and talk with us anytime, an all you have to do is ask and I’ll be there in a flash.”

“We want this to work, Spencer, and we’re willing to do what it takes to make it.” Sam said.

“Are you set on going back now?” Gabriel asked. “Or would you be willing to wait until tomorrow? Best as I can tell, the spell should be finished by tonight. There’s just a tiny touch of it left in you.”

Spencer thought about it for a moment. “I can wait until tomorrow.” That wasn’t that difficult a request.

Their answering smiles made it very much worth it. “Good.” Gabriel said. The way he smiled, the way he flashed a quick look over to Sam, told her that there was something else there, something that the archangel had planned. She found that she didn’t quite mind. She wasn’t worried about it.

Warmth filled Spencer. She looked at the two of them, these two men who were smiling at her, who were looking at her like she was something important, something special, and she felt just a bit of her fear fade away. There was still a part of her that worried that maybe going back home might change this. That they might not want to do things with her long distance or that it might not be able to work. That part of her was the one that whispered that she shouldn’t be with them, that she wasn’t good enough, that she shouldn’t get between the two. But for the first time in her life Spencer absolutely refused to let her insecurities rule her. They cared about her and she cared about them. The rest, they would figure out.

That thought was both exhilarating and terrifying.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so it took longer than I thought, and I had to break it up into two chapters instead of one. Here you go!

Spencer spent the ride back to the bunker in silence. There was a lot for her to think about, things to plan and take care of, and she knew that logically she should’ve been sitting there thinking about all of them. She should’ve been making plans and thinking about who to call and what to do to start getting certain affairs in order.

Instead, her thoughts were caught up in the man whose arm was around her shoulder, and the one who had managed to curl up almost impossibly in his seat and had laid his head in her lap. Gabriel was lighter than Spencer had expected, though she would deny having thought about it at all. Still, it was a pleasant feeling, and it allowed her access to his hair. She stroked her fingers through it and let her nails scratch ever so slightly at his scalp. It seemed to be something he liked. Spencer wasn’t sure if angels could actually sleep or not, but it sure seemed like Gabriel was at the moment.

Sam chuckled when he saw what she was doing. “He’ll never move as long as you keep that up.”

Smiling, Spencer just snuggled into Sam’s embrace and let her fingers continue their motions. She found the gesture to be soothing for herself as well. It became a sort of absent thing as she let her thoughts begin to wander.

What she was building here with these two boys, it was the start of something that seemed almost too good to be true. Something that had the potential to be amazing. She loved Sam – she had always loved him. She always would. He was her best friend, the person who knew her better than anyone else in the world, the one who had stood by her through so many different things and never let it chase him away, never let it change his opinions of her. He'd known her at her best and worst and had still always been there for her. He'd always liked her; even the parts that no one else had.

With Gabriel – it wasn't love, not yet. Spencer didn't love quickly or easily. But she could admit that she'd grown to care for him far more than she'd anticipated. And if things continued on this way, she could see that caring growing into quite a bit more. Honestly, it scared her a little, because it was kind of fast, just how important he was becoming to her. Not just because he was connected to Sam, either. But because he was him.

These two men had wormed their way in together to a place that before had only housed a select few. They were starting to matter to her in a way she wasn't sure she was going to be able to come back from. Spencer knew she was getting in too deep. She knew that if things went sour it was going to hurt her more than anything else ever had. It would _break_ her. Yet she couldn't walk away from it. If anything, she was holding on to it with both hands tighter than she'd ever held on to anything before.

Looking down at the head in her lap, she smiled slightly to herself. It was worth it. Whatever happened, it was worth it. She just hoped there was something left of her when all this was said and done.

They'd been taking things nice and slow for her and she appreciated that more than she could say. But if she was going back tomorrow, if this was her last night here with them for who knew how long, Spencer wanted something to take home with her. She wanted something to hold on to during the cold nights. Something to remember if this distance between them convinced them that they didn't want her in their lives anymore. The question was, could she be brave enough to do it? Could she be brave enough to make that first move?

* * *

Those thoughts stayed in Spencer's head once she was back at the bunker. They danced and circled and turned round and round in her mind while they unloaded her things into her room and as they left her alone to unpack it all and start to pack up the rest of her stuff. Gabriel had offered to just snap it all into suitcases for her, but she declined. She wanted the time alone to think. To plan.

Spencer didn't pack up everything. First of all, she didn't need all of it, and some of the clothes hadn't ever even been worn. Second of all, she thought it might be nice to leave a few things here. Sam had quietly told her before he left her alone that this room would stay hers for whenever she came here. The warm feeling that gave her had her blushing and smiling at him.

By the time she had all of her stuff put away and most all of it packed up, she'd talked herself in and out of the whole thing at least seven times.

Sighing, Spencer ran a hand through her hair and then shook her head. This was stupid. It wasn't like it was something huge. It wasn't like it was anything she hadn't already done with Sam before! Granted, it was a different body, but that didn't really change more than basic mechanics, did it? The feelings inside were still the same even if the physical feelings were going to be slightly different. To be honest, the idea of figuring out this body on her own was kind of intimidating. But having Sam show her? That... that was surprisingly calming. He'd take care of her, she knew. He'd make sure she got things figured out and understood without stress or pressure or mockery. There might be humor, sure. They'd had humor in bed plenty of times. But there'd be compassion and understanding and those were the most important things. Something inside of her told her that Gabriel would be the same.

All she had to do was get past these stupid nerves and she'd be fine.

With that firm admonition echoing in her mind, she grabbed a fresh set of clothes and headed in to take a shower.

* * *

Twenty minutes later Spencer emerged from her room freshly showered and dressed casually in a pair of shorts and the flannel that she'd snagged when she'd run from them the other day. It had ended up in her room after she'd been poured into bed that night and Spencer didn't plan on giving it back. She knew it was Sam's. That wasn't hard to tell, considering the size. Wearing his clothes had always been a comfort to her. She also knew it was something that Sam enjoyed. To her, the outfit looked ridiculous, though it was comfortable. But she had a feeling that the boys' enjoyment would more than make up for her discomfort.

The way that Gabriel looked at her as she came into the kitchen only proved that point. It did Spencer's ego a world of good to see his eyes widen briefly when they landed on her. His pupils dilated, his nostrils flared, and he turned himself fully towards her and away from the counter when he caught sight of her. The profiler in Spencer recognized all those signs and logged them away.

"Well, look at you." Gabriel greeted her warmly. He held a hand out and Spencer only blushed a little before she took it, letting him pull her in. The kiss he gave was soft and sweet. It was still a surprise, something she wasn't quite used to, but something she thought she could get used to with enough time. His eyes twinkled a little as they traveled down the length of her and then back up to her face. "You look good enough to eat, Princess."

Over at the table, Dean made a low gagging noise, drawing Spencer's attention to the fact that not only was Dean in the room, so was Castiel. "Dude," Dean drawled out, glaring at them. "There are other people in here."

The grin Gabriel gave showed the trickster that Spencer had only ever really heard about. He held up his free hand like he was going to snap. "I can fix that."

"Be nice." Spencer said, shaking her head. She hesitated just a second, a little awkward and a bit unsure, and then leaned in a little more so that she was against Gabriel's side instead of separated by those few tiny inches.

Immediately he leaned in to her and let go of her hand, drawing his arm around her waist instead. His other hand, however, lowered, no longer threatening to snap. Amused eyes found hers and his smile shifted back into something a lot more friendly. "Only for you, Princess.”

Once more Dean started to gag.

Gabriel slanted a look at Spencer, one eyebrow arching, and the bit of imp inside her had her lips curving up ever so slightly. Her look was both amused and fond as she gave a miniscule nod. She’d already saved Dean once – she wasn’t going to do it again. He knew the risks of screwing around with the trickster. It was his own fault.

The grin Gabriel wore grew wide and pleased as he once more lifted his hand. This time, Spencer didn’t stop him as he snapped and Dean and Castiel both vanished.

Unable to help herself, Spencer let her smile grow. “Where’d you send them?”

“A motel in town.” Gabriel said. “One room, king sized bed. I even gave them a gift package.” His eyes were twinkling with mirth and he looked so damn proud of himself. There was no way Spencer could remark on what he’d done. Most likely Sam would have something to say about it. As funny as he found Gabriel’s pranks, when it involved his brother he tended to get a bit more up in arms about some things. It was likely Dean would call him and then Sam would come in here and give Gabriel grief over what he’d done. The least Spencer could do was not give him the same grief.

“You’re rather devious, has anyone told you that?” She asked, as she leaned in towards Gabriel, turning herself so that she was better pressed to him. In response he wrapped both arms around her waist, so she lifted her own and wrapped them around his neck. It felt oddly, right. The analytical part of her mind logged away all the little differences between him and Sam. She was used to Sam’s hold; the feel of his arms, the press of his body, the shape of him. Gabriel was different. He was softer, not as much muscle mass to his weight, giving him just the right feel against her. His arms were looped almost gently around her yet there was a strength that she knew sat in them, one that could hold her down or keep her from moving, though he’d never turned that strength her way. Not in a negative sense.

There was something in Gabriel’s eyes, some sort of light she didn’t quite recognize but found strangely appealing. “It’s been said a time or two.” He tilted his head up at the same time that he tugged her in a little more.

His hands felt smaller, too. She noted that when one of them settled into the small of her back, his thumb idly stroking.

Spencer stared down at him and the nerves that she’d felt before tried to flare up again. She forced them back down. She was _not_ going to let herself get that nervous about this. Repeating that reminder over and over, Spencer kept her calm, watching Gabriel curiously as she pressed herself in a bit more deliberately this time, meaning to bring their bodies closer together in a move she was quite a bit more familiar with as a male. Being female made it interesting. Their height difference made it even more interesting in a way she hadn’t quite anticipated, though. Even with her barefoot, she still stood a bit over him, and her arms being up around his neck had already served to push her chest up a bit. When she leaned in, it only pushed it up even more.

Not that Gabriel was complaining. Nor did he bother hiding it when he looked down. Instead, he did it rather deliberately, letting his eyes travel down her neck to the gap in her shirt where just a bit of cleavage was showing, and then back up to her face again to lock right back onto her eyes. Then he gave a small, very heated smirk, utterly unashamed of himself. That kind of confidence was something Spencer hadn’t realized she would find so appealing. “Hello there, beautiful.”

“You’re entirely shameless.” Spencer felt the need to point out.

She was rewarded with a laugh. “Oh, sweetheart, you have _no_ idea.”

Spencer had known that Gabriel would take the bait if she put it out there. It was just, she hadn’t expected him to take it quite so thoroughly. Before she could do more than smile down at him, he flattened his hand in the small of her back and used that hold to pull her in as close as possible, their bodies now flush together, and when Spencer gasped from the abrupt shift and the sensations it sent through her, Gabriel took full advantage and captured her mouth with his in a kiss that sent heat arrowing down her spine. Her toes curled and she lost any pretense of trying to regain her balance from being jerked forward. Instead, she let herself melt into him, trusting him to hold her weight, to keep her steady. It was a show of trust that wasn’t lost on her companion and only served to make him moan softly into their kiss.

They broke only for a second and then Spencer was leaning back in, wanting more. She felt Gabriel’s tongue against the seam of her lips and she parted them with a soft sigh.

The higher functions in Spencer's brain felt like they’d shut off. She couldn’t think about anything beyond the hand holding her in place, the feel of the body she was pressed against, and the lips and tongue that were thoroughly taking her apart.

She was so caught up in it, she didn’t hear anyone else come in the kitchen. She didn’t notice anything outside of Gabriel until a large hand settled on her hip and another hand reached past her other side to grasp Gabriel’s hip. Spencer almost startled, sucking in a sharp breath in surprise and pulling back from Gabriel’s kiss, only her words turned into a soft little moan as a very familiar body pressed against the back of her and trapped her perfectly between the both of them. “Talk about one hell of a sight to walk in to.” Sam murmured, bending his head low and nuzzling in past her hair until he could tease his lips over that spot just below her ear. Spencer made it easier by tipping her head, granting him access.

She felt Gabriel let out an amused huff of air right against her lips. “You watched for long enough first.”

He had? Spencer tried to tilt her head a little more so that she could look back at him without breaking completely away. What she found was a pair of hazel eyes full of amusement. “At least one of you knew I was there.” Sam’s hand slid off her hip and between her and Gabriel, pressing his palm against her stomach and rubbing ever so lightly with his thumb. His eyes turned to meet Gabriel’s instead of hers. “She’s a shy one, but once she’s into it she tends to forget the rest of the world exists."

"Sounds perfect to me." Gabriel murmured. His voice was lower, huskier, and it sent shivers down Spencer's spine.

A hint of embarrassment tried to worm its way in and Spencer made as if to duck her head, only to be stopped by a quick kiss from Gabriel. "Oh, no," He breathed out against her lips, his own lips curving up happily. "Don't go hiding now."

Spencer had to remind herself that this had all been a part of her plan. This was what she wanted. She wanted the two of them together with her. She wanted this. Just, now that it was here, now that she'd have to actually say the words, she wasn't sure she could. She wasn't good at this part of things. She never had been. Sam was her only real frame of reference and that was different. Even though he was here right now, this whole situation was different.

Luckily for her, Sam knew her quite well. "Why don't we take this somewhere a little more comfortable?"

The snap of fingers was unexpected. Nowhere near as unexpected as appearing suddenly in what she knew had to be Sam and Gabriel’s room. The two of them were written all over the room that her wide eyes traveled around. She didn’t get much of a chance to look at it. Sam gave her a gentle squeeze and Gabriel brought his hands up to hold cradle her face and force her to look right at him. Those amber eyes were like pools of liquid amber, heated and absolutely _gorgeous_. “Spencer.” The sound of her name on his lips brought another shiver down her spine. He wasn’t done, though. In that same husky voice, he asked her “Are you sure about this? No games, no pretenses. We all know where this is heading, but I need to know that you want this. I need to hear it.”

Consent. He was asking her for consent. Some of the tension inside of Spencer uncoiled at that simple request. She had no idea if he knew just how much those words meant to her. Maybe Sam had said something, or maybe he just _knew_. Whatever it was she was beyond grateful for it. Her heart soared and she could feel it as her face softened into something that was open and exposed and honest – something only Sam had ever seen from her. “I want this. I want you guys, both of you. I want to be here.”

The smile he gave her was so gorgeous it stole her breath away. What little breath she had left was lost when he kissed her.

Then, to her complete surprise, both of them broke away from her and left her standing there on legs that were just a little bit shaky. She looked at Sam, who was stepping up to Gabriel’s side, then back to the archangel, her gaze confused. She’d just told them that she wanted them – why were they leaving? What were they doing?

“Don’t worry, Spencer.” Sam smiled at her reassuringly. “We’re not going anywhere. We just have something we want to suggest before we get any further.”

They didn’t give her time to wonder what they meant. Before she could even open her mouth, Gabriel continued on for them and she was left stunned once more. “The spell worked quicker than I thought once we stopped trying to delay it. It’s completely out of your system now.”

“What that means,” Sam said, reaching out to catch her hand with is. “Is that there’s nothing in there to worry about anymore. Nothing to stop Gabriel from changing your body to what it used to be.”

Gabriel nodded his agreement. “I’ll have to change you back in the morning. The world’s still gonna see you as female.”

“But for tonight, you can be you.”

The offer was nothing at all that she’d expected and for a brief moment she had no idea how to react to it. They could… Gabriel was offering to turn her to herself for a night? To put her in her male body? “Why?” The question slipped out before she could stop it. Really, it was the only question she could think of.

This time it was Gabriel who reached out, taking hold of the hand that Sam didn’t have a grip on. His expression gentled and his smile grew. “Because we want you to know that we want you for _you_ , no matter whether you’re male or female.”

Oh, Jesus. Spencer closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She knew how much she loved Sam and how much she was coming to care for Gabriel, but if there’d been any kind of doubt about how deep she was in this, it would’ve been washed away at this. What they were offering her might’ve sounded simple to anyone. Changing a person’s body around was probably easy as could be for Gabriel. But, it meant the world to her, and she knew that they both understood the magnitude of this.

Opening her eyes, Spencer smiled. “Please.”

With a smile of his own Gabriel stepped forward and once more cupped her face. As the grace washed through her, she didn’t fight it, didn’t pull back. She opened herself up to it and let go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really NOT the best smut writer, as anyone whose read my fics knows. If you'd like, I'll try to write it out for you guys. Otherwise I may just pick it up first thing in the morning for them. :)


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pure smut, and not necessary to the storyline if you don't want to read it. Feel free to skip this chapter.
> 
> Also, I don't write smut usually, so this isn't going to be the best. Sorry!

If Spencer had thought it was awkward or nerve-wracking standing in front of them before, it was nothing compared to now.

The clothes that he'd been wearing before fit rather differently on his body now. The shorts were just a bit shorter than before and loose where this body didn't have the same curve of hip. He was more slender, not as curvy as his feminine body. Thankfully, the shirt he was wearing was Sam's, so it still fit rather large on him and was just as comfortable as always.

It probably would've been worse if Spencer hadn't dared to look up. What he found on the faces of the two watching him was enough to make him flush, but also enough to push down the worries that were clawing at his insides.

There was a familiar heat in Sam's hazel eyes as they started to run over Spencer's body. The color darkened, more of a deep jade at the moment than any other color, the same way they always looked when he got turned on. He ran those eyes down Spencer's body, over the long expanse of his leg - Sam had always been a leg man, whether his partner was male or female, and he'd admired Spencer's legs many times much to the young genius's embarrassment - and then back up, up until he finally reached Spencer's face. There was love and heat both in his eyes and Spencer breathed just a little bit easier under it, his own smile coming up.

A low whistle reminded him that it wasn't just Sam standing there. Spencer looked to Gabriel now and found that his eyes were traveling as well. “I gotta say...” The trickster drawled out, the heat of his gaze almost palpable against Spencer's skin, leaving chills in its wake. “You make a gorgeous woman, Princess, but you're a damn sexy man, too.”

The blush in Spencer's cheeks grew worse. Sexy was not a word he'd apply to this body – ever. Skinny. Lanky. Awkward. But sexy?

Sam huffed out a laugh and shook his head. “You won't convince him of that.”

“It'll be fun trying, though.” Gabriel said, grinning.

Spencer looked them over and fought the urge to take a step back. They were wearing rather predatory grins at the moment and he had the distinct feeling that he was going to be the prey here. However, as he moved, the shorts he was wearing tried to slip a little, no longer able to be held up without the curve of his hips. He had to grab quickly to keep them from falling off.

Two sets of eyes quickly caught the movement and Spencer saw as the two realized what had almost happened.

“Problems, Spencer?” Sam asked innocently, lips twitching with the urge to smile.

For a second, Spencer narrowed his eyes at them. _Now or never_ , he thought to himself. _I know I want this, and they’ve made it clear they do as well. Quit being a coward!_ With that mental scolding, Spencer lifted his chin in a gesture that the other two recognized as Spencer's stubborn side coming through. Then Spencer surprised them both by letting go of his shorts and giving a small little wiggle that sent them sliding down his hips to land on the floor. What was underneath them stayed in place, and Spencer tried not to shiver at the feel of the silk rubbing against his sensitive skin. “No.” Spencer said, stepping back with one foot and then the other, stepping out of them. “No problems at all.”

Was there anything better than standing in front of your lover and being able to see just how much they wanted you? Spencer could see it in the obvious ways, the tightness in their jeans, but also in the way that Sam’s pupils dilated and his breath caught, in the way that Gabriel went still and his nostrils flared like he was drawing in a sharp breath he didn’t actually need.

“Well look at you.” Sam said, his voice low and husky. He took a step forward and Spencer once more had that feeling of being prey. He didn’t mind it, though. Not when it had Sam stalking towards him until he was right in front of Spencer, their slight difference in height seeming so much more right then, making Sam look so much taller than him. “Are you in the mood to play tonight, Spencer?”

Spencer swallowed down the lump that tried to build in his throat. “I thought that was the whole point of this.”

From behind him came the sound of a low, dirty laugh, and Spencer jumped just as Gabriel’s hands came around his waist. When had the archangel gotten behind him? “Oh, sweetheart, I get the feeling we’re gonna have a lot of fun with you.”

There’d been a large part of Spencer that was so sure things would get awkward or strange once they all came together. He’d been positive that he would say or do something weird – or that he wouldn’t know what to say or do at all. But there was none of that when the three of them came together. Sam leaned in to kiss him and, just like always, Spencer lost himself to the sensations that Sam created inside of him. And when Gabriel’s hands joined in, those nimble fingers slipping to the buttons of Spencer's shirt, it was strange but not bad, though there was a brief moment when Spencer's shirt slipped off that he worried, wondering just how Gabriel saw him. Spencer knew how he compared to either body that was pressed against him. While his female counterpart had been made to be beautiful, a part of the curse, this body wasn’t.

Gabriel’s palms smoothed up Spencer's sides, fingers curling in over his stomach, dancing over every bit of it. “Such soft skin.” Gabriel murmured, nuzzling Spencer's shoulder, and Spencer would’ve said something if Sam’s tongue hadn’t been dueling with his, stealing away his ability to breathe, let alone _think_. Gabriel’s hands went higher and Spencer had to grab hold of Sam’s arms to help support himself when Gabriel flicked a finger over one of his nipples. Then his finger moved over to the other nipple and Spencer felt that hand freeze for one second before it pinched on to the small bit of cold metal that sat there.

“Well, well, well.” Gabriel purred against his shoulder. “What have we here? Sammy never mentioned this.” He tugged lightly on the piercing and Spencer moaned, the sound swallowed by Sam.

Sam broke their kiss and looked down, obviously trying to figure out what Gabriel was talking about. As soon as he realized what was going on, he chuckled, the sound low and deliciously husky. “Oh, yeah. Jess took him to get that on her birthday. I’m still not quite sure how she convinced him.”

Gabriel had a hand on each nipple now and Spencer moaned brokenly, tossing his head back and pushing his chest against the man’s fingers. He’d always been sensitive there. Gabriel seemed to realize that and was having fun using it to drive him crazy.

As Spencer clenched down on Sam’s arms, trying to draw him back in, he felt the hunter go still as a statue. “Son of a bitch.” Sam’s voice sounded _wrecked_ and Spencer wrenched open eyes he hadn’t even realized that he’d closed. He found Sam staring at him with open lust and want written clearly on his face. “Gabe, you won’t believe what I found.”

One of Sam’s hands came down to catch Gabriel’s and slide it down away from Spencer's nipples, down to the soft dark green silk that Spencer had pulled on earlier when he’d still been a _she_.

Against his back he felt Gabriel’s smile, though he couldn’t really focus on it. All he could focus on was the palm that cupped him through the silk of his panties. Spencer moaned low in his throat and pushed his hips forward, seeking out more of that touch.

“Oh, Penny. Did you dress yourself up all pretty just for us?” Gabriel asked him. The nickname was new, but Spencer didn’t get time to think on it. Gabriel’s hands slid lower, cupping his balls, at the same time that Sam dove back in for another kiss that stole away Spencer's ability to think, let alone form actual words.

Everything became a sort of blur after that. Spencer was desperate for contact and wasn’t afraid to reach out and start tugging at Sam’s clothes as well, stripping him down to reveal that skin Spencer so loved to see. Gabriel helped him, hands reaching around Spencer to do so, and it made the angle awkward so that they fumbled a few times, not quite able to strip and kiss and touch the way that they wanted. But instead of mocking or awkwardness or anything like that, there was a light sort of laughter like Spencer hadn’t ever known before. When Gabriel accidentally hit a spot on Sam’s side where he was ticklish, the three of them laughed at the way that Sam squirmed, and the laughter made it so much easier for Spencer to relax.

The two humans turned their attention to Gabriel as soon as Sam was bare. For this, Spencer was content to let Sam lead, but he didn’t hold himself back, either. How could he? Every time his hands touched Gabriel’s skin, every time they kissed, every single awkward or fumbling touch, all of them made the heat in Gabriel’s eyes grow and had him smiling or laughing or moaning.

This was the first time that Spencer had ever seen Gabriel undressed and he definitely wasn’t disappointed by what he saw.

Seeing Sam was seeing something familiar, something so beautiful it never failed to take his breath away. He knew the curve of his body, the sharpness of his hipbones, the little dip there in his back where Spencer could nip and tease and draw out a curse or two. But seeing Gabriel was new and just as entrancing. There was a hint of softness to Gabriel’s body that Spencer only felt so far, never really seen, yet there was definition there as well, muscle underneath. He was softer looking curves whereas Sam was hard or sharp edges. Every inch was new and Spencer wanted nothing more than to topple him down to the bed and spend his time exploring until he found all those little places like he had with Sam. All the spots that would make Gabriel sigh or moan or gasp or curse.

He got half of his wish a second later when the three of them tumbled down into the bed together in a tangle of limbs that brought more laughter and moans. Never had Spencer laughed so much in the bedroom. Even when he was with Sam, just the two of them, they’d laughed together but nothing like this. Not with this kind of freedom or ease.

The whole thing should’ve been impossible. Three men of such different sizes, only knowing one another in pairs, not together, and yet it felt so amazing. They fell together like this was something they’d done countless times before. Spencer found himself pinned between two bodies and it was everything he’d dreamed about, everything he’d ever wanted. Sam’ was a hard, hot line of heat against the back of him, and Gabriel was twined around his front. They shouldn’t have fit, shouldn’t have worked, and yet they did. Sam was hot and hard where he pressed up against the back of Spencer's thighs and right up to the center of him, riding his skin like it was everything he wanted. Gabriel pressed himself in even closer, clinging to Spencer's arm, one of his legs thrown up over Spencer's hip at an angle no human would’ve been able to stand. His and Spencer's aching cocks pressed together in a heat that was too much and yet so damn perfect.

Spencer pressed one knee up and in so that it was right up between Gabriel’s legs, giving the archangel something more to ride against while also opening things up more for Sam, and he heard twin moans from his action.

Everything after that was lost in a haze of heat and pleasure. Spencer caught Gabriel’s sweat dampened head with one hand and drew him in for a kiss that was sloppy and needy and _perfect_. Behind him, he heard Sam moan louder, felt his movements pick up, and he knew the hunter one close. With his free hand Spencer reached back and caught Sam’s hip, holding him as close as he could, rocking his body a little more to better push against both men, and it was so good, so damn _good_ , he was gasping and moaning and writhing between them.

“That’s it.” Sam said huskily against Spencer's ear. He bit against his neck, sucking a bruise, and then nuzzled in, panting against Spencer's skin. “That’s it, Spencer, just let go. We got you, sweetheart. You’re so beautiful like this – so fucking beautiful. Let Gabe see you.” He bit again, making Spencer whine. “You want that, gorgeous? Wanna let Gabe see you come? You always look so fucking sexy when you come.”

A high pitched whine slid past Spencer's lips. There was no more holding back – Sam’s words and the way that Gabriel’s eyes were locked right on his face, watching him, took away the last of his control. Spencer lost it and moaned long and loud as his release tore out of him and over both his and Gabriel’s chests. Neither of his partners was far behind. Spencer felt Sam tense at almost the same time as Gabriel and then suddenly a hand was pressing down over Spencer's eyes as he heard Sam groan “Shut your eyes” and the world behind Sam’s hand went white.

Pleasure washed over Spencer in a tidal wave and he swore he came again.

When the light faded and the hand dropped away from his face, Spencer didn’t bother opening his eyes. He just laid there where he was between the two men, enjoying the weight of them draped over and around him.

“We,” Gabriel panted out. “Are _so_ doing that again.”

“I second that.” Sam mumbled from somewhere near Spencer's left arm.

The young genius made a low humming noise and shifted himself just a little so that he could better settle into the dog pile they had going on. However, moving reminded him quite clearly of the fact that they needed to get up and clean up – something he very much did _not_ want to do. A low grumble tumbled out of him as he felt the stickiness that was becoming more noticeable on his skin.

Sam wrapped an arm around Spencer's waist and tugged him in closer despite the mess between them. Before Spencer could muster up enough speech to complain, Sam was saying “Hey Gabe? You mind?”

A snap of the fingers was Gabriel’s answer. It only took a second for Spencer to realize that the archangel had cleaned them up. They were no longer sticky or dirty and there were no wet spots on the bed. Their skin felt as fresh as if they’d just showered.

Spencer sighed happily and snuggled back into them.

He felt Gabriel chuckle and tug him in. Somehow he’d ended up a bit above Spencer, with Spencer's head on his shoulder. “Well – that wasn’t quite the romantic evening we’d planned.”

“It was awesome.” Sam said.

Chuckling, Spencer nuzzled his nose against Gabriel’s skin. Yeah, it was. It’d turned out a whole lot better than he’d thought it would.

“Did we break Spencer?”

Gabriel’s question made Sam laugh out loud and had Spencer glaring up through his bangs. The young genius felt a large hand stroke soothingly over the outside of his thigh. “Be nice, Gabe. Spencer never was one for talking after sex. He likes to bask in the afterglow and enjoy himself. Unlike some people I know.”

“Hey!” Gabriel said defensively, a laugh evident in his voice. “I don’t talk that much. An it’s not like you’re any better, bucko. I think you’ve got a filthier mouth than I do.”

“Is that even possible?”

It was amusing to be caught between the two of them as they playfully bickered with one another. Spencer didn’t mind it; he could hear the love there. This wasn’t a real argument for them. This was open and playful and full of fun. He was content to just lie there and enjoy it – right up until Sam said “Just wait until we get Spencer in the right kind of mood. I think he could out dirty talk you, Gabe.”

Color flooded Spencer's cheeks. His face felt like it was on fire from the force of his blush. “Shut up, Sam!” The words came out a little hoarse, but full of threat. He tried to bury his face when Gabriel firmly insisted “I demand proof!”

What the hell had he gotten himself into here? As laughter echoed around and above him, Spencer turned his head in a little more and hid his smile. These two were insane, and he had a feeling that he was never going to get a moment’s peace with them.

Still, as a hand slid up his back, Spencer decided that it was going to be well worth it.


	17. Chapter 17

Spencer woke in the morning still wrapped up in both his boys. It was a feeling that was both wonderful and terrifying. One that he was scared he could get very, very used to, and that he knew he shouldn’t. The chances of it being there all the time were slim and he knew he couldn’t come to rely on it. But that didn’t mean that he couldn’t enjoy it while it happened. Feeling them, holding them, being held by them – it was a memory he’d make sure to store away for those long, cold nights.

Sometime during the night they’d all shifted around without ever breaking complete contact. Gabriel had ended up in the middle of them with his back to Sam and his face buried against Spencer's chest. He was neatly cocooned by the arms and legs that were twined around him. Sam and Spencer had cradled him in the middle while also reaching for one another. For any human, it probably would’ve been smothering.

When Spencer tried to move, Gabriel whined low in his throat and pulled him back in. “Don’ move.” He mumbled against Spencer's chest.

Affection and amusement swirled through Spencer and had his lips curving up. Following impulse, he bent enough to press a light kiss against Gabriel’s hair. “Sorry. I need to get up. Ah…human things, Gabriel.”

From behind Gabriel, buried in against his hair, came the sound of a raspy laugh that was still heavy with sleep. “Careful,” Sam said, his voice just as sleep-heavy as his laugh. “He’ll snap away your need to get up. He’s a bit of a cuddle slut first thing in the mornin’. Or, ever.”

There was just a hint of a twang to Sam’s voice that made Spencer want to smile. Hearing Sam after sex or after a good night’s sleep was always nice. The hunter tended to get this sort of Texas sound to him. His cowboy voice, Jess had once called it. Spencer adored it.

Gabriel grumbled and tried to bury himself further in the two of them. “Too much talking. Shhh.”

It would’ve been nice to just stay here, Spencer had to admit, but he really did need the restroom, and his brain was already too awake to attempt going back to sleep. “Cuddle up to Sam. I need a bathroom and some coffee.” The distance might do him some good, anyways. Because the more that Spencer's brain woke, the more it was starting to think about what today meant, what he was going to be doing, and the more he found himself wanting to climb back in bed and never leave.

Reluctantly, he pulled himself away from his partners. A quick glance at the clothes around them had Spencer grimacing. He was contemplating what to do when Gabriel’s muffled voice sounded behind him. “Second drawer. Mine should fit you better’n his.”

Looking back at the bed showed that Gabriel had rolled over and plastered himself against the front of Sam. The sight made Spencer smile as well as making his heart ache a bit. They looked so great together. Like two puzzle pieces that just fit. Spencer lifted his hand like he was going to reach out, only to draw it back in, fingers curling into a loose, empty fist. “Thanks, Gabriel.”

Spencer found boxers in the drawer that Gabriel had told him and the smaller of the pairs did indeed fit him better. Sam and Spencer were closer in height, but Sam was quite a bit more solid than Spencer was, with more to his waist – and the rest of him, really – that Spencer knew from experience made the other man’s boxers too big on him. While Gabriel’s were just a bit loose, they still settled easily enough on his hips. After he pulled on those he grabbed the shirt he’d worn in here yesterday that he’d stolen from Sam. Once he had it buttoned he was amused to find the bottom of it hung about as low as the bottom of the boxers did.

Wrapped up in the clothes of his lovers, Spencer yawned and quietly made his way out towards the kitchen, making sure to shut the door to their room behind him. Somehow he doubted they’d stay in bed much longer. Sam looked like he could drift off back to sleep, but he’d also looked at least somewhat awake, and Gabriel had explained to Spencer before that angels didn’t technically _need_ sleep.

If he knew either of them the way he thought he did, Spencer was willing to bet they’d lay there for a bit and talk about him, about last night, and about what was going to happen today. None of which Spencer wanted to talk about.

As he headed towards the kitchen, Spencer looked at one of the clocks on the wall, making note of the time. It was already seven thirty in the morning. That was perfect. It gave him plenty of time to be up, have some coffee, take a shower, get dressed, gather his things, and be able to say goodbye before Gabriel flew him home. A message to Aaron yesterday evening had cleared it for Spencer to be in to work by ten o’clock this morning. That left him two and a half hours until then. Just two and a half hours until he had to leave this Bunker behind and go back to his life.

The idea was far more terrifying than it should’ve been.

Caught up in his thoughts of what today meant for him, Spencer didn’t realize that there was anyone in the kitchen until he walked in and two loud voices shouted out at him.

In a flash, Spencer darted back towards the door, one hand reaching behind him for a weapon that wasn’t even there, eyes immediately searching around to try and identify the threat. He both relaxed and yet went on edge when he saw the only other people in the room. Dean stood there, with Kevin half shoved behind him, but the older Winchester had his own gun out and was pointing it directly at Spencer. _What on earth?_ Immediately Spencer lifted his hands up peacefully on either side of him to show that he wasn’t armed.

“Who the hell are you?” Dean demanded, gun held firm and steady in front of him. “And how the hell did you get in here?”

 _Shit_. Spencer hadn’t even thought anything about still being in his male form when he’d come in here. It hadn’t occurred to him at all that his body was still male or what that would mean if anyone else saw him. “It’s me, Dean.” Spencer kept his hands up and his voice steady. “Spencer.”

“Bullshit.”

The furious growl had Spencer wanting to flinch. Luckily, he was saved from having to do any other arguing by the appearance of both his boys right in front of him, directly between him and Dean. The instant they appeared, Sam was talking, his own hands held out towards Dean. “Woah, Dean, calm down. That’s Spencer, I swear it is.”

Spencer lowered his hands as he caught sight of Dean lowering his gun. The wall of men between them made it kind of hard to see, but Spencer had enough of a glimpse to tell that the gun was gone, and he let himself relax a little. He relaxed a little more when Gabriel turned and flashed a smile at him while holding out one hand. There was only a brief hesitation and then Spencer accepted the touch and allowed himself to be pulled up right between Sam and Gabriel. It was hard to feel anything but safe when pulled up with them.

“Spencer?” Dean was looking at him, eyebrows drawn down as his gaze traveled intently over Spencer's body in a way that made the young genius flush and draw back a half step. Spencer bit his bottom lip and ducked his head so that his shaggy hair came down into his face. He couldn’t help the instinctive reaction. He knew what he looked like and he knew that this body was far less attractive to people than his new one. It had to be strange for Dean to see him like this; especially considering he’d never seen Spencer as anything else _but_ female.

However, Sam wasn’t entirely happy about the staring, and he made sure Dean knew it as he scowled at him. “Dude – staring. Knock it off.”

From his place at Dean’s side, Kevin was watching as well, but he wasn’t scrutinizing. He looked surprised and just a little amazed. “You guys managed to cure him?”

Even as Sam and Spencer were both shaking their heads, Gabriel answered the prophet. “Nope. But the curse finally completed last night, so we gave our Spencer here a night in his own body.” That was followed by a lascivious smirk and a wink that left absolutely no doubt as to what he’d meant by that.

It was almost amusing – if it hadn’t been so damn embarrassing – to watch Kevin’s cheeks heat with a blush. Dean, however, wrinkled his nose at them in disgust and gave a mock shudder. “Ew. I don’t wanna hear that shit.”

“Yeah, well, you wouldn’t have had to know if you hadn’t tried to shoot Spencer.” Sam shot back.

“Some strange, half-naked dude comes walking into our home, you damn well better believe I’m pulling my gun!”

Sam raised one eyebrow in a look that Spencer had a feeling he’d picked up from the trickster at their side. “The fact that he’s wearing my shirt didn’t give him away at all?”

All right. Enough was enough. Spencer was quite done with being the center of attention as well as being gawked at and argued over. Especially when he had yet to have any coffee. Drawing his arms free, he crossed them over his chest in what he knew was a defensive gesture, one that always came out when he was feeling uncomfortable. It felt a little strange without the chest that he’d gotten so used to lately, but that didn’t throw him for long. The sound of him clearing his throat cut off the argument and drew everyone’s attention to him. Trying not to flush under it, Spencer tilted his chin up a little and opted for his best attempt at a cool voice. “Fascinating as this is, I actually came in here for coffee and I’d still like the chance to get some if that’s all right with all of you. Perhaps you could take your debate elsewhere for a while so that the rest of us can actually enjoy our breakfast.” That said, he pushed away and towards the coffee pot, ignoring Sam’s snicker. Sam always did enjoy his ‘snarky’ side.

Dean didn’t seem to enjoy it as much. Even though Spencer didn’t turn around to look at him, he could hear the tone to his words and knew the man was glaring at him as he called out, “Last I checked, this was _our_ kitchen. We’ll argue wherever we wanna argue.”

“Then let me get a cup of coffee and I’ll leave you to it.” Putting action to words, Spencer grabbed a mug from the cupboard and went straight to the coffee pot. Along the way his knee gave a twinge and he grimaced a little and tried not to put too much weight on it. Last night’s activities had put a bit of a strain on it and he was feeling it today. Not that he was regretting anything! No, he wouldn’t trade his memories of last night for anything. A bit of an ache in his knee was easily dealt with.

However, he really should’ve realized that his lovers might not see it that way. Sam noticed his limping and Spencer found the hunter staring at him curiously as he turned around, watching his steps intently. When Spencer took another limping step, Sam’s expression darkened a bit and he started to move forward. “You didn’t tell me your knee was bothering you, Spencer.” There was censure in his tone and a worried look all over his face. He reached out, catching hold of Spencer's arm and bracing him up like he thought that Spencer couldn’t walk.

“It’s fine, Sam.” The young genius tried to protest, only to find Sam urging him over towards the table.

As Sam ‘helped’ Spencer down into a seat, Gabriel was making his way over, his own expression full of worry, and Spencer had to fight not to roll his eyes. “What’s wrong?” Gabriel asked.

This was getting ridiculous. Both of his lovers were worried now for something that wasn’t any real big deal. Only, for some reason, they seemed to think it was. Spencer tried to open his mouth to give Gabriel an answer or reassure him somehow, but Sam beat him to it. Unfortunately his words weren’t reassuring _at all_. “Spencer got shot in the knee a while back on a case.” Squatting down at Spencer's side, Sam slipped a hand down Spencer's leg to touch at the knee that was, in fact, a bit swollen. His eyes flashed up to Spencer's face and were full of censure. “You should’ve said something, Spencer. I forgot all about it. We could’ve been a bit more careful with your legs.”

“Oh, gross.” Dean groaned loudly nearby.

Cheeks flushing, Spencer flashed a look over to Dean and then away. He shrugged his shoulders and tried to appear nonchalant about it. His body was completely stiff under Sam’s hands, though. “It’s fine. I’ll put some ice on it later and it’ll be all right.”

“Or,” Gabriel drawled out, dropping down into a squat right at Sam’s side. “You could stop hiding things and, y’know, let the angel in the house _heal you_.” He lifted a hand and held it over Spencer's knee, waggling his fingers just over top of it.

Tempting though it may be to ignore that offer of healing – really, it wasn’t necessary – there was a larger part of Spencer that just mostly wanted to get this whole scene done so he could get his coffee and retreat somewhere else. Somewhere with less people. Spencer huffed out a low breath and tilted his head enough that he could stare up at the ceiling. This was stupid and he just wanted this whole thing to be done with. In the hopes that it might hurry things up so he could _leave,_ he gave a small nod, knowing Gabriel would see it. Sure enough there was a light touch against Spencer's knee just a second later. Warmth flooded it, the familiar healing grace that Spencer had felt before. When it was gone Spencer's leg felt – well, better than it had since before it was shot. There was no swelling, no ache, no pain of any kind.

Embarrassed though he may be, Spencer couldn’t be rude. He dropped his gaze back down to Gabriel and gave a small, quick smile. “Thank you.”

Gabriel smiled back at him easily. “The pleasure’s all mine, Princess.” Pushing up, he paused along the way to steal a quick kiss that had Spencer flushing for an entirely different reason. Once Gabriel was standing up straight again he clapped his hands together. “All right, then! Now that we’ve got that taken care of, why don’t I snap up a breakfast for us? One last meal before we take you back home, Spencer.”

The word home drew the attention of both Dean and Kevin. “Home?” Dean repeated. “You’re going home?”

Spencer shrugged as casually as he could. “I have to go sometime. I only have so much leave I can take before it starts to look bad. Now that the spell's complete, I need to get back to work.” For a second Spencer paused and then he corrected himself. “I *want* to get back to work.”

Furrowing his brows, Dean looked at Spencer and then over to Sam, who was moving to take the seat at Spencer's side. “I thought, well...”

“That I'd be staying?” Spencer finished for him. He held in the urge to sigh.

He was saved from having to say anything by Gabriel. “As awesome as we all are, Deano, you do realize that Spencer has a job back home, don't you? He's got a job and a group of friends he's probably missing. Besides, it's not like he won't be back.” Turning, he winked at Spencer. “We're not letting him off that easy. Now! Let's have breakfast!” The archangel snapped his fingers, making the tabletop suddenly be covered in an array of breakfast items.

It didn't take long for Castiel to join them after that. Whether he'd come because of breakfast or he'd been summoned, Spencer wasn't sure, but soon enough the group of them were sitting around the table together talking and eating. It was the most relaxing meal that spencer had shared with any of them. There was no stress about the curse, no talk about the troubles in the supernatural world, no arguments about anything.

It could've gone on for hours if Spencer hadn't been running on a deadline. Eventually he had to decline another cup of coffee and excuse himself from the table. “I really need to go get dressed and get my things together.”

“I'll come with you.” Gabriel offered, pushing himself up out of his seat.

Spencer cocked an eyebrow at him. “I'm sure I can figure out how to dress myself, Gabriel.”

The little bit of snark just made Gabriel grin. He threaded his hand through Spencer's arm, curling his fingers around Spencer's elbow. “I'm sure you can. But I also imagine you'd like to go back to looking like normal before you try doing it, hm?”

Oh, right. That was a very valid point. Spencer flushed, ignoring the laughter of the others, and let Gabriel lead her out of the room.

The two made their way quietly down the halls until they reached Spencer's room. Once there, Spencer let them in, and Gabriel carefully shut the door behind them once they were inside. It wasn't all that surprising when Gabriel chose to stretch out on the bed. He folded his hands behind his head and grinned at Spencer, who simply rolled his eyes and went to the bag that he'd already packed. In there were what he'd deemed his work clothes. They were things that were appropriate to put on and wear to work. Before he could do that, though, Gabriel was right. He needed to be back in the body that he was going to have to live in.

Spencer turned his head enough to look over his shoulder at his lover. He didn't have to say anything, just look at him.

His look had Gabriel sighing. “It's almost a shame to change you back.” The archangel said. “You're rather gorgeous either way, you know.”

A flush built in Spencer's cheeks. “Just do it, please. I need to get ready if I want to be able to go and drop my stuff off and still have time to arrive at work without being late.”

“Pfft.” Gabriel waved a hand dismissively in the air. “Late sch-mate. I'll make sure you're there on time.”

“Gabriel.”

Gabriel gave Spencer a look that clearly said he was sucking all the fun out of this. “ _Fine_.” He raised his hand and lazily snapped his fingers. A weird sense of vertigo washed over Spencer and it was as if something inside suddenly relaxed from a tension he – she – hadn’t even noticed. When Spencer opened eyes she hadn’t realized she’d closed, she knew what she’d find before she even looked down. The difference in her body was easily felt.

It felt both good and slightly bittersweet to be back in this body. This was the body that she was going to live in, the one she was going to have to deal with day in and day out. But it had felt so good to be back in her actual body. To be a male again.

She didn't really have a moment to mourn over it. Even as she was looking down at herself, Gabriel's warm voice drew her attention back to the bed. “Don't think we aren't gonna do that again. Maybe next time we'll switch places, you and I. I make a pretty sexy girl if I do say so myself, an I definitely wouldn't protest to having you inside me.” His grin grew a little bit wider. “Not that I'd protest it in any form. We'll have to try them all out just to make sure which one is best, though.”

Spencer found herself torn between the urge to blush and the urge to laugh. In the end she settled for shaking her head even as she was smiling at him. “You're incorrigible.”

“It's been said.”

For one brief second Spencer debated moving into the bathroom to go change. A look at Gabriel's face told her that the little shit knew what she was thinking. He wasn't bothering to move from his spot on the bed. In fact, he'd folded his hands behind his head again and was giving her a look that was practically daring her to go ahead and change right here in front of him. Spencer never had been one to be able to resist a dare. She pushed aside her embarrassment and turned away from Gabriel so that she wouldn’t have to look at him as she grabbed a hold of the boxers she wore and pulled them down her legs. It was almost amusing to hear the disappointed sound that Gabriel let out. The long shirt she wore kept her discreetly hidden. Nothing showed, not even when she bent a little so that she could start to put on the panties that she'd pulled out.

“Oh now, that's not fair.” Gabriel grumbled. He didn't sound truly annoyed, though, and when Spencer snuck a look over at him while pulling her underwear up her legs, she found that he was watching her with a heat in his gaze that she had seen there last night. One that put a warmth in her stomach.

Spencer pulled the panties up and let herself be just a bit daring enough to give him a bit of a glimpse of it as the soft silk was pulled into place. Then she let the shirt drop and reached out for the next item.

“Are you nervous?” Gabriel asked suddenly, surprising her.

For a second Spencer paused. Then she picked up the slacks she was going to wear and unrolled them. “A little bit.” There wasn't any shame in admitting that. Things were going to be extremely different once she went back to work. At last, for her. “All of my friends and everyone I've ever met is going to remember me as being female. None of them are going to remember the male version of me. It's going to be, odd.” Bending down a little, she stepped into her pants, forgetting entirely about the fact that she was dressing in front of an audience. She furrowed her brow in thought as she started to pull her pants up her legs. “With all of you it hasn't been that difficult. Sam was the only one to know who I was before. The rest of you...”

“We all got to know you like this.” Gabriel finished for her.

Spencer nodded. “All of the memories I have with all of you are like this. I don’t have any past memories of when I was male with any of you. But with my team, I will. All my memories with them are when I was male. How much is that going to change things? How much of their behavior towards me is going to be different?” It was something that Spencer had worried about quite a bit. She knew it was going to happen – there was no denying it. They would treat her differently than she remembered. People might talk like gender doesn’t matter but when it came right down to it gender always seemed to affect how people treated one another. Very few people treated a man and a woman equally.

Pulling her shirt up over her head and setting it aside, Spencer was too caught up in her thoughts to even take notice of the fact that she was half-naked in front of Gabriel. All of her focus was on her thoughts even as she reached out for her bra.

It wasn’t until she was trying to hook it closed in the back – and failing miserably – that she was reminded of Gabriel’s presence. Warm fingers caught hold of the back of the bra and pulled it closed, easily snapping it into place. Then Gabriel was pressing up against her back while his arms wrapped around her waist. Spencer was surprised by the embrace, but not as much as she was surprised by her reaction to it. She melted down easily into his touch and let him hold her, let him kiss against her shoulder and wrap her up like she was something precious. “It’s gonna be fine.” Gabriel pressed the words against her skin like little kisses. “There’ll be adjustments, but you’ll handle them. You’re strong, Spencer. Stronger than you think. This thing hasn’t kicked your ass so far. I don’t see you letting it anytime soon.”

Spencer brought one hand up to where Gabriel’s were resting on her stomach. She pressed her own hand over his, just enjoying the contact for the moment. Soaking up the strength and support he was giving her.

It was Gabriel who broke their hold first. He pulled back just enough to be able to press a kiss against the back of her shoulder. “I've got a gift for you before you go.” His hands slid off her stomach and back just enough to settle on her hips and give a brief squeeze before letting go. “Why don’t you put a shirt on and quit distracting me so I can give it to you, hm?”

Blushing, yet unable to stop from feeling slightly pleased at the effect she had on him, Spencer grabbed the button up blue shirt that she'd picked out and quickly pulled it on. While her fingers did up the buttons, she turned herself around to face Gabriel, who hadn't gone very far. He was only a step or two away from Spencer's eyes immediately latched on to the small gift that he held in his hand. The sight of it had her hands freezing on the second to last button. That... that was.... “Gabriel....”

“I want you to have this.” Gabriel said, cutting her off. He took a step forward and held out what looked to be one long feather made up of a thousand different shades of gold. The beauty of it left her speechless. As if sensing that, Gabriel smiled at her and answered the questions she couldn't seem to bring herself to ask. “It's one of my feathers. I'd like you wear it, for my peace of mind. It'll mark you as taken to a lot of supernatural creatures out there and will most likely make them think twice before touching you. No one wants to mess with someone that's claimed by an archangel. It'll also heal you from small, little things, and it'll warn me if something big happens that it can't heal. Sammy has one already, and I'd like it if you'd consent to wearing one as well.”

“It's beautiful, Gabriel.” She reached a hand out, wanting to touch and yet hesitant to do so.

Gabriel's smile grew and he stepped towards her. “It's not as delicate as it looks, I promise. You can wear it as a bracelet or an anklet, either one.”

The idea of wearing that out where everyone could see bothered her for reasons she couldn't begin to explain. This felt like something big - something private. “Ankle.”

To her surprise, Gabriel gracefully slid down to his knees right at her feet. He didn't make any of the jokes that she knew he usually would about being in this position. Instead, he reached out and drew her left foot forward, one warm hand sliding her pant leg up enough that he could reach out and press the feather over her skin. Spencer felt it as the feather turned warm. It felt like melted wax pooling over and around her skin.

When Gabriel pulled his hand back, the feather was now a perfect tattoo ringing her ankle. Those gorgeous colors had somehow been captured in her skin and she twisted her foot this way and that as she stared at it in awe.

Gabriel pushed himself back up to his feet. When he was upright, he cupped her face in his hands and drew her in for a gentle kiss. He didn't say anything else and neither did she. They'd already said everything that needed to be said. Spencer poured everything she had into the kiss and felt Gabriel doing the same. And Spencer began to hope for the first time that maybe, just maybe, things might not end up the way she was afraid of.

* * *

It was sort of awkward and yet a little complimentary that Spencer found everyone waiting for them when the two emerged from Spencer's room. She had a bag slung over her shoulder and Gabriel had a couple more. Somehow Spencer had ended up with even more things to take home. She couldn't prove it but she was pretty sure that the archangel had snapped up some extra things when she wasn't looking. When she'd shot him a glare in warning, all he'd done was grin and try an innocent look that failed miserably.

Spencer let Gabriel lead her into the living room where the rest of the group was waiting. She wasn't sure what to say or what to do at first. Social interactions alone had never been easy for her and it was always harder when it came time to say goodbye.

Luckily, she didn't have to initiate anything. Dean was the first one to move and he surprised her completely by coming forward and pulling her into a hug. Spencer let out a sound of surprise. Then, when he just held her there, she let her arms come up, hesitating a moment before she slid them around him and returned the hug. That only encouraged him to squeeze her even more. “You make damn sure you come back and visit, you hear me?” he said lowly. “I'm not having these two mope around without you here. So get your ass back and visit sometimes.”

Spencer smiled against his shoulder. She understood the gruff words for what they really were. “I will.” When they pulled back, she smiled up at him. “Thanks, Dean. For everything.” He'd done a lot for her while she was here. Not just in letting her be here, but in helping her, talking to her, being there for her when she'd been panicking and needed out of here.

When he stepped away, Kevin came up next, his hug much more brief than Dean's had been, but still full of affection.

Castiel was next. There was a moment where the two stood awkwardly in front of one another, not quite sure what to do or how to move here. It took Gabriel snorting and pushing at Spencer's back to get them together. She stumbled forward and Castiel caught her. Laughter filled the room and Spencer couldn't help but grin. She pushed down her own awkwardness and wrapped her arms tightly around Castiel. “Take care of them for me.” She told him softly.

Castiel nodded at her when they pulled apart, a silent acceptance.

This was it. Spencer looked at her friends here and realized that there was nothing left for her to do. She had her things together, had said goodbye, and she really needed to go if she wanted to drop things off before heading in to work. This was it - it was time to go.

Sam stepped to stand at her one side while Gabriel moved to stand at her other. Spencer kept a smile on her face as she felt the archangel clasp her shoulders. “I'll see you guys soon.”

There was a flutter of wings and the trio was gone.

* * *

They landed together outside of the BAU. Spencer startle at the sight of it, and at the realization that her bags were gone. She looked around and then looked at Gabriel, who grinned. “I sent em to your place already. No point in going there and then coming here. I figured it'd save time.”

“Thank you.” Spencer said. It wasn't what she wanted to say - there were so many things she wanted to say - but the rest of her words seemed to dry up in her mouth. She couldn't force them past her lips.

The soft look that crossed Sam's face said that he'd read her just as well as he always had. The next thing she knew there was an arm around her and she was being pulled in against Sam's solid chest. Spencer let out a low laugh as she burrowed in against him. “You know, I've been hugged more this morning than I have in the past few years of my life.” Still, she was smiling as she said it. She might not have been that big on being touched but that didn’t mean that she didn’t appreciate moments like these. Especially with Sam. He’d always been someone easy for her to touch and hold.

“Yeah, well, get used to it.” Sam bent his head down and pressed his cheek against the top of her head. “We like to touch you.”

Another pair of arms slid around her and she felt Gabriel press up behind her, Sam’s hands moving so that he was holding them both now. “Damn skippy. You’re fun to hug, too. You get all blushy and make all those fun little sounds.” As if to help prove that, Gabriel wiggled a little against her until she giggled a bit.

They stayed there pressed together for a little while. Spencer wasn’t quite sure how long. She just knew that when they finally broke apart, she didn’t want to let go.

Sam’s hands cupped her cheeks and Spencer let her eyes close as her face was tilted up. His kiss was soft and sweet at first, deepening into something that had her toes curling. They broke apart only when they needed to breathe. “This isn’t a real goodbye.” He told her. “You better call us.”

“Remember, I can fly us out at any time.” Gabriel chimed in. “An if we don’t hear from you for a few days, I’m flying in to check on you.

Amusement had the corners of Spencer's mouth twitching with a smile she fought to hold in. “Okay.”

A glance at her watch showed that Spencer needed to get inside before she ended up being late on her first day back. She checked her waist, double checking that her gun was there, and when Gabriel held out her messenger bag she took it from him with a smile. “I’ll call you guys tonight and let you know how it all went.” She promised them both, sliding the strap of her bag over her head.

“Psh.” This time it was Gabriel who reached out and caught hold of her, one hand curving over the back of her neck to yank her down into a kiss that was anything but gentle. When he pulled back, nipping at her lip as he went, his smile was sharp and bright. “It’s gonna go fine. But call us anyways.”

It was temping to stand there and trade a few more kisses and put off going inside a little while longer. But she couldn’t do it. It was time for her to go back to the real world. Time to pick her life back up.

As Spencer made herself draw away from them, made her feet move to carry her inside, she had to fight the urge to turn and run back to them. Even so, she couldn’t stop herself from stealing one last look as she stood at the doors. Gabriel and Sam stood side by side, their fingers laced together, and they were both grinning at her. Spencer drew strength from the obvious affection in their eyes and the confidence that they’d been showing about this whole thing. They seemed to have absolutely no doubts about how she was going to handle this. That faith in her gave her the strength to give them one final wave before she turned to head inside.

It was time to go back to her life. Back to the real world. But as she walked inside, she held tight to the emotions inside of her. Even if this all went south, even if things changed the way she was afraid they would, she knew deep down inside that she had those two to fall back on. Something in her told her that she always would. She wasn’t alone anymore.

Head held high, Spencer walked into the Bureau and back into her life, feeling more like herself than she ever had before.


End file.
